Travels with the offspring

In addition to an offer of urine-based first aid from my son, there have been a few other ‘moments’ as i’ve been knocking around coastal Georgia with my two children. 

– Stuck in the Charlotte airport last Wednesday due to a narrowly missed connection, we parked at an airport bar to kill the expected 3-5 hour wait.  Ordering beer with lunch, the waitress asked to see their ID, to verify that they were indeed old enough to drink.  As i rooted around in my purse for mine, i realized i’d misplaced my drivers license after leaving airport security.  The server, patiently waited, until my son said “Mom, she’s just being polite.  Let her go get the damn drinks.”

– On the island, we spent our last night hanging out in a ‘locals’ bar.  Within a couple minutes of getting settled in, the owner came over and introduced himself.  We farted around, stayed for some marginally bad karaoke, and packed up to leave around 10pm.  We waited by the door as The Boy made a pitstop.  A somewhat crunchy older gentleman sitting at the bar motioned me over.  i assumed he wanted to comment on my singing – he was a perfect representative of my typical fanbase – an elderly drunk man.  i stepped over to him.  He pointed at my daughter and said “Don’t take her outta here!  She’s so pretty!”   Rather than just disappear, i asked him to make me an offer… Fortunately, he was a bit too far gone.  i’d have stuck around if he’d bought us another pitcher… 

– Shark week!  If you’re going to be spending time lounging around hotel rooms, when it’s “Shark Week” on the Discovery Channel, no one argues about what to watch on the tv-tube.

– One of the coolest things about Savannah, Georgia?  “Go cups”.  Yep, you are allowed to carry out a glass of beer, provided it’s in a plastic container.  Which makes wandering along ‘river walk’ a bit more pleasant, and the people watching far more entertaining.  Unlike New Orleans, however, there are no “walk up” windows.  A business opportunity lurks…

– The last time we did something like this?  2004.  Hard to believe it’s been six years since the three of us took a family vacation.  We still travel pretty well together, despite a few skirmishes related to ventilation in hotel bathrooms.  Didn’t really ‘do’ much.  Mostly about hanging out, sleeping and reading.  Five days was about right, as we all found ourselves saying “Yep.  Time to go home.” over dinner last night…

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19 thoughts on “Travels with the offspring

  1. I had a 97 year-old gentleman admirer a few years ago. He had outlived three wives and told my daughter I was an “attractive” woman. Somehow I had to think that attractive to him meant “undead.”

    We have drive-thru liquor stores here in central Texas. Y’all come down!

  2. If there were ventilation-related skirmishes, it sounds like you ‘did’ plenty. I never get tired of telling out-of-towners about our drive-through daiquiri shops.

  3. tNb – well, there was an incident with a not-quite-dead-yet body that my son has given me permission to report. it was, without a doubt, the most unexpected and hysterical adventure. so far. we’re not quite home yet.

    texastrailerparktrash – i seem to be most attractive to men who have cataracts. such is life. i know the ‘beer drive through’ but we’ve got to keep them closed til we’re out of the car… fascinating stuff, though.

    kyknoord – we don’t ‘dump and tell’. sorry.

    chris – one of us, and he shall remain unidentified, is a true defecation artiste. yes. with an ‘e’. a master in his medium….

    unbearablebanishment – ‘un-doing’. yep. that is EXACTLY what this particular roadtrip was for. we’re all three better now. individually and collectively.

  4. Go cups rock! I’m telling you, when I get back there I’m going to have a hard time getting used to the fact that you can’t just walk around with a stein of beer everywhere, like at Target at 9 in the morning on a Sunday. I swear, there are people drinking beer everywhere. EVERYWHERE. Funny stuff from the country with the strictest drunk driving laws on the planet. Glad your trip was non-productive – where to next???

    • I would have a lot better wardrobe if’n I was allowed to carry an appropriate beverage with me. I might – just MIGHT – even venture forth to a mall.

  5. You sing karaoke? What’s your tune, anyway? I’ll bet you have lots.

    I like the idea of go-cups. In this town there aren’t even any bars to speak of, and if you had a go-cup one of the several hundred preachers would probably smack you upside the head.

    I think you method of dealing with spring break is brilliant. More parents should be so wise.

  6. That reminds me I haven’t done karaoke in a while… my Baby Got Back rendition both excites and frightens the audience. Can I use that as currency to purchase your daughter? I need free labor because my quest for employment is cutting into my blogging. Yes, that’s it.

  7. Damned mixed media. I went to press “like” and noticed I was on the wrong venue. Glad you all had some nice relaxing family time. Many in western society – and I use the term “society” loosely – have forgotten about these gentler pleasures in life.

  8. savannah – here’s to a glorious, and groom-mama-drama-free weekend! loved your little town – but it was hot, HOT, HAWT down there! need air conditioned underwear in the summers, methinks!

    mstngsal – you’re not coming back. admit it. if it weren’t just the castles, horsies, and culture? them damn ‘go cups’ would be enough to keep you there. you ex-pat, you….

    HMH – it sort of takes the power away, doesn’t it? relaxing the laws, then holding people accountable for behavior? might work. yes, i do karaoke – not a habit, but i’ll do it when i’m bored, or out with friends (feel naked without my guitar). this was Patsy Cline (“Crazy”), Springsteen (“born to run”) and The Ronettes (“be my little baby”). DJ commented on my ‘breadth’, and i don’t think she was talking just about the size of my ass…

    manuel – getting out of town is sometimes necessary if your goal is to do nothing. hard to be a slug when all those obligations are staring you in the face…

    renalfailure – i have a friend who does an Indian version of “Baby Got Back” that brings down the house. suspect yours is just as hot… you don’t need to sing for my daughter. just get nursemyra to release you from slavery first…

    rob – i had to wonder why we just couldn’t have done it at home, but that just never happens. sometimes the forced activity of ‘getting outta town’ is what makes it work. 4 days was perfect. 5 days, however, is what we booked… we all got a little testy today, but in the end, it was all good…

    • Nah – you just need Daisy to ‘splain the uses of a largish purse, or, in a pinch, the appropriate personal hardware.

  9. ruby – you can have ’em. believe me, there are PLENTY to go around. at least in my part of the world…

    dolce – ‘go cup’ for work? it’s called Bailey’s Irish Cream and it tastes quite nice in your coffee!

    imeantno – i didn’t bring the purse/bar with me to greece. probably should have!

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