Just over two years since i moved into my condo… and it remains a home decorating disaster.
With the assistance of a “Color Coordinator” person, i got some of it painted. With the assistance of my daughter, Amy Sedaris and a brown dog in a tuxedo, i managed to develop a plan for the living room. Sort of…
Since last winter, i haven’t really made any progress – not counting the bit of finger painting that was created by a transient drunken youth in my basement. The colors were ok, so i framed it and and parked it over the sofa until i find something else for that big ol’ empty space…
i really have no excuse, other than the fact that i’m lazy and really don’t care all that much about “stuff”. i get annoyed with it from time to time, especially when i open the drawers of my particle-board dresser and the entire thing sways precariously to the right because the quarter-inch bit of plywood on the back has broken and is no longer providing structural support.
Oops. Gotta add a new chest of drawers to the list… When i get around to doing the bedroom. One of these days. Probably after i get a new dining room table. And the wine cabinet/bar thingie i picked out last year. Oooh, and hang that gorgeous bedspread that my Dad’s mother made for her wedding night. And find something that is not a drunken finger painting for my living room wall.
Did i mention i’m lazy?
In fact, i’m so lazy, that it takes a concept that feeds my extreme laziness to get me off my ass to start moving on the next round of improvements. Simple in concept, relatively inexpensive, and the project can probably be completed in about two hours worth of shopping, and thirty minutes of piecing together a bit of flat pack furniture.
It will be within arms reach of my bed. i will be able to stretch a sleepy arm to my side, whack a button, and snag that first jolt of caffeine before my feet come in contact with the floor. There is going to be a coffee bar in my bedroom. i am THAT lazy…
Design drawings for the mechanical arm that brings a cup to my pillow-wrinkled face and pours a stream of life-giving caffeine down my throat will be considered from all qualified vendors…
Trailer Park Refugee 
Envy, Envy, Envy.
I have my coffee machine but I have to get into the kitchen to use it. That ruins much of the effect.
I wonder if’n I can get one o’ them tharrrr thingos imported into Oz. The name alone is great.
when winter arrives in this hemisphere? i shall not leave the down comforter on my bed to get my coffee… Howard Hughes and Brian Wilson would be proud of my future sluggardliness. But the Deadman’s Reach is a brand of coffee. This is the one-cup brewer machine thingie…
the coffee is setup the night before and is ready when we get up. we’re both half asleep, so it isn’t really like waking up to do 2 cuppas and bring them back to bed. but when the MITM is gone, i’ll be bringing the small coffee maker in the bedroom, sugar! as long as there’s sugar, i can drink it black, if it means i can stay under the covers! xoxoxox
i used to make up the coffee before bed. in fact, i still do it when i travel. but i’m simply too lazy to walk to the kitchen to get it. once i’m up? i’m up….
dude, get a Keurig. Can sit right by your bed and make a cup at the press of the button. It is THE GREATEST.
that is EXACTLY what i’m getting. my original thought was to even have water lines and a small sink plumbed in, but i can get started without that… that’ll be Phase IV…
COFFEE!!!!!! Natures finest gift to us.. EVER!!!!!!!
I can drink it black when the brain cells are still half asleep but I usually just add some splenda. Takes at least 2 cups to feel half alive.I’m on the hunt for a new brand of coffee..Gevalia just got too expensive for our consumption rate and everything else is falling short of that smooth flavor.
here’s the problem – i need coffee to be awake. i can’t make coffee or walk to get it while asleep. therefore, bring it to bed! my daughter’s been buying good beans (organic, free trade) from somewhere, and that’s some tasty coffee… since she does the shopping? it’s effectively delivered to my door. that’s part of my ‘lazy’…
You need a houseboy 😉
one without vocal cords… oh, yeah!
Damn, I can speak. Yet another job I’m unqualified for.
for you? exceptions shall be maid… i’ll send the application. but you’ll have to deal with my dog. no favoritism towards the cat…
Hey, the robot arm thing is right up my alley. I may have to do some prototyping before I can provide for others, though. Thanks for the idea.
see what you can do with that. bonus points if it can… ummm…. multi-task?
