We all work in different buildings, but my local collection of geeks often launch random e-mail discussions when bored, frustrated, or just feeling a bit punchy. i’ve culled a few highlights here, here and here.
Today’s edition amused me. But then again, i’ve reached a point of stress that i call ‘the giggle point’ – regardless of the gravity of a situation, i now find myself prone to fits of uncontrollable giggles. Sometimes, it’s just that ridiculous… This brightened my afternoon.
RN, brilliant physicist (who happens to be tall and gorgeous, with a dark twisted sense of humor) received an e-mail from the library police, informing him that if he didn’t immediately return, or replace, two overdue books, they’d have to take serious action. The dreaded “elevate this matter to a higher level”.
RN: I’ve been turned over to the feared collections department of the technical library. I’ve gotta hit the road before they find me. You had better not tell anyone you know me, I hear these people go after friends and family too. My life is over, I’ll probably end up in the state pen with barbed wire tattoos, done with a safety pin and the ink from a stolen pen.
WDM: I snitched on you to save my own hide from the librarians. Sorry. However, the books I turned you in for are not the ones listed below. You can only renew the Kama Sutra so many times.
RN: Why you low dirty SOB, and to think I actually returned your dog-eared sticky copy of “penthouse letters”…I ain’t taking no kneecaping for you.
Ninjaneer: I don’t know you two. I don’t associate with known felons. You hear that Mr Library Enforcer?! I don’t know who these low life’s are….
WDM: Look, it’s not that bad. When they get you over to the “interrogation” room at the library ask to be left alone with “Marta.” Tell her you have been a “very bad boy.” Work the system my friend. Then take me out to lunch and tell me all about it.
Ninjaneer: Seriously, quit e-mailing me. Just admitting I know you violates my parole. You should stop this….before we all end up in the Big House.
WDM: There are perks to the Big House:
1. a meal plan
2. cable television and a library
3. someone to wash your back in the shower
4. diversity of culture
5. regular sex
6. take your pick of religions: Christian, Judaism, Islam, Satanism, Buddhism, Wicca …
7. opportunity to lead or follow
8. an avenue to demonstrate one’s entrepreneurial skills
9. free exercise equipment
10. transparent metrics to distinguish leadership – unlike here (no one is ever confused as to who is in charge)
daisyfae: Only advice I got? Beat the crap out of someone bigger than you on the first day. From then on? You get to be “big spoon” rather than “little spoon” at lights out…
Ninjaneer: I suppose that beats getting forked on a regular basis.
RN: I like you guys but now I’m a man with nothing to lose, so when ‘they’ come I would clear the area and identify your “safe place”. My lights are out and I’m not answering….