It was almost three years ago when my former mother-in-law died. i awkwardly asked my ex-husband about possibly stopping by to pay my respects, but primarily due to the psychotic jealousy of his live-in girlfriend, he suggested it would be best if i didn’t. So i didn’t.
Friday night, my ex-father-in-law died. i got a call from The Girl late in the morning, and she was leaving work to go be with her Dad, EJ, who’d just called in a state of serious freak-out. About a month ago, my ex-husband put a boot in the ass of the barking bitch he had been living with for about four years, so he was dealing with a 92-year-old man having a massive stroke all by himself.
The Boy packed up and left work around the same time, and both of the kids made the three-hour trek in time to provide back-up support to their dad. Around the same time they arrived, EJ’s yuppie lawyer sister, J, had arrived. This took some of the pressure off, as it was clear they’d be facing the tough ‘end game’ decision processes soon.
Grandpa died later that evening, after the arrival of EJs other sister, S. Discussions began regarding memorial service and funeral arrangements. With a crew of grandchildren who would be making the trek for the service, logistics were going to be challenging.
Turns out, The Boy was born one day after J delivered her son, A. Furthermore, it turns out that their birthdays are coming up next week. With the travel constraints, Monday was the optimal day to have the services. Apparently, it would not do to have Grandpa’s memorial service on A’s birthday.
J, the yuppie sister and mother of A, began lobbying hard to move the memorial service to Tuesday, as it would be absolutely terrible for A to have to associate he death of his grandfather with his 22nd birthday. Either J had completely forgotten that The Boy’s birthday is Tuesday, or she’s just a selfish cow and didn’t give a shit.
When EJ asked The Boy if he would have a problem with it? He simply said “It’s just another day, and it’s not like I’m twelve years old. You’d think A could ‘man up’, but I guess not…”
In the end, due to the availability of a key grandson-in-law (ie: pall bearer), it will be Monday. And poor little A will have to suck it the fuck up…
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…and for what it’s worth, i’m not going this time, either. Even though the barking bitch is gone, it would still add another bit of stress to things for my ex-husband. My kids are there, they have his back, and i’ve got theirs by remote. there really isn’t anything i can do to make anything any better…
Trailer Park Refugee 
families, sugar. sometimes… xoxoxox
we had a good laugh about it… that’s something!
I’m going with the “she’s a selfish cow and she didn’t give a shit” theory
i always tried pretty hard to like this sister for the 25 years we were together? but ultimately failed…
I’m with Nursie on this one, fucking yuppies…. have i told you how much i like that boy of yours, he seems like a fine lad.
he’s got a pretty fabulous brain! he just needs to listen to it sometimes…
“suck it yuppie bitch.”
I love that you don’t mince words.
wish i’d had the opportunity to point out to her the self-absorption in her request, but alas, divorce took that opportunity away from me… pretty sure my ex-husband got in the dig, though. he doesn’t like her much, either.
Yes, the milestone in a man’s life that is the 22nd birthday. It’s right up there with all those other important birthdays, like 16, 18, and 21.
I don’t remember what I did for my 22nd birthday. I was in college at the time so I probably got drunk and laid.
after 21? the only milestone left is 25, when you can rent a car. beyond that? all the milestones are along the lines of “dude, i’m OLD!”
Sounds like last year when I had to talk my oldest brother out of having my mom’s funeral on Christmas Eve….no shit!
From the past few posts…not counting the Poinsettia saga, seems like the gyro-scope of your world is kind of wonky right now. Sometimes life just sucks, but not all the time.
wouldn’t it be impossible to find a church available on christmas eve? and yes, it’s been a rather odd run of “what the fuck?” lately… i need a little sleep…
Oh, the poor thing! He’s probably going through the terrible twenty-twos.
he did use Grandpa’s untimely death to get out of one of his final exams… that he was not really prepared for. poor dear…
People tend to die at the most inconvenient times. Luckily my Dad died on one of our wedding anniversaries which means I never forget either ……. how did the Boy get to be so balanced BTW?
if Grandpa had been near death over christmas, i suspect J would have suggested putting him on life support until the party season had passed…. His balance comes from his father’s side, i believe…
My father actually died on my brother’s birthday. He wasn’t such a great guy (my father, that is) and we thought he did it on purpose. His final fuck you to his eldest son.
sounds as though your father might have regretted only having one life to give to fuck with his children…
SNAP!
