To say that my neighborhood is rather quiet at night is an understatement. If i go out after 10pm to walk the dog, and i see lights on anywhere? i assume there is a burglary in progress. Crickets. That’s all that’s going on, even on the weekends.
Returning home around midnight after suffering ‘Bad Local Theater”*, i was tired and just starting to lose my “happy li’l wine buzz”. On his way out, my friend helped me extract myself from the zip-backed sundress i’d worn – right about the time i realized i still needed to let the dog out for “Last Pee”.
When The Girl is home, she has on more than one occasion returned home after getting off work at midnight, to find me standing in the driveway, with a leashed dog, wearing nothing but a long t-shirt. She has complained that i could easily get caught – but i scoff at her prudish ways.
Since she’s out of town for the weekend, i decided to literally shake it in her face, and proceeded to hook the dog up on his leash, and head out through the garage door wearing nothing but my knickers. My friend was laughing at my brazen hussery, as he headed for his car.
Halfway down the driveway, between the two cars, i spotted headlights approaching around the corner. Too close for me to make a run back into the open garage. Besides, the dog still needed to pee, and would not be denied. All hundred pounds of his full-bladdered dogness was pulling me down the driveway, and out into the open.
Having no recourse, i ducked between the cars as the approaching vehicle turned the corner. My friend was at this point laughing hysterically, when i tossed him the end of the leash and hissed at him to wrangle the mutt for me. The car passed by, just as the dog managed to get the leash tangled on the bumper of the car… forcing my friend to have to crawl under as well to disentangle the leash.
As luck would have it, i heard the garage door of my immediate neighbor opening. Huh? i never see these people during the day. What the hell are they doing out after midnight on a Friday?
Since i wasn’t in the best vantage point, i heard a car door open, and my friend say “Hi”, after untangling the dog, and getting himself out from under the bumper of the car. Young womans voice saying “Hi”. Waiting until i heard the garage door going down again – rather than trust his call of “all clear” – i stood up again, generally no worse for wear.
Apparently, my neighbors have a daughter. A daughter who now thinks the people next door are insane.
* i may have to write this up. Fortunately, i pre-gamed with enough wine that i giggled my way through two hours of a ‘first-ever’ performed play. Unfortunately, i was probably too buzzed to remember much of what happened…