Bicycle built for “Ewwww”

After an aborted bicycle* ride this afternoon, exploiting another weekend of indian summer weather, i was contemplating taking out the motorcycle for another cruise to nowhere.

We returned my wounded bike to the garage.  i asked my bicycle buddy, Studly McRocklegs – who is also my motorcycle buddy – to stick around a couple of minutes to make sure i could get the motorcycle to start.  A couple of tries, a little choke here, a little choke there, and he** coughed to life.

Straddling the crotchety old bastard***, i wanted to make sure he got a good warm up, and wouldn’t stall out on me.  As i revved the throttle, i put on a silly performance for Studly – pretending to be riding that motorized bronco for a bit of self pleasure.

i could barely hear him bust out laughing over the sound of the engine, but followed his glance to the doorway from the garage that leads to my kitchen.  Where my daughter was taking in my performance – displaying a look of the most abject horror i’ve ever seen.

Ya know, i didn’t think it was possible.  But i have discovered yet another way to traumatize my children…

pic found here

* Flat tire – about 8 1/2 miles into a planned 20 mile bike ride.  Oops.  We tried to replace the inner tube, but decided that timing-wise it might work out ok if Studly rode back to the car, and i walked the 2 miles back toward a place we could meet up for lunch.  Worked out ok, but i need to get my fucking bike fixed… Turns out, walking in bike shoes is not particularly pleasant.  Punishment for not performing proper maintenance on my non-motorized two-wheeled friend…

** Motorcycle.  Not Studly.

*** Motorcycle.  Not Studly.

31 thoughts on “Bicycle built for “Ewwww”

  1. how come McStudly never has a camera ready for those pics.
    children are here for us to torture so they get it right with their own kids. how are they to know the proper torture strategies without us showing them.

  2. The old gal in the pic? That’s quite the stogie.

    UB pretty much beat to the rest of my comment. As stunning as your verbal visuals are, have you considered v-logging? There’s a niche, I’m sure, for you at youtube.

    • i love that pic. can almost hear the gravel in her voice, can’t you? i shall never have a v-log. it has been said that i have a face for radio. and video killed the radio star… not happening… possibly a muppet podcast, however.

  3. I know everyone’s going on and on about the moto-pleasuring, but can I switch gears to your tire-changing regimen?

    Do ya travel with the compressed air thingy? Breaks my heart that you cut your ride short jus’ for a flat. And don’t beat yourself up about the maintenance — it can happen at any time, really.

    Of course, I’m a fine one to talk — I haven’t done a bike ride of any degree of seriousness in months.

    • don’t have the air compressor. this was a case of an incorrectly sized innertube. i need to have my own repair gear, and will remedy that before next season. i’ve put over 3,000 miles on the odometer on this bike in 4 seasons. i should probably take better care of it…

    • you know, i hadn’t. but as soon as i read your question, the name “Bruce” popped into my head. Yes. “That” Bruce. about the same vintage. Just seems right. i’ll have to work on the middle name…

    • i was thinking Springsteen, but now that you mention it? the Jaws shark was pretty awesome… The Girl is fine. She mentioned yesterday that she’s pretty sure i’ve done worse, but that she’s successfully repressed the memories.

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