Wasn’t on my bucket list…

Among other things, i’m a well-characterized drunk.  My first drunk occurred when i was 13, and ever since, i’ve managed to hone my drinking behavior, based on an intuitive iterative process.

For example, i don’t drink tequila, as it makes me mean and i get in bar fights.  Sometimes while only partially clothed.  i also don’t like to drink too much wine, especially red, as it gives me a horrific headache, and just the worst kind of hangovers.  If i drink to extreme excess?  My body is highly efficient in clearing toxins, and i am prone to blowing chunks.

But last night?  Something was quite different…. 

Friday night, i attended a lovely party, kicking off Pride Week in our little burg.  Rooftop venue, complete with a fabulous drag show and Monte Carlo style gaming.  Since it was a fundraiser, we went for the VIP tickets, giving us swag bags and unlimited drinks!

It was a hoot!  Beautiful evening, overlooking the minor league baseball stadium.  View of the giant fountains launching water-fireworks from the river.  Engaging, eclectic crowd – maybe 200 people.  i wasn’t the designated driver, so i happily swilled white wine, as we played games, watched the entertainers, and horsed around with the crowd.

i got hammered.  Seriously hammered.  Vague recollection of some of the following when i woke up this morning.  Other details?  Provided by Studley McRocklegs during our Saturday morning bike ride.

– Walking a dominatrix from the party to a local club.

– Being verbally abused by a dominatrix as we walked hand-in-hand to a local club.

– Insisting it would be ok for me to take a leak on a tree in the middle of downtown as we walked back to the car.

– Taking a leak on a tree in the middle of downtown.

– Chasing down, and chatting up,  a spiky-haired lesbian at the party, because she told me i was a good dancer.

– Giving my phone number to a spiky-haired lesbian.

– Discussing body modification with a couple of young men.  Who decided to show me the mods to their penises. 

– Grabbing two modified penises with my fingers, and pretending they were swords, while yelling “Cock fight!”

– Getting home somewhere around midnight, being effectively carried to my bed by Studley – but not before asking my daughter “has the dog been out to pee?” about five times.

i suspect there’s more…

Waking up only at 4:00 am to take out my contacts, i returned to bed and continued to sleep soundly until 8:00 am.  Dreaming of zombies.  Studley had opened my bedroom windows to let fresh air in, and parked a trash can beside my bed in case i needed it.  My daughter had brought me a glass of water.

Somewhere around 9:00 am, my daughter poked her head in my room to check on me.

The Girl:  Hey!  i can’t believe you’re up already!  You must feel like hell – you were incredibly drunk last night.  You couldn’t even walk without help.

daisyfae:  Ummm…. i feel ok.  A little tired, and i can’t feel the tip of my tongue for some reason, but it’s not that bad.

Did my normal Saturday morning routine, walked the dog, checked Facebook – discovering two friend requests from lovely lesbians i’d met the night before.  One with a message saying “You are so much fun!  Great meeting you last night – even though we only talked briefly, it was one of the highlights of the party for me!” 

i couldn’t really remember talking with her.  Or her friend. 

i pinged Studley about our planned morning bike ride.  He was just as surprised that i was awake, not hurting, and planning to ride.

Did a 20-miler, and as we talked through the events from the night before, i realized there were at least 2-3 hours missing from my memory banks.  It wasn’t until we were on the final leg home that i asked him “What do you think the odds are that someone slipped something in my drink?”

Studley:  When I brought you home last night, I asked you if you thought someone had given you a Roofie.

daisyfae:  Guess what?  i don’t remember that…  You’ve seen me drunk.  This wasn’t typical, was it? 

Studley:  At one point?  I noticed that you seemed to get really drunk – your behavior changed sort of dramatically.  Then you went off chasing women…

daisyfae:  i should have been really hung over this morning.  But i wasn’t.  And i didn’t puke.

So there it is.  Baby’s first roofie.  No idea regarding the who or why – assuming that i most likely drank wine that belonged to someone else. 

While this wasn’t exactly something on my bucket list, i have learned a valuable lesson:  Rohypnol turns me into a lesbian predator.