Road Rash

It’s Tuesday night, and therefore, i’m somewhere other than my own bed, listening to the snores of the best dog on the planet…

– As the mini-human on the airplane fussed, whined and delivered random brain-piercing squeals as a result of signals from the Evil Baby Planet, it occurred to me that baby-cries are biologically orchestrated to keep us from sleeping.  Fuck evolution.  Fuck Darwin.  Fuck babies.

– There is nothing better for a broken human than a long, brisk walk in the sand, with the waves crashing at your feet.  It’s probably better, however, to hike up the ol’ yoga pants first.  The charm of crashing surf is lost when one is dragging about ten pounds of sand-laden polyester through frothy salt water.  Fuck polyester.  Fuck sand.

– Phycisists have no practical comprehension of “Time/Space”.  As in “giving a presentation within the prescribed time limits” and “staying out of my personal space”.  Fuck Physicists.  And the Bozons they rode in on…

– Making friends with the 22 year old barkeep is a good idea, as you sneak away from the geekfest to have dinner at the beachside bar.  He has a degree from a local university in Business/Marketing.  He’s going to work here for the summer, then think about starting to consider which jobs he might want to apply for… Fuck the economy.  Fuck the limitless possibilities of a 22 year-old tending bar at a beachside resort.  Fuck the 7 years, 15 days* standing between me and retirement, and my next career, which will be tending bar at a beachside resort. 

– Just as i finished explaining to the adorable barkeep that his hotel would be infested with an international nerdfest this week, a gentleman strolled up from the beach.  Wearing a shirt that said “I [heart] Nanophotonics”.  Point – daisyfae.  He poured me a complimentary double… (sigh)

* Ok.  7 years, 14 days.  i probably won’t do much on my last day…

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32 thoughts on “Road Rash

  1. is it just me or is there a “fuckitall” theme going on here.
    take the double shot in one hand and the 22 year old in the other and go have fun for a few hours.

  2. Funny. Last point with the guy in the Nanofuckingwhatever shirt could not have been better timed if it were part of a slick Hollywood flick – love the bartender for the free double shot!

  3. Wow, I don’t even remember what I was doing at age 22. but is seems ironic that someone that could only legally drink for a year is now pouring liberally with wisdom and discern of nerd inhabitants…you go girl!

  4. Hmmm ….. double shot of 20 year old scotch or a shot of a 22 year old.
    Tough choice.
    Aw hell, lifes short, have a double ….. of both. 😀

    In all seriousness, I hope you’re doing better. 🙂

  5. hisqueen – ding, ding, ding! we have a winner in the “Identify the theme” contest! No 22 year old boy toyz for me… they annoy more than delight.

    rubytwoshoes – the nerd boy arrived as if on cue! it was funny – and that’s why i got the free drink… dorks are nothing if not predictable!

    archie – i like my 23 year olds with a few decades experience! just get here…

    carlae – tonight? it’ll be his brother behind the bar. last nights barkeep gave me enough intel that i can seriously fuck with his 21 year old brother. this could be fun…

    blazngscarlet – a dose of ‘crotchety ol’ travel broad’ can trump just about anything that’s dogging me. i don’t like to stay busted for long…

    DP – a little rant is all it takes to cheer you? looking forward to my retirement, as now i need ‘ranting and crab cakes’ to get me off of a dark moment…

    savannah – i’ve been gone a lot. with no end in sight… i just smile and bank the frequent flier miles and hotel points and think about where i’m going on holiday in a few weeks for free…

    nursemyra – part of my purpose in life to entertain you… and therefore, i can go back to bed. the day is already a success.

    dolce – no fuckage. seriously, he’s over 20 years younger, and i’m not even remotely attracted to the young ‘uns… however, there were some non-nerd golfer boyz at the bar who spent a little time chatting me up. at least one candidate in the pack. we’ll see…

    FJ – i could use a win. fuck yeah!

    syncopated eyeball – it is, by a long margin, my most favored word. sometimes there is no other word that works. fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck! Wheee!

  6. does your mother know you talk like that… oh, wait… she was the one that taught you, right? here’s to surviving the actual meeting (it’s only a long meeting if you actually attend the whole thing, remember).

  7. I feel your pain, daisyfae. And since my travel has been greatly reduced and more enjoyable for the last couple of years, I will remain largely sympathetic. Though I must point out that when I was traveling every week or so, it was usually to northern Alabama, eastern Washington, and other scenic hotspots.

  8. Doesn’t it feel great to just, let it allllllll out.
    Liquor helps too.

    Takes the wind outta the sails when all you want to do is decompress for 10 minutes and the universe won’t let you.

    I’m certain that if Mr. Pickles had a blog (or twitter) it’d be about how it’s Tuesday and he misses the best human in the world. or “WTF is it with the dry kibble woman?!?”