Damn, girl! Now you’ve really got an idea. Of course, there will have to be some pretty serious safety interlocks. We wouldn’t want it to confuse delivering hot coffee with other activities. User testing could be fun, though.
happy to work out the details for the beta test. safety is important. hot coffee would be bad. hot wax? maybe ok. let’s schedule the design meeting…
My advice? Do nothing. Just wait until the dust gets thick enough to rake into interesting patterns. Add a few rocks and you’ll have a Zen living room.
you’ve seen my bathroom?
Don’t move the original art! Original makes it look like you care, even though you might not. It’s hard to manufacture enthusiasm for something you don’t really care about. And it’s not lazy. You’re out of town a lot. Who wants to decorate when you’ve got downtime?
How’s that for rationale? No charge.
i have two pieces of small original art in the billiards room downstairs – local kid who is really good. wanted to encourage him, and ended up with two sweet, freaky pencil drawings… the finger painting, however, is not exactly what i had in mind.. i’ll keep working on it! (glad you’re back! missed you!)
I like the drunken finger painting.
Oh, we are such coffee snobs, no way would we allow the freshly roasted and freshly ground beans to sit in a coffee maker all night getting stale. . . That reminds me. I need to roast coffee today.
it looks better in person! but it’s still not what i was thinking – just got tired of the blank wall. i enjoy a fine cup of coffee, but am sadly carrying an unrefined coffee tasting gene. i drink folgers, from a dirty pot, at the office, and that’s just fine with me!
When I was a bachelor I used to have a picture of the grim reaper hanging over the toilet in the bathroom. I thought it was a cool reminder of mortality. You know, you only get so many visits in here before you’re dead, so make them count. My wife didn’t get the humor involved though, so I was not able to continue the decorating fad. I’m not sure where that picture is now.
i wish i could find my print of Van Gogh’s “smoking skeleton” that adorned my wall all through high school. you can’t go wrong with a skull, or death. especially in the bathroom. i like that style still…
Hmm… mental note: create Renal Failure art fixtures for the home. A painting of Ninja Vicki fighting Samurai Cathy would really tie the room together.
i believe you could sell renal failure character artwork. in fact, if you had a collage of the characters handy? i might just buy it…
It looks perfectly organised to me young Daisy …… large couch ….. that’s all that’s needed ……. apart from the coffee thing of course ……. gingernut?
the sofa is fine. leather. which makes it dog-tolerant and easy to clean. it is truly flop-worthy. perfect for coffee and gingernuts!
I quite like the picture, but I reckon the houseplant is a real star. Erm. Is it real?
surprisingly, both plants are real – and thriving, despite my well-documented ability to kill all botanical life within a 10 mile radius! the plant on the coffee table is a damned poinsettia from last christmas! i expected it to die, but gave it water every few days. it has become quite the monster, and i’m going to bag it up for the month of october in hopes that it will bloom again at christmas!
If you’re traveling all the time, I can totally see why you wouldn’t care about decorating. If your daughter is bringing coffee to you in the morning, I’d even bag the whole coffee maker next to the bed idea.
(I think a bright color on the walls with white woodwork would look cool with the couch.)
i’m really not home much, so that’s part of my reluctance to invest what little nuggets of free time that i DO have into shopping, painting, and hanging stuff on walls. she doesn’t bring it to me in bed – she buys it, though, which is more than i would do if i lived completely alone. kinda like the idea of the white wooden frame for something bright over the sofa… hmmm…
Hearing the opening theme from “Pee Wee’s Big Adventure” playing…
And your finger painting art looks fine to me. You know, for what it’s worth.
i like that as a theme song! i may have to use it when i enter a meeting!
my house will never be ‘done’….it’s a weeping sore of things needing fixed and painted etc….I give up mostly…
mine shall also never be ‘done’. i just stay gone, or move from room to room so it annoys me less…
You are my fucking hero.
wow. i’m a lazy, hedonistic, frequently drunk burn-out with more money than sense. you’ve set lofty goals….