When I Grow Up…

From the Trailer Park this week…

My niece, DQ, and her husband, BJ, decided that a weekend of rest and relaxation was in order.  They arranged for one of DQs cousins to stay at the house, to keep an eye on the 3-year-old, DQ, III and Mom. 

They packed up the 15-year-old, DQ Jr, and one of her friends, along with the gnarly off-road 4×4, and headed to the hills of Tennessee for a couple of days.

Never one to go “off-grid” for long, DQ provided a fairly continuous stream of Facebook updates over the course of two days.  From her “I’m freezing!” tweets, to the rants about their brand new 4×4 when the transmission crapped out, she was broadcasting for all to see. 

Including a very difficult to read “TMI Collection” about great sex with BJ when they found some time alone at the hotel.

One cringe-inducing post after another.  Watching a UFC fight at the Hooters.  BJ puking his guts out after the visit to Hooters.  Photos of the teenage girls shooting automatic weapons at the gun range. 

The crowning glory, however, was the photo she posted when they finally made it home.  Apparently there was a bit of souvenir shopping for the littlest member of the trailer park.  From the Hooters gift shop…

Just in case you can’t read the shirt, it says “Future Hooters Girl”.  Awww…

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40 thoughts on “When I Grow Up…

  1. Not “Future world-shaper like my Aunt” but “Future Hooter’s Girl”. Although she still may grow up to be my ideal – An astro-physicist moonlighting (or should that be star-lighting) as a Hooter’s girl.

    • no longer a ‘world-shaper’, but a party girl, but appreciate the thought! i love Hooters – the restaurant chain AND boobies. they are what they are, and make no excuses. but on a 3 year old?

  2. What’s higher on the trailer park social ladder: Hooters waitress or stripper? I’m going to say stripper because the stripper makes more in tips and does it all in 6-inch heels.

    • strippers out rank hooters waitresses. in fact, when they pass on the street, the lesser ranking must salute the higher ranking. the “Ping Pong Ball” girls are equivalent to Colonels. To be a General? You have to be running a brothel or something…

    • What’s worse, a t-shirt that says “pink and moist” or “future hooters girl?” I went to the liquor store yesterday and ended up behind some girl wearing stretch pants that said “Juicy” across the butt. She was buying two bottles of tequila. I thought, drink all that and you’ll be juicy alright.

  3. Well…at least they have high hopes that she will at least have a job. Perhaps their just looking for ways that she can pay for college.

    • my sexuality is a substantial part of who i am. but it wasn’t thrust upon me at 3 years old. in the comments under the photo, one of DQs cousins asked “Do you think her Daddy is going to like that?” and DQ replied “Well, I think it’s cute!”

  4. You’ll never see one of those on my daughters. No offense intended, of course.

    I always think it’s a bad idea to broadcast the fact that you’re going out of town on Facebook. Doesn’t that invite a parade of break-in experts to your front door?

    • Then i guess i should cancel that delivery i was sending for the holidays!

      The facebook threat is somewhat over-hyped. If you manage your privacy controls, and don’t accept every yahoo that wants to be your friend, it’s a minor risk. Still not a great idea. There have been a couple high profile cases of opportunistic burglaries due to vacation postings, but like everything else in american culture, it’s been blown out of proportion.

  5. what? you mean… you’re NOT supposed to broadcast your sexual escapades on the interwebz? ummm… excuse me. i have to go ‘aggressively moderate’ some of my prior updates on facebook. and those strange looks you get at work? think nothing of them…

    • she’s had feuds with in laws out there, too. i think the ‘sex’ posts were the most disturbing, though… (and yes, you need to clean up your Facebook photos, too!)

    • honestly? i suspect that the most mind blowing part of the sex is that they had it. with 800 people living in their ‘trailer’ suspect they have limited privacy.

  6. It’s so heart-warming to see parents inspiring their kids. I’ve always thought it was a shame that all the little girl pageants are training for Miss America. Where are the Little Miss Coppertone Bikini Contest, or Junior Jersey Shore pageants for the future Hooter’s waitresses?

  7. I’m sorry, but I can’t stop laughing. I don’t know what’s funnier, the facebook entry about their great sex, the t shirt, the 4×4’s broken transmission…. I’m overwhelmed.

  8. Okay, we loved the post and the comments are priceless. I don’t have a lot to add except the question arose when I was reading about the need for a weekend of rest and relaxation and the decision to take a 15 year old and her friend along. And the next question is, what did they do with those two teenagers while they were engaging in mind blowing sex??? Was this a tutorial expedition?

    I just don’t get all this tweeting and posting about your sexual exploits that is going on right now. I’m pretty sure that I have mind-blowing sex on a regular basis, and there are times when I come across these young people bragging about it when I want to challenge them to a scientifically designed “mind-blowage” test for sexual results. You know, with brain scans and electrodes and measurements of endorphin and dopamine production. . . maybe THAT is a contest I could actually win. I want to run around screeching things like “You kids don’t have a mind to blow, and I’m pretty sure that a good blow job is not the same as a mind blow.”

    I’m just out of sorts today. No mind blowing sex in the past couple of days, I guess.

    • i was stumped by the vacation weekend, when A) They are broke and in debt B) the 4×4 they bought had to have cost at least $10K C) there’s been no progress on Mom’s house since the concrete was poured. They visited friends in Tennessee, so the girls went to the gun range with the family friends while the ‘nasty’ was accomplished.

      and i tend to agree with you about that “mind blowing” thing. if someone had told me when i was in my 20’s what i’d be up to as i approach 50? i’d have been more likely to believe in the easter bunny! i got yer “mind blowing” right here! here’s hoping you can get some stress relief over the weekend – please be sure to blog about it, too! 🙂

  9. Wait, did you just say L’il Skank clothes? another million dollar idea from the mind of Daisyfae, you wouldn’t be able to keep that shit on the shevles in my neighborhood.

    • we could hang it next to the “Lazy Cougar” stuff at the walmarts! there are ’boutique’ stores at the malls – one is called “Wet Seal” – that basically sell slutty clothes for teen aged girls. why not have something to train the younger set?

    • i have no doubt the little one has lots of toy guns. but hey, i had toy guns, too! so that’s entirely different. because i’m not fucked up because of it. right? RIGHT?

  10. Oh. My. ?. And I thought my niece’s post of a little girl’s t-shirt at Wal-Mart, stating “Future Mrs. Bieber” was bad.

    Most of the rest of the story? Leaves me speechless.

    • i just shake my head. while cringing. this weekend? they were carving “Pornkins” and delivering them to the doorsteps of friends in the middle of the night. they get points for at least getting the perverse pumpkins out of the house before the 3 year old woke up, anyway…

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