Prior to the booze and music cruise, i was sorting options for smuggling alcohol on board the ship – rather than pay the ridiculous prices after we set sail. Much to my complete and total surprise, it was The Boy who suggested this rather spectacular product:
Oh, it is spectacular in concept. And a bit brilliant in design! Unfortunately, it didn’t arrive on my doorstep in time for me to take it on the cruise. So tonight is the Maidenform Voyage of my Wine Rack! An evening of local theater – which will probably be pretty good. But i’m practicing for the next bad one i have to endure…
In the box
Before i am loaded
Loading – with a nice bottle of 2008 Layer Cake Shiraz
Gives entirely new meaning to “juicy cleavage”. There’s 750 ml of red delicious yumminess in them thar boobies! And i gained TWO FULL CUP SIZES!
i’m going to modify the hose to put an actual nipple on it. the show must go on…
Dibs!!
sit to my left. that’s where the hose comes out!
I’m laughing too much to comment!
so very happy i laughed you speechless! my work here is done… at least for the moment!
astounding, sugar! but sadly, 2 full cups sizes bigger and i’d fall over! xoxoxoxo (but i am looking forward to hearing about how it worked!)
IT WORKED GREAT! surprisingly comfortable, and effective in delivering the wine. no plastic-y taste. the hose is long enough – and i was able to serve my friend DK who was seated two seats to my left. the gents on my right and left were happy as well. Two thumbs up!
And they said American ingenuity was dead.
made in china, most likely. they also have ‘the beer belly’. i should get that, too, and could pass myself off as a pregnant broad. perhaps for at least a couple more years…
Mmm. Layer Cake. That is some damn fine wine. And some very nice cups to put it in.
it was yummy! and my cups didn’t runneth over! just read on the instructions that if you wish to avoid the ‘deflated’ look at the end of the night, you can simply blow in the tube to pump them back up again!
Yum!
i’m going to be the most popular gal in the back row. oh, imagine the concerts? fill it with pure bourbon and buy nothing but cokes all night? genius…
Yeah, but how do you keep the wine from getting too warm?
it will be body temp. that’s why i had to go with a red – i wasn’t going to chill a nice white and then have to deal with the side effects of the cold. i think margaritas would be nice – i could just squirt it out into cups full of ice!
Oh, the margarita idea sounds perfect. I’ll bet a nice rum drink made with orange/mango/peach juice would also be fantastic. Plus it wouldn’t look so obviously alcoholic to the casual passer by. I always think that when I’m breaking the rules it is best if I don’t call attention to myself too obviously.
I’m thinking this would be perfect for a winter sporting event too: Spiced wine. . . or cider. . . it wouldn’t matter if they were warm, in fact it would be a good thing.
i think you’re onto something with the spiced wine – and that may make the cut for my next skiing adventure! although if i were to fall from a chairlift and end up flat on my face? there could be carnage. serious alcohol carnage…
How funny! All I can think about is the “Will and Grace” episode where Grace’s water-filled bra (worn to impress an old flame at his art exhibition) sprung a leak and sprayed all over several of his pricey watercolor paintings, turning them into something akin to SpinArt. Watch out for sharp objects!
that’s a hoot! i was a little worried about leakage and stains, so i wore black. i wouldn’t pack red wine and wear a white top of any sort… it was a lot of fun! but we decided we needed another one – this load only got us to intermission…
daisy fae, you must bring it along on our next holiday baby! and I’m impressed you’re drinking Australian
i find Australian to be extrordinarily tasty! will bring that thing with us on our next adventure – sort of like a poor, drunken man’s corset friday, wasn’t it?
We are very fond of Australian here at the Havens, when we aren’t drinking the Havens’ vintage.