    P.S.
    FUCK!
    (Yeah! better now!)

  9. Walking on the beach is awesome, I definitely agree. Makes me want to live on an island sometime. I hot tropical island filled with awesome restaurants and bars. Hell yeah!

  10. gnukid – no, momma didn’t swear much. neither did dad… of the four children, dad once commented that his three daughter swore like longshoremen, but his son? rarely dropped a ‘damn’ or a ‘shit’…

    chris – even going somewhere nice is a drag when you’re gone every other week… i make the best of it (obviously), bank the miles/points, and enjoy visiting new places. this trip? almost 2 total hours spent walking alone on the shore, toes in the surf, watching the water go in, and out, and in, and out… couldn’t pay a therapist for this…

    stephanie – funny thing about dogs? he’s just as happy to see me when i come in from getting the mail, as he is when i’ve been gone a couple days! being ‘greeted’ is simply the best… i miss the big lug… (sniff, sniff)

    writerdood – there’s a reason human population collects along shorelines. not just for commerce. since the beginning, we’ve been drawn to the sea. and i will retire near water. with tides. no doubt about that…

    texastrailerparktrash – oh, honey, you are quite sweet! i’ll be 48 in a couple weeks, and will retire at 55 years of age on the dot! if i work a day past that, my accountant will kill me… good pension, crazy to keep working. goal is to be debt free on that day, and i can do pretty much what i wanna… lucky, lucky puppy am i…

    kyknoord – on my way back to the bar for dinner, and i plan to use that line with tonight’s barkeep. let’s hope he has a brain and a sense of humor, or it’s not going to work….

  11. My workplace is about to be invaded by summer interns. There’s no more insufferable an intern than an investment banking summer intern. Full of enthusiasm and questions. All they’ve ever know is academia. I don’t say anything. I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise.

  12. Fuck babies? Yes. Exactly. I couldn’t have said it any better myself. FUCK BABIES! I’d shout it from the rooftop. If I had a rooftop. I have a first-floor porch, but it’s not quite the same.

  13. unbearable banishment – oh, those interns. full of life, hope and themselves. place a sturdy plank on your desk. when the start talking about all the money they’ll make, how they’ll change the banking industry? do us all a favor and give them a good thwack…

    blaiser – eggg-fucking-zachary!

    uncle keith – what do you call a collection of nerds? i think “plague” fits… and yes, you are a very cool nerd.

    alonewithcats – especially airplane-riding babies. maybe you could climb the gutter pipes to get to the roof. i think it is an important message…

    renalfailure – i don’t know what’s worse. being 22 and having hopes and dreams? or being 22 and not having them…. (sigh)

  14. My next job will applying as Ms. Daisyfae’s manservent, you know in case the elevator breaks in the tropical locales you so often frequent, i can also chase away autograph seekers and be like one of Tiger’s boys and let adorable Barkeeps, Waiters, young Engineers that Ms. Daisy might like a private conference (wink wink) with them in her room. I work cheap too, just need a pinstripe suit, aviator shades and a fake earpiece.

  15. kono – i like that idea very much! you would be an amazing “Man Servant”! Also bouncer, ‘supply line’, music advisor and the one responsible for documenting all trips… i like this very, very much…

    texastrailerparktrash – thanks. some days i feel older than others. this has been such a series of days…

  16. Oddly enough, I just returned from a short business trip myself. While the direct flight, I must say, was great in that there was none of that changing planes bullshit, the four hour flight was a bit long, considering the plane was nearly full and we were crammed in like sardines.

    My zen state was disturbed a little by the old man who was waxing philosophical to some young females (coming back from some class work in Ecuador) about the BP oil spill. Why don’t people who only have an opinion and don’t know jack about technical details ever just shut the fuck up?

    Just before take off, the flight attendant relocated a woman and her lap rat nearby. Oh thanks. Fortunately, the kid wasn’t too bad and only whined (understandably) during our descent. Sadly, the standard issue iPod ear buds, coupled with Tool at medium-high volume, couldn’t keep the whines away.

    I’m still exhausted today and I was gone for less than 48 hours.

    Unlike you, however, I put on my “Don’t fucking talk to me” face and withdraw into work, my PC, fake sleep, or an excellent book I’m reading now by Georg Friedman: “The Next 100 Years”, which proclaims the 21st century will be “The American Age”. (Eyes rolling.)

  17. rob – glad you had a reasonably uneventful trip, and apparently survived the TSA body cavity search. i had to listen (overhear) my share of “experts” on capping an oil well a mile underwater – and wanted to whack them with a board. unfortunately, part of my job as ‘science scout’ is to listen at such meetings for something of utility. which means listening to a lot of crap. on planes? Bose noise canceling headphones do the trick (except for babies). have saved me on more than one occasion…

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