Divorce really is the gift that keeps on giving. I think we know where the Boy gets his balance.
and my divorce was easy. technically? it was a “disillusionment” – perfect name for such a legal proceeding, isn’t it? now that i think about it, The Boy gets his balance from about a decade of skateboarding. he’s pretty good…
“When EJ asked The Boy if he would have a problem with it? He simply
said “It’s just another day, and it’s not like I’m twelve years old.”
Good lad. Fine attitude. Shit happens, even on birthdays. If you don’t mind me saying so, as one parent to another, I reckon you’ve done a rather good job there.
pretty proud of both of them for sucking up the discomfort of “death of a fairly distant relative” and “smelly family events”. they were there to look after their father. pretty cool…
The times we worry about the boy are all forgotten when he makes us so proud.
You’ve done a fine, fine job.
I go with “selfish cow who doesn’t give a shit”..Their in every family and tend to rear their ugly heads around holidays and tragic family events.
at 21 and 364/365ths years of age? i have to trust that my job is primarily done… and yes, holidays plus death? good times. good times…
Well done, boy! Well done indeed.
i had suggested he get Uncle G, J’s husband, shitfaced drunk, and then get him whipped into an angry frenzy about how shitty J and the entitled spawn are, since G is the one who has funded the extravagant lifestyle they enjoy, and they treat him like dirt… but i guess the opportunity didn’t arise… i’m really not that good of a mother…
That’s some bullshit right there.
Why do some people use their family to create more drama than is necessary – especially at times of need? Yeah, maybe if he was 10 I could see A’s point. Maybe. But. 22?
Bitch, please.
welcome to The Park, nikki! and you have summed it up nicely – “Bitch, please.” just to drop those two words on her would have felt pretty good…
The Boy certainly is your son isn’t he?! That must make you terribly proud in front of those yuppie bitches….(not that we need a reason to be proud around yuppies other than purely not being a yuppie…..
the fun part? The Boy and A could not be more opposite – in looks or soul. i remember at a family wedding years ago, 14 year old A was charming the blue-haired ladies by showing off his ballroom dancing skills. i was sneaking wine and sips of beer to my kids…
The Boy is super cool. Poor Grandpa is dead. Who the hell cares what day his funeral falls on? Big picture, here, Folks. Big picture. Your yuppie sister-in-law sounds like a whiny doofus. I should know. I come from a long line of whiny doofi.
He’s still up north, hanging out with his dad. The Girl had to come home today because of work tomorrow. They done good – and are working their holiday schedules around making sure they’ve got plenty of time to spend with him… which is good with me. Christmas is just another day… And yes. Big Picture is the way to approach these things.
Well, when Jim’s mother died the only day we could have the funeral (due to church availability issues plus travel from all corners of the country for her six children issues) was on Valentine’s Day (a Monday that year).
Aside from having one of the major romantic holidays forever associated with the funeral of the very much loved family matriarch, you should have seen the expression on the florist’s face when we showed up at his shop on the Saturday before Valentine’s Day wishing for a complete suite of flowers: vases for the “Grandchildren’s arrangement”, side arrangements, casket topper, etc.
They did a wonderful job, the flowers were beautiful and On Time. I’m still not sure how they managed it on such short notice.
i’m surprised you weren’t charged an arm, leg and torso for the flowers at that time of year! the prices of roses skyrocket! that florist may have been an angel in disguise! the discussions now are around when to do the interment – in another city. EJ wants it done soon, but a brother-in-law is arguing to wait til spring… (sigh) Not my worry…
In-laws. I have two sets of them now – three if you count Rob’s late wife’s family, which I do.
The one thing I have noticed is that for the most part, no one is immune from that one slightly selfish sib or the batshit crazy one. Dysfunction seems to be the normal mode of function.
Now that the eldest daughter is partnered up and heading toward settling in, I am more acutely aware of the in-law thing than ever. It’s a weird feeling shoe.
Sorry to hear about EJ and the kids loss and that you couldn’t be there. Back up at a distance is an important position on the field of play too.
there has to be a bit of awkwardness with the widowed/remarried in-law situation as well… and i’ll spot J a little bit of leeway. Even with an elderly spouse, death is difficult to deal with, i think… i’ve adopted a far more ‘hands off’ approach to all relatives, and it seems to be working well. and it is important ‘life training’ for the kids… we all have to learn to deal with it.