“You had a choice”

As is tradition, i got quite a Mother’s Day card this year.  They always come up with something a bit off beat.  Since The Girl is still in London, it was all on The Boy to create one this year.  As he presented it to me, with a lovely bottle of 12-year old single malt scotch, he expressed some concern.

The Boy:  Usually The Girl is my ‘checks and balances’, making sure it’s not too far over the top.  I really wasn’t sure if this one was.  I was a little toasty when I did it.  Hope you’re not mad…

On the inside:

Here’s the text, in  case you can’t read this:

Dear Mom,

I feel like now is an appropriate time to thank you for a number of things that have previously been left unsaid.  One: Thank you for giving the UPS driver a second chance.*  Two: thanks for not taking the easy way out (i.e. back alley abortion, leaving me in a hot car with the windows rolled up, or the more obvious throwing me in a dumpster.  Tres:  That’s three in Spanish!  Four: Thanks for tricking “Dad” into raising two illegitimate “kids”.  You both have been great “parents”.

Love,

The Boy

Nope.  Just the right amount of “over-the-top”.  As in “WAAAAAAY!”  But that’s how us three crazy bastards roll.

We had a grand day out.  He fixed me an omelette for breakfast, scavenged from the few remaining items in the fridge and pantry.  Then it was off to a parking lot carnival – which happens every year.  Seemed a lot smaller this year, so i beat him at a quasi-skilled game, and we headed out for Bad Juan margaritas.  Stopped at the driving range first, and bashed a bucket of balls on the way there.

A very good day.  He’s doing great.  i’m one happy mother.  i had a choice.  Indeed.

~~~~~~~~~~~

* Long running family joke, started by his Dad, is that The Boy was the product of frequent visits from the UPS driver.  You see, after The Girl was born, i grew to absolutely detest going shopping, and discovered internet shopping, free shipping, and spending the day in my underwear.  There were always packages arriving, if you know what i mean…

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50 thoughts on ““You had a choice”

  1. hilarious! first call i received on mother’s day was from son #2 aka “the doc” at 1100hr edt. now, remember, he’s on the west coast, so we’re talking 0800hrs on a sunday…after a couple of minutes of chit chat, happy mother’s day, etc, he casually asked if any of the others had called. when i said no, he was the first, the phone dropped and i could hear him yelling, “yes, yes, yes! i was first! ha, ha, ha! take that you slackers!” which i KNOW was a reference to his sibs. when he picked up the phone, he said they all knew i didn’t give a hoot about mother’s day, so it was a contest for THEM as to who called first…different families, same mind set…nothing is over the top xoxoxox

    • i see you feel the same way about mother’s day as i do. ‘whatever’. my spawn really do this as much to amuse themselves as me… i like the contest idea, and wouldn’t be surprised if you get a call at 12:01am next year!

  2. My Mom always likes those damned gushy emotional cards on Mother’s day, and I can barely stomach reading them. Usually, I skim the cards until I find one that makes me want to spew, and then pick that one, closing it quickly before I barf. She always cries when she reads them.

    • i suppose if you count “low class” as “class”, then i’m still in the game… c’mon by. there’s still a bit left of the 16 year old balvenie, too…

  3. My kids always give me funny Mother’s Day cards too. If I ever got a sappy one from them I’d worry that something was drastically wrong—like I had only 20 minutes to left to live because the Earth was in the path of a giant asteroid.

    • For my 40th, the kids gave me Geritol, and Midol PMS. For the Midol? The Boy said “enjoy it while it lasts”. If mine ever did anything sappy? giant black hole and end of universe!

  4. Absolutely perfect card. Your kids rock. I’m with you – if my kids weren’t funny, they’d be singing “Consider yourself at home”, pleading for “more, Sir”, and hanging out with the Artful Dodger.

  5. I wish you had been my mother. Seems like you have done a pretty incredible job raising your progeny.

    We were raised in an environment that emphasized how ridiculous Mother’s Day and Father’s Day were, crass excuses to promote commercialism. So it really isn’t a big day in my immediate family. On the other hand, having adopted Jesse when he was a teenager, he has a very great appreciation for actually having parents that love him, accept him, support him, and don’t abuse him! So the Parents’ Days are very important to him! and I LOVE getting presents, for whatever reason.

    I got a very sappy card from my husband, and I loved getting that too.But the sentiments on your missive are heartfelt, and uninhibited due to toastiness, which makes them very real indeed.

    • in some ways, i feel like an awful mother… but when i see that they grew up, are smart, functional and generally very caring humans? i figure i at least got something right here or there.

  6. Brilliant ard. The home-made factor is cool. Every year without my 89 yr-old Nanna says “I kept all the cards you gave me…” holding them over me like documentary evidence of uncomplicated childhood obedience.

    • these cards are home made, as there is no store on the planet that would ever sell such dark and twisted stuff! very sweet/creepy of your Nanna to tell you about the cards. Mom still has all the ones we gave her… which are in about a dozen boxes in a paid storage bin at the moment….

  7. I’m glad you have those moments with your son. Reading that really made me miss the ones I used to have with mine: Going to the local tavern, taking turns on the jukebox playing our favorites, shooting pool for hours, and drinking mixed drinks with whiskey. I don’t know who got ornierer me or him. I know a fine line has to be drawn between friendship and motherhood when you’re raising them, but if you can pull it off the adult years are easy sailing. I can honestly say, my son is one of my best ‘friends’. I’m glad you have that too.

    • the line between parent / friend is a transient…. i can still kick into full-on “Mother” mode if the circumstances dictate a hard line. but that is becoming more rare as the years roll by… i like this part better…

  8. A very nice Mother’s Day indeed Daisyfae!! What a great kid(s). I’m with Gnukid in that, are you sure they’re yours? (smile)

  9. I love the relationship you have with your kids. I could never say things like that to my mom. She would get very, very quiet.

    HOWEVER! No, no however. Just hooray.

    • sometimes i think i’ve gone too far with them… but we are where we are… and i don’t doubt for a moment that if they ever needed help, they’d not hesitate to bring me the messiest problem.

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