Oh, for cryin’ out loud. First of all, won’t the wine be really warm when you drink it? You *do* have a hot rack. I think the nipple idea is fantastic. Might as well kill two birds with one suckle. What play are you seeing?
it was warm. can’t do white wine, that’s for sure… but mixed drinks, and having a cup full of ice on hand? would be perfect. “Octette Bridge Club” – period comedy/drama about 8 sisters. Not my type of show, but it was extremely well done, and the performances were pretty amazing – forgot i was in a community theater about halfway into the second act…
Stop disparaging community theater! That’s where the action is, sometimes.
i know. there is magic in seeing ‘ordinary’ folks pull the performances from the depths of their souls… often untrained. there was a gal in the cast i ADORE – she’s 80. EIGHTY FUCKING YEARS OLD! She struggles with memorizing lines, but gave a stunning performance last night.
hmmm, that might actually make a work out more tolerable. well done!
You also gotta love a woman who has a flask next to her Flintstone vitamins.
aaaah… the stuff on the counter. oops…
Very useful for keeping your sake warm.
The Girl thought that a brilliant idea. i’m trying to figure out a cooling system. think slushies. perhaps in the summer, i can use this as a means to stay cool on really hot days at the beach!
I’ll have seconds of that.
i should have kept a second bottle in my car, and re-loaded at
half timeintermission. that may be the fatal flaw – it wasn’t big enough to support four of us for very long!Alcohol and breasts. Three of my favorite things!
*snort* mine as well! need a method to pack-mule some dark chocolate, and i believe i could be quite happy…
OK Daisyfae – that is FREAKING fantastic. Kudos to the Boy, creepy as it is, for the discovery.
they’ve both seen the photos, and were amused. now, i can tell you without any doubt whatsoever that there’s no way in hell he’d ever drink out of that particular camelback… THAT would be beyond creepy. even for my clan…
wowsers….but then again this could cause me all sorts of problems at work….”Are you looking at my boobs?” I was just checking for booze….honest…
heh
think of wearing one yourself – and using it as a means to refill wine glasses on busy nights… this could revolutionize the food service industry!
That is too funny! You’re my hero!
i believe i might be able to sit through an entire opera with this! but i wouldn’t share….
I’m keeping quiet on this one.
you know you want me to come to a concert with you. you KNOW it. c’mon…. admit it…
“Drink to me only with thine eyes” ……..
those are not my eyes. my eyes are UP HERE, BUDDY! HEY! UP HERE!
Brilliant idea! Next time try some South African red! 🙂 Wish we had it here (the rack not the wine of course!)!
Hi Val – Welcome to the trailer park! i might work something out with my friend, Dolce, and see if we can start to export this particular product… seems a winner!
WANT!
come to NYC this summer. i’ll hook a sister up…
Victoria, move on over!
THIS is the best kept Secret of them all!
lol
I want one.
*giggle* Victoria can bite me! i got yer adjustable AND drinkable cleavage right here! got it on amazon, believe it or not!
An engineering coup. Would it be too uncomfortable for one side to have the ice, and the other the Scotch? Maybe some kind of apparatus that would cycle the contents from Cup A to Cup B.
(She said Maidenform.. !)
i like this idea – for hot outdoor summer events? margaritas are gonna happen. and i can squirt it out if i squeeze my boobs together. see if i can hit you five rows back?
Do they make a codpiece?
suppose you could modify “The Beer Belly”. holds 80 ounces… that’ll do…
Nice rack! And that’s not just the wine talking?
Whaddaya mean you’ve heard that one before?
PS Awesomeness.
i’m almost too large for the sports bra – finally a big advantage to not have gigantic boobies! and maybe i’ve heard it once or twice before… it’s just meat.
This is an absolutely amazing product. The only downside is that your now phenomenally huge and perky breasts will start to shrink as you near the end of that bottle. Of course, by that time, you might not care anymore.
Both you and the product have my full attention. This post had me laughing and wondering throughout the day.
Thanks, Posky! As part of the instructions, they mention the deflation issue – and you can blow into the tube to ‘re-perkify’ them! it’s pretty brilliant. cleaning/drying it has been a bit of a challenge – having just lost a much loved flask to an inadvertent growth of mold, i’m very careful with the care and maintenance of my alcohol-smuggling gear! i might have to write a book someday…