Letter to Creepy Gym Dude

Dear Mr. Sweaty Pants,

i was not checking you out.  i was waiting to see when you would take your sorry carcass, bad comb-over and inappropriate footwear to a different piece of equipment so i could use the fucking chest press.

If, however, i had been checking you out, your “Hey, Baby” come-hither smirk would have quenched any budding turgidity in my loins. 

On Wednesday, i will be back abusing my upper body.  This time, if you camp out on the machine for an extended period of time?  i will…  i will…. i will say something mean.  And quite possibly trip you with my nasty towel.  Or cry.



image found here


Breaking News:  Have we found the culprit?  He may have just ratted himself out… If not?  Just a garden variety smartass…

24 thoughts on “Letter to Creepy Gym Dude

  1. Yeah, I’m not a fan of loins turgidity in the gym. Unless it’s a home gym and my personal trainer has some budding loins turgidity of his own. Yeah, mutual turgidity in private. I’m for that. 😉

  2. rob – he didn’t say ‘hey baby’, just had that look. the one popular in discos in the late 1970’s… i have to perfect the look that says “buzz off, pencil dick”…

    slamdunk – he just gave me a raised eyebrow/headnod. i may have to throw a manhole cover at his head. it’ll all be hormone dependent…

    fragrant liar – home gym would be better, but i’d be laughing my ass off too hard to get much done! would need a ‘porn music’ sound track – “bau-chicka-BAU-bau!”. i have a propensity for silly humor at the worst possible times…

    kyknoord – or i could hit him with a manhole cover. guess where the hormones were when i woke up this morning? hormones? hello? where’d ya go, kiddies?

    tNb – i never made it back to find out…. i appreciate that it’s hot (no A/C in my gym), and that we are, in fact, there to sweat. but the towel is a key piece of gym gear….

    jon – if he’d been moving something on the machine, i would have cut him endless slack. as it was? he was just parked there. for more than a reasonable rest period…. grrr….

    nursemyra – that was only stage I turgidity. that was NOTHING compared to when i get really fired up… and were you talking about the “issue” at the apartment or the sexy-cute barkeep on the ferry?

  3. Gotta love those creepy guys who join a gym for know other reason than “attempting” to meet women, don’t even insult him you’ll just be encouraging him.

  4. Having first stopped by Gnu’s blog, I now have tears rolling down my face from laughing at you two so hard.
    Too funny.

    roll up that towel and whack him good next time…beware his new shirt may bring wrath upon you.

  5. bring mace…

    I know nothing of gyms and the required etiquette but mace WILL shut him the fuck up and move him along…it may also get you marked out as a mentalist….swings and roundabouts…

  6. DP – what? your mind is just now boggled? right…

    unbearable banishment – of course. for now…

    HMH – the frost i can manage. the invisible is the hard part – i tend toward the ‘death stare’ approach!

    FJ – that must be one damn fine sexy garage couch!

    kono – i am optimistic that he was a transient gym rat… and that he’ll be gone today.

    blaiser – great! that’s a perfect ear-worm to take with me to the gym today!

    RF – it could be. guy’s kinda hot, but ‘slack power’ isn’t working for me…

    hisqueen – he’s quite the silly boy, isn’t he?

    manuel – mace. it’s the perfect solution! will clear most of the gym out so i can efficiently continue along my way and be done in a jiffy!

    gnukid – what are you doing here? didn’t i tell you to ‘buzz off’?

  7. You know, sometimes this happens to me from the opposite direction. I’m occasionally concerned that when I happen to get on a cardio machine next to some hot girl that she’s going to think I picked that machine because she’s on it and I want to be next to her, when I didn’t have a choice because it’s the only machine available. I think a lot of people are sensitive to this at the gym. (Particularly women) so I try not to end up working out next to them as they may get the wrong idea. But sometimes it’s either pick another piece of equipment (and I like those machines) or get on the one next to them. Fortunately, I think I belay their fears by wearing my headphones. I’m just there to burn off some blood sugar. Don’t mind me. I’m not going to strike up a conversation about your incredible ass.

  8. writerdood – that’s a good point. most of the guys (and women) are there to sweat. if he hadn’t given me ‘the look’, i’d have probably given him a pass…

    jeanpant – you, ms. jeanpant, are BRILLIANT! oh, if i could only blast gas on command!

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