Where’s a Tsunami when you need it?

On Monday, i took Mom to see her smokin’ hot cardiologist for a routine check up.  One of the reasons i continue to have a potentially life-altering mild girl-crush on Dr. M is that she will fuss over my mother like she’s the only patient since the beginning of all time. 

Before entering the exam room, she had familiarized herself with every single detail of Mom’s lung cancer diagnosis, which was provided in an update to her medical records.  She also flashed me a Hollywood smile and asked where i’d gotten the tan*.  The good news?  Heart doctor says Mom is doing great on the cardiology front.  One less thing…

Mom has now had two of the four scheduled radiation treatments.  She’s chipper and enjoying the frequent doctor visits – each of which means a breakfast, lunch or dinner OUT.  i asked about any discomfort or side effects.  She said “Well, at first I thought I felt it burning – but I realized that was just my imagination.  It doesn’t hurt, I just get stiff staying in one place for so long…”.

As we wrapped up the cardiology appointment, it was off for lunch at our “usual” restaurant.  i had noticed that Mom has lost a couple of pounds – but at 4″9″ tall and 196 pounds, she’s not the picture of fitness.  The name “Short Round” comes to mind.  She’s never exercised, and “fried” is her favorite food group.  At 82?  It’s a miracle she’s able to walk under her own power at all…

She shuffled from the car to the door of the restaurant – huffing and puffing the short distance from the reserved “handicapped” parking space.  Once inside?  She was off like a rocket** to read the ‘daily specials’ board, and followed on the heels of the restaurant hostess like a tracking hound. 

Waiting for lunch, Mom mentioned that things are going pretty well in the trailer park.  Seems the run of stomach flu has passed.  Steady progress on the renovated homestead.  They’ve gotten rid of one dog, and bought another – a puppy who is yet to be house trained, making late night visits to the bathroom like walking a minefield.

My niece’s youngest daughter, DQ III, is quite a handful at three years old.  Such a spunky little thing that she must have her own bedroom – separate from the bedroom of DQ, Jr., who is fifteen and “needs her space”.  It has rankled me for over a year that while Mom sleeps on a bed in DQ’s living room during renovations, the two kids have their own PRIVATE bedrooms.

But when Mom informed me that little DQ III is “going through a phase” where she sleeps with DQ and BJ every night?  i about choked on my bourbon barrel ale***.  “You mean that the little shit isn’t even USING that bedroom while you’re on display in the living room like a zoo animal?  Seriously, Mom, do you want me to say something?  This is bullshit!”

“Oh, no… Don’t rock the boat…”

lovely photo found here.

* It was a tan, and not just blushing…

** If i really want to see her move?  Put her within 20 yards of an “all you can eat” buffet trough and watch her go!  Oh, and for someone who can’t read because of eye troubles?  Stick a menu in her hands and she’s worked through the fine print in seconds…

*** Shut. Up.  It was a late lunch.  And it’s a lovely beer…

42 thoughts on “Where’s a Tsunami when you need it?

    • at first, because it was ‘temporary’, i could kind of get it… but after the renovations started, it really was a no-brainer decision. but it was not mine to make… and mom has been clear that she wants me to keep my mouth shut. grrr…

  1. My dermatologist was hot. While we discussed my issue, she rested her hand on my knee. It was a major distraction.

    Allowing a 3-year old to sleep in the same bed with the parents is a classic amateur mistake. Good luck dislodging her.

    • this woman is the best doctor i’ve ever encountered – she’s smart, cheery, skilled, direct when necessary, and at least seems to like her patients. the fact that she’s beautiful? wow…

  2. Ugh, that family shit is tough, but I’m glad your mom is ok and that she’s got a good doctor… so important.

    The puppy-leaving-minefield is a funny… been there… I never make it unharmed.

  3. My Mom has to have her t.v. turned up to the decibel level of a fighter jet but when someone is having an intimate conversation nearby, her hearing suddenly becomes bionic.

    Glad your Mom is doing well with her treatments. I consider any goodies (like the beer) you get in service to her as combat pay.

  4. I can’t even imagine what it would be like to have one of my parents living with me. I for sure wouldn’t have them in the living room, though. Thankfully, so far they are still able to take care for themselves. Able?? who am I kidding. They DEMANd to be able to take care of themselves, the rest of us can just butt out, thank you very much. It is very distressing to find out a week after the fact that one of them has been hospitalized for something or other. . .

    • i have to be careful – and remember that mom chose this option. when she complains? i review the options, and remind her of this. i have also told her that if i were an only child? she’d be in a lovely assisted-living apartment near by… your parents sound fiercely independent – and i realize that comes with its own set of frustrations!

  5. If my mother-in-law tried to live with us, I’d put a cot in the garage and feed her scraps like a dog. Could they be trying to tell her something? Maybe I’d let my MOL use the bathroom if she was really, really nice. Otherwise, we have perfectly good pails.

  6. Just remember what goes around comes around…when 3 yr old becomes an adult it may be DQ or BJ that is then sleeping in their living room?

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