It’s my party, and I’ll snub who I want to…

When i got the e-mail from my sister T’s partner, TK, i was amused.

So the reason I am writing you is to see how your calendar looks for the weekend of August 20 – 22. I’m thinking about having a surprise party for T’s 50th. Would you consider coming down to surprise her? Please be honest with me…

Also, I think you would be the only family member I would invite as I think any others would be a problem. Do you agree? Would that create tension in the family? I just don’t know so any direction you can give me would be great. You know how much T resents them.

TK has been with my sister T for several years, and i have learned that she loves my sister a lot.  She has been tremendously resourceful in helping T manage bipolar disorder – which can be devastating.  She looks out for T’s best interests, and has on a few occasions contacted me* to intervene when the Trailer Park bullshit caused stress.

We sorted some ideas, and i figured it would be easy for me to get there for a party.  In fact, i could even craft a story for my Mom that i had a business trip in the region, and just decided to pop down to surprise T for the big 50th.  It was credible, and designed to minimize family drama, and prevent stress being dumped on T or my Mom.

It was one rather unfortunate tactical error on my part that sort of screwed things up.

The surprise party?  Perfectly executed, with military precision, by TK and her extended family!  My sister, T, was stunned when she walked into the party room to find 30 friends cheering for her!  She about fell over when she finally spotted me in the crowd!  i haven’t seen her for over a year, and it was fun to have a chance to meet her friends – people i’ve heard about for years but never met in person.

My mistake?  In the wee hours of Friday morning, while i was still in the wet clothes i had been wearing when i got the partiers to jump in the pool, i put up a silly facebook post, thinking that my extended family might like to know that T got a helluva good party for her 50th.


Before i managed to get to bed that night, i received the following e-mail from my Ridiculously Self-Absorbed Sister, S:

I’m glad to see that you’re allowed to have a relationship with T but we aren’t — that’s right — “she’s all you have!”

Last April, S was poking at T with the Ronco Pit Bull Teasing Stick, with a whiney-assed series of e-mails to T’s work address.  When T finally told her to “Stop e-mailing me at this address”, S was mortally offended, continued to send a few more e-mails despite the request, and was horrified that the family was being abandoned by T.

i thought it was resolved, and all sleeping doggies were resting comfortably.  Apparently not. 

How selfish do you have to be in order to find offense when two of your sisters are able to get together to celebrate a birthday?  Especially when the birthday celebrant lives 1,000 miles from the homestead, and is rarely visited by family**?

Oh, that’s right… S is the sister who managed to become completely derailed by my cancer diagnosis (the old “Oh my god!  What am I going to do?  My little sister has cancer?” routine).  The same sister who melted down in a hospital after Mom had a cardiac catheterization (the patented “Oh my god!  I’m not ready for Mom to die!  What will I do without her?” tantrum).

Of course it was all about her.  Everything is.


* It was TK who first got T to call me when the last round of serious Trailer Park Stoopid was underway.

** The lack of visitors is, at least in part, due to the fact that T can be rather intense.  Especially when she is under stress.  This has led to a few bad moments when family did visit in the past.  In reality?  It’s clearly best that the rest of the clan keeps a distance…

29 thoughts on “It’s my party, and I’ll snub who I want to…

  1. Bitchy family members can sure as hell ruin a good time. Hey! At least you got everyone to jump in the pool before your sister’s snarky comments could bum you out!

  2. Thank God all my sisters and I are as tight as a nun’s you know what. But we have to go to ridiculous lengths to stop my mother finding out we’ve got together (we all live in different cities). PsychoMother is mortally offended whenever we meet without her because “it’s a family meeting. Aren’t I part of the family.”

    At which we all wish we could shout either “NO” or even just say reasonably, “but I’ve seen you recently but I haven’t seen my baby sister for 6 months.”

    She’s incredibly paranoid that we’re all lying to her, because of course we are, but she forces us too.

    You’re not alone by a long shot, Daisyfae.

  3. It might seem presumptuous on my part, but I’ve seen the evidence of S’s “attitude” in just about every comment she leaves on your page. If I were in that situation…..well, let’s just say you handle it with more grace than I ever could. Or would.

    Glad you could get down to T’s party and really make it a good surprise.

  4. Ugh, family strife. It can be the worst! Sorry you have to deal with it. I have to deal with my own — well, not mine, between two of my daughters. It’s enough to keep me roiling for days at a time. Did I mention, ugh?

  5. robin – didn’t ruin my weekend at all! and the pool thing? sort of a ‘signature move’ of mine… this time? cannonball while wearing a long summer dress. managed to remember to take off my glasses and remove my phone before jumping, too!

    savannah – it boggles the mind. but i have a mantra “Not my fucking problem”. Repeat it with me. As often as needed…

    queenwilly – ah, the power of a common foe! wouldn’t it be funny to think that psycho mom planned it that way, to assure that her children remained close? doubtful, but fun. love the ‘nun’ comment. i’m using that!

    rob – the “S” that posts on my page isn’t my sister. she’s a lurker, and never comments. that’d be my cousin S – a very sweet woman who is dealing with her own version of a bitter mother/trailer park issues. in general, though, i am doing much better at letting it all bounce off me! I AM KEVLAR! that, and “not my fucking problem” are the mantras that are my shields…

    fragrantliar – you bring up a good point. when my two spawn have been at odds with each other? it’s awful. staying out of the fray. watching as they sort it out. or not. seriously “ugh”. reminds me of some of the stress that my mother must carry watching this crap play out year after year…

  6. Right now I kind of feel lucky that I don’t have any sisters and just one older brother who lives in Colorado and doesn’t do email or really care what I’m up to for that matter. Mainly it’s that way because our Mom lives near me and the two of them are like oil and water, so he’s happy to let me be in the trenches while he hides out in the hills.

