“Responsible denial! I like that!”
My oncologist is a hoot! i’ve been going to see him every six months for the past four and a half years. As much as i love him, i’d be quite happy not to see him quite so often… Once i get to the five-year milestone, we will only see each other once a year.
i’d just finished explaining to him that despite his luscious charms, i’m ready to go to that annual visit. The six month thing is screwing with my ability to live in the realm of “responsible denial”. That thing that says “yeah, i had it, and i’m going to be a good kid and do what i’m supposed to, but for the rest of the time, i’m not going to think about this too much…”
He was ok with the concept, but reminded me that he’ll have to see me in six more months before we can start to have an annual date.
daisyfae: Gee, you’re kinda OCD.
Dr. P: Such tendencies are generally welcomed in my field of practice.
When i first started seeing him, he had gently bemoaned the fact that he’d had to put off a vacation because life got in the way. i reminded him that a man in his profession ought to know better…
From that point on, our conversations started with “Where have you been lately?” And between the two of us? We’ve covered a lot of turf!
Today, i started, with tales from my trip to NYC and Chicago, along with plans for two dive trips before the end of the year. Grilling me on details, he was fascinated with my plans to chase the whale sharks off the coast of Central America as they meander along their migration route.
We talked of SCUBA training, rescue dives, and various terrifying moments i’ve stumbled upon in my rookie dive adventures… Including a night drift dive in 5 mph currents that nearly resulted in a permanently soiled wetsuit!
We talked about the motorcycle, and my frustration at having it in the shop for over five weeks this summer. And my slight limp as i moved from the chair to the exam table – injuries received by dancing my lumpy, middle-aged ass off at a local festival all weekend.
Dr. P shook his head in disbelief…
daisyfae: Yeah, i know i’m your craziest patient…
Dr. P: No, just the biggest daredevil!
daisyfae: It’s managed risk! C’mon, i’m not stupid. This isn’t like walking a tightrope between skyscrapers – i’m careful about risk mitigation! Always have a net. Always have “Plan B”.
Dr. P: You’re still out there on the ledge!
daisyfae: Reckon so…. i’m pretty sure it won’t be the cancer that kills me…
Dr. P: It would have to catch you first!
We both laughed, and he went on with his exam…
“Responsible Denial” or not, i’m certainly aware of the fact that cancer doesn’t need GPS and RFID tags to track you down…
cartoon from the brilliant world of xkcd
Yeah, life’s a lottery.
Keep dodging that bullet cos I like your style!
a lottery indeed! we are all one phone call away from daytime nightmares…
Even though you’d rather see less of Dr. P., it sounds as if you’ve got yourself a great doctor, which is *so* hard to find. In terms of marriage and medical treatment, anyway.
He’s a gem! Despite the fact that i told him i would be skipping his recommendation for hormonal chemo (tamoxifen), he’s been a champion for my “quality of life” vs “length of life” argument… and he’s got a wife and two daughters (who are his travel buddies), so this one is off limits!
You know, in the context of this post, your “farting around” plan is right on the money. The xkcd cartoon is very good. I get that whole “cough” or “bone pain” thing, although in a different way with every stray pain or cramp I feel in the left side of my chest.
Keep on truckin’, daisyfae. Keep on truckin’.
i have no purpose. my responsibilities are no longer obligations – i choose them… selfish? of course. but continuing to labor under the delusion that i am here to serve some higher purpose would be nothing less than ego.
take care of that ticker, and keep on truckin’ yourself, rob!
Your life is certainly very full. Good for you, Daisy Fae!
it’s only for now… things that bring joy. things that allow me to get lost. there will come a day where i can’t…
Yay for holidays and xkcd!!
the xkcd cartoon is dead brilliant… but it gets in the way of my denial, damn it!
I must beg to differ from your desrcription of your arse as “lumpy”; I don’t remember that your recent and most welcome photographs.
thank you, kind sir, but you’ll notice all photos were carefully cropped to bypass my middle. my gut is large enough to have its own postal code, and the arse is 49 years old, and not as toned as it could be!
My sense of humour is metastisising.
metastatic humor. there’s a concept!
You rock. And it sounds as if you found a keeper with your doctor (even if you want ease out of the relationship). It is just so typical. If you want them, they’re gone, and if you don’t they insist on staying.
And it does sound as if not only are you living your life to the full, you probably have the energy and drive to live some other slackers life as well. Go to it.
he’s a good animal… there is a slight desperation to the mania in my life. i just know that the body degrades over time. there are things i can do this year, that will be much harder in five… and what if the eyes go? certainly would put a damper on the motorcycle riding!
Just take care, all right? That’s an order from a crusty scots bachelor – and an admirer!
thank you, kind sir! i’m fine, and am pretty sure that the cancer i had will not be the cause of my demise… like to live like i’ve only got a few days left… but always need to plan as thought i’ll live to 100…
It’s not denial.
I’d say you have learned (and embrace) to not postpone joy.
Life is about living, and you definitely do! 😀
you’re either living or you’re dying. not much in between!
Let’s see: Embrace joy, live every day to its fullest, thereby making each day meaningful and worth remembering. Or, would it be better to live fearfully, watching behind every door, second guessing every small pain, imagining the disease returning? What kind of quality of life would that have? I think you have done all the right things, and IMHO JOY is a great healer. Nothing keeps your immune system healthier than a heaping helping of joy.
Thank you for sharing your joy with us.
in general, i don’t think about it. just those damn semi-annual reminders… i got very, very lucky. it wasn’t aggressive, or very far along. best not to fret…
That cartoon is so spot on! I can’t believe I never heard of xkcd before. I live in a hole, I swear…
I adore you and I hate that cancer. May you live a hundred more dare devilly years, DF!
thank you, robin! either “live in a hole” or “have a real life”? xkcd is a great cartoon series – mostly about nerdtastic stuff. the cancer thread is because the creator has recently ridden the cancer coaster… and is really pretty amazing.
You are one beautiful inspiration my friend! I want to be like you before I grow up!
aw, shucks. [kicks at dirt] mostly, i’m just a hard-playing, hard-drinking party girl. not ready for my own self-help tv talk show…
I have a feeling you are your doctor’s favorite patient.
welcome to the park, luda! may be one of the favorites – but probably because i’m not staring down the barrel of the really ugly stuff that he sees on a daily basis. and he gets to feel me up, too! stopped by your blog, and looking forward to going back when i have a little more time – you are a funny lady!
If I catch you, can I have you?
have i mentioned that i’m a bit clumsy, and am prone to trip over my own feet? at least when it suits my purposes…
They found four polyps today during a routine colonoscopy (one of the joys of reaching a certain birthday). Now just awaiting results.
xkcd is a favorite of mine too.
(sigh) oh, yeah… you’re in the waiting game. it’ll be ok. finding polyps is better than finding tumors. the xkcd tattoo post is beyond brilliant… keep us posted on what’s up with your colon, ok?
i’d suggest wearing a fake mustache and walk with a limp so it can’t recognize you if it finds you.
fake mustache? hey, buddy… that’s the real thing! besides, my tits give me away every time…
That’s hysterical–those are the same conversations me and my onc used to have before I broke up with him last year. (It had been 9 years and my pcp can do the blood work.) All we talked about was our vacations. Getting to that yearly visit is huge. Good on you.
Congrats on getting to 9 years! i like my oncologist better than my GP, so i’ll probably keep seeing him for that annual visit… he’s also tracking something else, so i’m reluctant to let my little oncology guardian angel off my shoulder entirely!