A glimpse into your character emerges when you are lost. Do you get pissed off? Start blaming the layout of the damn city for such an illogical arrangement? Stay cool, stop and ask direction as soon as you realize you aren’t where you want to be? Turn around and back-track to see if you can discover where you went wrong?
Yeah, we all turn down the radio in the car when we really don’t know where the hell we are. That’s a given…
When i’m driving, and realize i’ve got nary a clue* as to where i am, i just poke around until something looks familiar. Backtrack a little. Wander a little. “Phone a friend” if it makes sense. Eventually i end up where i intended to go.
For the past several months, i’ve had a vague feeling of being lost. Not on my drive to work or anything. Just lost in general. Ms. Melodramatic has even said the words out loud to herself on occasion – trying them out to see what they taste like. Unlike driving through a scary neighborhood when you’re late, and trying to find the office of a new doctor, it hasn’t been “panic” lost. More of a free-floating “wonder if i’m going to get there” lost.
Since i had a few errands to run on a rather spectacular late summer afternoon, i hopped in the Jeep today and charted a meandering path to soak up some sunshine and knock a few items off the mundane ‘to do’ list. Driving from the pharmacy to my favorite spot for cheap gas, i was singing random song snippets to myself, and enjoying the day.
It finally hit me that i’m not even close to being lost. Far from it. i can navigate the streets of my existence blindfolded in a hurricane. All of my senses let me know where i am. The smell of the gym as i bash my muscles and bones. The taste of the bourbon barrel ale consumed with good friends around a pub table. The warmth of the large brown dog who lies contentedly on my feet. Chattering voices outside my office, letting me know that i’m late for a meeting.
i am here. Right here. No doubt about it.
What i don’t know, however, is where i am going. i’m not lost. i’m wandering aimlessly. Destination unknown. Enjoying the scenery.
* No, i do not have GPS. Nothing against them. In fact, when i’m with someone who has a Garmin, or even the iPhone app that ‘pings’ your location, i find it fascinating. i just don’t want one. When i travel on business, i study maps and locations in advance, and use mapquest to prepare large-print directions from “point A” to “point B”. Something comforting for me to have studied a map before i get somewhere… Usually works out ok.