First Monday of the new year, and i made it to the gym at my regular time. Definitely more crowded than usual, with a mixture of regulars, lapsed-regulars and newbies populating the facility.
Walking the elevated track with my workout buddy, we scouted for open elliptical machines on every pass – finally finding two open after about 10 minutes. Ideally, we try to work out side-by-side, making it easier to
ogle any cute backsides jiggling trackside encourage each other. When it’s crowded, we split up – as we had to do today.
i got going on my machine, and about five minutes into it, an older gent i’ve never seen before approaches the older gent on the machine next to me… i’ve never seen the guy on the adjacent machine either.
Old Guy 1 [as he walks by the machines]: Happy New Year! Awful crowded here today… I’m going to try to find an open treadmill.
Old Guy 2: Don’t worry, they’ll all be gone in a couple of weeks.
As the first old guy walked on towards the treadmill row, i couldn’t help myself…
daisyfae [cheerfully]: i hope they all don’t disappear in two weeks! Here’s to healthier people in 2011!
Old Guy 2: I guess that would be good for you [looking at me sideways, implying that i’m a newbie]
daisyfae [still cheerful]: Oh, my name’s daisyfae – i’m here every day – i don’t recognize you! Been coming down here for the last 10 years or so…
Old Guy 2: Well I’ve been coming here for 47 years…
daisyfae [huge smile]: Wow! This place has only been open for about 10 – you were coming here before it was open! THAT’S dedication!
Old Guy 2: [replaces earphones and goes back to watching Fox News on monitor]
daisyfae [under her breath]: And i’m guessin’ i’ll still be coming here ten years after you’re dead, asshole.
From that point on, i assaulted that elliptical machine with renewed vigor! There is power in this ‘cheerfully obnoxious’ thing – i felt like i’d just scored a blow for all of the out of shape chubbies of the world who are genuinely trying to do better this year! Like a health club vigilante – delivering justice* to gym nazis!
As i approached the 30 minute mark – which is the maximum time allowed on the machines when others are waiting – i looked around for someone looking for an open machine. i was rewarded with the hopeful face of a woman who’d just arrived – someone i’d never seen before! i held up one finger and mouthed the words “One minute” and pointed to my machine – and was further rewarded with a relieved smile!
Grabbing a paper towel and the antibacterial juice to wipe down my machine before turning it over to her, i couldn’t help but notice that Old Guy 2 was still going on his machine – and had set his workout time for 60 minutes! As i turned my machine over to the newbie, i felt compelled to get in one last dig…
daisyfae [loud enough that Old Guy 2 could hear me over his headphones]: There’s a 30 minute limit on these, unless you’re special! [pointing at him] Maybe he bought** an elite membership or something….
Vengeance! Sometimes it’s pretty tasty when it’s served hot, too!
Image found here – and the Fat Fury is AWESOME! Fueled by lollipops! Hellz yeah!
* Better yet? Like Manuel the Waiter, wielding his Rusty Stabbing Fork of Justice at horrible customers who put brown sauce on well done steaks!
** Remember, it’s a free gym. You couldn’t pay for it if you tried…