The Tale of Taylor – Imaginary Stagehand

Perhaps the only thing i miss about my involvement with the local community theater is the people.  Being more specific, probably just a couple of them… One of them is my friend, DK.  When our troupe initiated the “Edge” series of shows a few years ago, she decided that for each of these more adult-themed productions we should create an imaginary stagehand for the program.

Thus was born Taylor Montgomery.  Our mission?  Maintain complete gender confusion for each bio in every program.  Here’s the life of Taylor to date…

Bat Boy

Taylor Montgomery (Stage Crew)

This is Taylor’s first experience with our theater, but this talented member of the “Dark Side” crew is hardly a rookie when it comes to adventurous theater!  After graduating from high school, Taylor went to the Mime Academy in Las Vegas and joined the cast of “Cirque du Soleil” before being sidelined by a nearly crippling sinus cavity injury. While driving across country following rehab, Taylor’s 78 Pinto abruptly gave up the ghost on the outskirts of town.  With only 3 miles worth of free towing, Taylor decided to take up residence here, accepting a job as a body double for local television productions.  Through a lucky twist of fate, Taylor stumbled upon Bat Boy, and is delighted to have had an opportunity to support this production. Taylor wishes to thank Jordan for the undying love and support, making it all possible. 

The Full Monty

Taylor Montgomery (Stage Crew)

Taylor returns backstage to Edge Productions, after literally saving the day during Bat Boy, The Musical, with a daring diving catch of not one, but TWO dangling cast members during the opening “rappelling” scene.  Taylor brings a diverse set of skills to the crew having won accolades for creating and performing in the unique Dog/Mime Act, known as “Bobo And…”.   If it hadn’t been for an unlucky uvula injury, Taylor could have continued as San Francisco’s premiere Fisherman’s Wharf street performer.  But one sword swallower’s bad luck certainly brought good fortune to us, where we are thrilled to have Taylor on the “Dark Side”.  Taylor sends special thanks to Chris – “who is my soul mate, personal muse and quite the culinary contortionist”.

The Rocky Horror Show

Taylor Montgomery (Stage Crew)

Taylor is no novice at saving the day backstage. After a daring diving catch during the opening scene of Bat Boy, Taylor is wondering what catastrophe will be averted in a show filled with transsexuals in stilettos and lingerie. We are pleased that Taylor was able to return after spending the summer serving as an adventure guide on the Colorado River and having a brief audition for America’s Got Talent (who knew playing doctor wasn’t considered a talent?). Safely home again, Taylor thanks Casey – “my love, my passion, my inspiration” – for always being there.

Assassins

Taylor Montgomery (Stage Crew)

Taylor is proud to be working on this fourth Edge Production.  Attracted to the excitement of shows at the Edge, Taylor nonetheless plans to keep the backstage area safe from any firearms-related mishaps. This time. Taylor also patiently awaits the award of a US Patent for perfecting bacon-flavored dental floss.  At the close of this season, Taylor has a brief vacation planned to Ballard, Washington with aspirations of setting a world record for slacking before returning to assist with Trailer Park this fall.  “My love to Casey  – my heart, soul and future home health care provider.”

Great American Trailer Park Musical

Taylor Montgomery (Stage Crew)

After an exhausting 18 hour drive from Florida, Taylor squealed the tires of that award-winning 1976 TransCamero into the theater parking lot, popped open a cold one and announced “Edge Productions, here I come”. After a summer strumming a honky tonk guitar and performing “The Interpretive Dance of the Dying Butterfly” on the beaches of Florida, Taylor is back stage taking care of the Edge cast and crew. Talented Taylor declines onstage opportunities after that unfortunate crane accident during Bat Boy (we promised to not mention it). Trained in culinary mechanics, Taylor was also a finalist in the “Extreme Sushi Automotive” event in Cedar Rapids, Iowa (entering the Sashimi Screamer). Taylor sends love to Dakota – “With you, I see dead people”.

Tommy

Taylor Montgomery (Stage Crew)

It isn’t an Edge Production unless Taylor is backstage, saving the cast and crew from self-destruction and too many num-nums in the green room.  For the past six months, Taylor has led a double life, working undercover as a bug detective at the Natural History Museum.  After solving “The Case of the Gray Damsel Bug in Distress”, Taylor was selected for Montessori Pilot Training, which starts in October.  Taylor sends deaf, dumb and blind love to Payton – “You are the keeper of my heart, owner of my soul, and beneficiary of my life insurance policy”.

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19 thoughts on “The Tale of Taylor – Imaginary Stagehand

  1. i graduated with Taylor. captain of the varsity mahjong team. always thought Taylor wasn’t so sure on which sex was a favorite, having gone to prom with Pat and homecoming with Jordan. big fun at parties though, what with those mad tap dance skillz.

  2. gnukid – taylor was prom king my junior year, and prom queen my senior year… no one ever really knew. it was magic…

    savannah – we amuse ourselves. no one has complained, but some of the regular theater folks have asked the occasional pointed question!

    kyknoord – casey stuck around for at least two shows. taylor is a hot property… the heart is on the sleeve of the t-shirt, or blouse, or… right…

    renalfailure – taylor is sort of like a kinder, gentler, gayer and completely androgynous version of Tag Larkin. hadn’t occurred to me before…

  3. Okay, the geerhead in me has to speak up: TransCamero? WTF is that? Try TransAm or Camaro Z28 for authenticity’s sake. Please.

    Other than that? A delightful ruse!

    Edited to add: Okay, I’ve been had. I had to google “transcamero” and found a link to great mobile homes of mississippi featuring the transcamero 4×4 sex machine. I get the funny now. As you were.

  4. I love the Rocky Horror Picture Show …… saw the first production ever before it was a cult ….. and seen several other shows since …… [note to self – dig out the DVD and watch again]

  5. archie – ahhh…. how would taylor walk on the wild side? which side would that be? how would we be able to tell?

    rob – ‘TransCamero’ is one of our running jokes about ‘bubbys’… sorry to ping the purist in you, but we aren’t really trying to make any of this believable. odd how very few theater patrons have directly commented on “This Taylor Montgomery fella… or gal… or…”

    syncopated eyeball – i visualize taylor as the singer kd lang. i happen to think she’s an incredibly striking woman, but has been known (on occasion) to be mistaken for a dude…

    nursemyra – certainly takes the Montessori principle of ‘planes of development’ to an entirely new place…

    DP – it was a staple of my late youth, and i still adore the show. can quote the entire thing, and could easily ‘shadow’ several scenes. always a good time – and how can you go wrong with an audience participation film?

  6. dolce – not me. they broke me. they really broke me!

    carlae – love it! we may have to up the ante, and start posting fuzzy photos of Taylor on the “Star Board” for each show – a shot of the back of a head, a blurry black t-shirt moving across the stage…

  7. An actual stagehand finds this hilarious!

    Kinda like George (or Georgina) Spelvin, the made-up name for an actor to put in the Playbill if they don’t want their actual name associated with the production.

    Thank God for Taylor, without whom the curtain would not so much rise, as it would level off at head-height, chopping the visuals in half and sending the audience screaming to the box office for refunds. Oh yeah. She’s *that* guy!

  8. blaiser – glad you enjoyed it! we sure have fun with it… it started out like that imaginary captain on M*A*S*H, created to drive Hotlips wild. but the gender neutrality keeps us on our toes! maybe you can use it some day!

  9. Oh this is the best thing ever. Love the dog/mime act and the uvula accident. Sword swallowing, hmmm, does that have more than one meaning in the life of Taylor? Great and clever stuff.

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