Tuesday afternoon with the Nerd Herd

We all work in different buildings, but my local collection of geeks often launch random e-mail discussions when bored, frustrated, or just feeling a bit punchy.  i’ve culled a few highlights here, here and here.

Today’s edition amused me.  But then again, i’ve reached a point of stress that i call ‘the giggle point’ – regardless of the gravity of a situation, i now find myself prone to fits of uncontrollable giggles.  Sometimes, it’s just that ridiculous…  This brightened my afternoon.


RN, brilliant physicist (who happens to be tall and gorgeous, with a dark twisted sense of humor) received an e-mail from the library police, informing him that if he didn’t immediately return, or replace, two overdue books, they’d have to take serious action.  The dreaded “elevate this matter to a higher level”.

RN: I’ve been turned over to the feared collections department of the technical library. I’ve gotta hit the road before they find me. You had better not tell anyone you know me, I hear these people go after friends and family too. My life is over, I’ll probably end up in the state pen with barbed wire tattoos, done with a safety pin and the ink from a stolen pen.
WDM:  I snitched on you to save my own hide from the librarians.  Sorry. However, the books I turned you in for are not the ones listed below.  You can only renew the Kama Sutra so many times.
RN:  Why you low dirty SOB, and to think I actually returned your dog-eared sticky copy of “penthouse letters”…I ain’t taking no kneecaping for you.
Ninjaneer:  I don’t know you two.  I don’t associate with known felons.  You hear that Mr Library Enforcer?!  I don’t know who these low life’s are….
WDM:  Look, it’s not that bad.  When they get you over to the “interrogation” room at the library ask to be left alone with “Marta.”  Tell her you have been a “very bad boy.”  Work the system my friend.  Then take me out to lunch and tell me all about it. 
Ninjaneer:  Seriously, quit e-mailing me.  Just admitting I know you violates my parole.  You should stop this….before we all end up in the Big House.
WDM:  There are perks to the Big House:

1. a meal plan
2. cable television and a library
3. someone to wash your back in the shower
4. diversity of culture
5. regular sex
6. take your pick of religions: Christian, Judaism, Islam, Satanism, Buddhism, Wicca …
7. opportunity to lead or follow
8. an avenue to demonstrate one’s entrepreneurial skills
9. free exercise equipment
10. transparent metrics to distinguish leadership – unlike here (no one is ever confused as to who is in charge)

daisyfae:  Only advice I got?  Beat the crap out of someone bigger than you on the first day.  From then on?  You get to be “big spoon” rather than “little spoon” at lights out…
Ninjaneer:  I suppose that beats getting forked on a regular basis.
RN:  I like you guys but now I’m a man with nothing to lose, so when ‘they’ come I would clear the area and identify your “safe place”.  My lights are out and I’m not answering….


22 thoughts on “Tuesday afternoon with the Nerd Herd

  1. damn, y’all’s geek/nerd tribe are far more interesting than the tourism people i had to work with back in the day when ihad a real job here in town. when i was in govmint werk emails were monitored by the IT (idiot trolls), so there was no goofing around. xoxoxox

    (btw, the little town were i reside (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) has long been a safe haven for those looking to disappear, if y’all get my irish drift)

  2. This post deserves to be ‘Farked’ . . .
    I agree with Nurse Myra, start an ’email’ blog.
    Damn that could be good.
    Probably get your ass fired but hey it worked for Dooce.com . . .

  3. (as read by Morgan Freeman) I wish I could tell you that RN fought the good fight, and the Librarians let him be. I wish I could tell you that – but library prison is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew. Things went on like that for awhile – prison life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, RN would show up with fresh bruises. The Librarians kept at him – sometimes he was able to fight ’em off, sometimes not. And that’s how it went for RN – that was his routine. I do believe those first two years were the worst for him, and I also believe that if things had gone on that way, this place would have got the best of him.

  4. I had a hilarious retort all worked out. Then I read Renal’s comment. And now I’m cackling. And cackling has erased commentary.

    So I’ll just cackle here in the corner.

  5. savannah – funny thing? ours are monitored… but we know the guys in IT, and they have implied that they appreciate the entertainment! and i’ll pass along that little nugget about ‘safe town’…

    nicole – if you get your hands on RN? you’ll have to take me out to lunch and tell me all about it! he’s a honey…

    nursemyra – i think they’re perhaps a bit too socially awkward for blogging. yeah. that’s socially awkward… see you soon!

    ~m – not sure we’re ‘fark-worthy’, but it was a good afternoon distraction. funny thing? RN and i both took a break from the e-mail exchange, as we had to attend a meeting. highly productive meeting, RN knocked the technical ball outta the park, then we returned to farting around again! big ol’ fun!

    rob – what is it about librarians? every man loves a strong book-based dominatrix…

    renalfailure – that’s the final straw. off to get my tubes reconnected so i can contribute one of my last remaining eggs to have your baby…

    dolce – i read it at 4:30 am, after getting up from a restless sleep, and i’m still cackling! thanks for the b-day vibe, see you very soon!

    syncopated eyeball – trying to get this one in ‘under radar’. need a quiet one at home this year… but the gals are gonna have a good time in Greece!

  6. I didn’t know geeky/nerdy types (I just lifted that from the first comment here- don’t hold judgement against me!) could be so entertaining and witty! You are lucky, before I had The Boy I worked with humorless martyr types – believe me, saving the world is NOT a laughing matter

  7. I just wanted to let you know that WDM has been inducted as a new demigod in the pantheon of Cayennetology (not quite as high up in the hierarchy as you, but pretty high nonetheless).

  8. Can i say that i laughed my ass off at the list of amenities one can find in the Big House, after reading that i might try and take my next vacation there, who knew you science types could be such fun… on another note what’s this meeting at the Isle of Lesbos with a certain Nurse and D? will there be a webcam? you might be able to finance the whole trip with a little entreprenuerial spirit.

  9. Happy Birthday!!
    I’ve always adored geeks/nerds. their humor is so unexpect that it’s even funnier when it happens.

  10. I think RN should turn over a new leaf ……. he deserves everything he gets ……. hope his cell mate’s name is Bubbles …..

    Birthday!!!!?! …… you don’t look old enough to have birthdays …… *hugz*

  11. TAG – thanks. it turned out to be a pretty amazing day…

    ruby – i used to volunteer at a social service organization, and i found the humor lacking. these guys are a stitch!

    kyknoord – i shall let young WDM know that he has been given a high honor from the chief priest of an international cult… he will probably end up on your doorstep, offering to sacrifice a virgin.

    kono – i’ve often thought of jailtime as a guarantee of 3 meals a day, plenty of sleep and a forced hour of workout every day. suspect i’d miss beer, but you can’t have everything. and yes, nursemyra, dolce and i are off for an adventure in the islands. photos probable. outtakes? that’ll cost ya!

    hisqueen – the quirky humor has saved me on more than one occasion. i might have changed professions years ago, had it not been for the silly dork boyz i work with in my organization…

    DP – he’s pretty. suspect he’ll do ok in the slammer… and thanks. it turned into a pretty festive day. my outlook is a thousand times better tonight.

    stephanie – thanks! our library staff may not be the stuff of Vivid video, but a few of them are pretty damn funny. i wondered if his ‘threat’ notice was a joke…

    blazngscarlet – RF needs his own podcast. i’d pay for it. he’s a wicked funny lad…

    gnu – not likely. i’m queen in exile these days. as for the smart ass comment? are you now, or have you ever been, a geek?

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