  7. I can’t take in all this information – nun’s have very tight you know whats and Hello Kitty tattoos are cool – or was that another post? …. I don’t even have a sister …… and why wasn’t I mentioned? Anyhoo …. about my rash ….. oh never mind …… no one cares anyway ……. *sulk*

  8. texastrailerparktrash – i am feeling more like an only child with each passing year. that’s not a bad thing… i appreciate that my niece has taken on the care of my mother. i am now looking forward to leaving the trailer park for good one of these days…

    gnukid – the gypsies laughed. said they need people who are willing to lift a finger, which is required for lifting a wallet…

    DP – i’ll try to work out a playbook for you next time. or just start posting video?

  9. My goddess I think we live in the same family. I have sisters very much like this. I haven’t completely developed “Not my problem” as a mantra, but I’m working on it.

    At least my son is an only child.

  10. You can almost admire the wonderfully self-absorbed for their complete lack of recognition that the sun and moon and stars don’t actually rotate around their ass. But damn are they annoying.

  11. I think your title says it all. It is perfectly fine to invite whom ever you want to where ever you want. People who are insecure tend to over do the whole “you didn’t invite me” card because they have a pretty good level of paranoia.

  12. One older sister, one younger and baby brother. I am astounded everytime is read one of the “Park” stories – I swear you have my family. I haven’t quite said “Not My Fucking Problem” yet, but you give me hope that I can soon.

  13. How many times to I have to tell people that Facebook is the devil’s playground and that no good can come from it? I don’t care what all the cool kids are playing with. All it takes is one small slip like this and it all comes crashing down.

    Was that too preachy? All apologies if it was.

  14. HMH – the “not my problem” vent has kept me level lately. better yet? i’ve taught it to others… keep working on it. guilt? poof… let it go…

    kyknoord – i got to see the FUN sister! she may be bipolar, but she’s a damn good time! we played, danced, jumped in the pool with our clothes on, and threw down like champs. the next day? they took me out to the tip of the florida keys on their boat. they are really fun. meanwhile, back in the park? S and DQ sulked, bitched, and whined about being unloved and unappreciated. oh, yeah. new definition of ‘win-win’…

    kono – just as they are not likely to influence or change my behavior? there ain’t a damn thing i can do to make any changes in how they view the world. i wish them well. but yeah, they annoy the crap out of me…

    hisqueen – exactly. it was T’s b-day. if she wants to spend it dumpster diving behind the local grocery store? that’s her business… fortunately, she hasn’t gotten back to that state lately…

    middlesister – the gift of “not my fucking problem”. it is a beautiful thing. learning to blink and nod and say “wow, that really sucks!” when they lay the latest round of “poor me!” at your feet? you can do it. practice with a few little things – like when they whine incessantly about getting a speeding ticket that they deserved, or when they have to pay full price on something because the coupon was expired… you can work up to the big stuff!

    chris – my only conundrum? i still WANT to call her out on it. to try “conditioned/response” techniques – hold her accountable for the consequences of her self-absorption. there’s part of me that wants her to LEARN HOW SELFISH SHE IS. but that will never happen, and it will only provide more drama. Must. Let. It. Go.

    unbearable banishment – yes. far too preachy. but it’s not like i’m going to listen to you or anything! for me, the overall entertainment value outweighs the risk. and quite honestly? i really don’t care much about what DQ and S think of me. i just want them to leave Mom out of it…

  15. Facebook has cut into our ability to keep shit secret. Not destroyed it, but the chances of someone letting slip with something they were supposed to keep mum about has gone up since the Facebook cometh.

    Also, this reminds me why I’m happy to be an only child.

  16. slamdunk – nice to know i’m in good company! with you, that is… not the in-laws!

    stepanie – i can’t change her. i will accept that she’s broken. oh, and make fun of her behind her back, because that’s the mature thing to do!

    renalfailure – i don’t worry much about facebook leaks. if i’ve got to keep something secret? i pretty much don’t tell anyone. the surprise party? didn’t say a word to anyone other than my kids… so they’d remember to feed the animals.

    carla – maybe they have a club? no, they’d each have to have their own!

  17. alex – she’s not particularly ‘lipstick’, so check your fantasies at the door! other than my kids? my true family has no genetic commonality. and that’s perfectly fine with me!

  18. I think your sister and my mom might share a few chromosomes. The other day, my mom told me that my breakups always ruin HER travel plans to see me. She wanted to come to Boston this summer … but not if I’m going to be “too sad to have fun.” Thanks for your support, Mom!

  19. alonewithcats – what gets me about this degree of narcissism? too wrapped up in their own shit to recognize it… your mom and my sis could have a big ol’ “Me-Festival” sometime. Not that anyone else would really want to attend….

    rassles – she has no clue. i have to fight the urge to call it out. it doesn’t do any good, and only feeds her sense of ‘vicitimization’…

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