Fly away, baby bird!

Technically, he’s not my son.  About ten years ago, however, The Boy Genius worked for me.  Brilliant young man, with a PhD in Electrical Engineering from Prestigious University.  Although he was in his early 30’s, he looked like he had just turned fourteen. 

At the time, my group was beginning the long, slow nosedive into scientific oblivion – but this kid was the “great white* hope” for technological resurrection.  When he confided in me that he saw nothing but frustration ahead within our hallowed labs, i became nervous, but certainly couldn’t argue with the logic of The Boy Genius.  He was annoyingly never wrong.

He was also pure as the driven snow, despite a penchant for twisted and dark humor.  He was a “good” boy.  In fact, part of my retention strategy was to try to find him a local honey to keep him in town**.  He didn’t care for fast cars and loose women, and went to church every Sunday.  Needless to say, none of my theater friends were going to meet his tough standards…

Despite – or perhaps because of – my feeble attempts at retention, he left our team and went to work for my close friend, Titan of Industry, ToI.  When ToI called me for the official “checking his references” call, i ended the conversation with “Oh, and by the way – if you don’t take care of him?  i keel you…”. 

To say i had maternal feelings toward the kid was perhaps an understatement.

So The Boy Genius left home for greener pastures.  It was comforting for me to know that he would be coached by a brilliant corporate master, ToI.  It was also comforting to know that i’d be running into him at technical meetings and conferences – a chance to keep tabs on him.

“Tabs”… Well something like that. Turns out, ToI and i are Co-Chairmen of the Board of “Dawg Boyz, Inc.”, the rowdy band of “drinkin’ and whorin'” reprobates that create mayhem and foment debauchery at nearly every conference we attend.  Invariably, there was an opportunity for the two of us to take The Boy Genius out to an adult entertainment establishment, about a year after his departure from my group… 

ToI and i passed ourselves off as his parents in Cheetah’s (Atlanta, GA).  We managed to convince several of the dancers that the fresh-faced lad was our son, and that Mom and Dad were taking him out to his first strip club to celebrate his 21st birthday.  Oh, yeah.  He got done that night.  He got done and then some.

i let loose a slight sniffle, and a bittersweet shake of my head, when the photo below came across my desktop in the wee hours of Sunday morning.  The Boy Genius is getting married next month.  Saturday night, my friend ToI led the charge of the Bachelor Party.  That’s my baby, surrounded by five topless performers… climbing the fucking stripper pole.

They grow up so fast…

* and when i say “white”, i mean that in the “bleached like a fishbelly in the sun” sense of the word…

** Although i never made it official, i betrothed my daughter to him.  This sort of creeped him out, given that she was about 16 years old at the time… She wasn’t particularly enthused about the idea either.

24 thoughts on “Fly away, baby bird!

  1. you posted this in “Park-esque”? i’m thinking you should be pretty damn proud of the boy, overcoming his lily white virginal origins and expressing dawg boyz-esque qualities.

    and your daughter. does she…oh, nevermind…

  2. Good that he can cut loose. Man, I’m such a tight ass I hate strip clubs. It’s like when I dated. The girls are all over you until your wallet is empty. Then, you might as well be a puff of smoke. Plus, I can never buy into the fantasy that the “want” me. Gimmie a break. I always think the girls are backstage laughing at the clientele.

    See…tight ass. Shakespeare said know thyself.

  3. Didn’t know where this was going at first… It’s almost never good when a photo hits the desk in the wee hours… whew!

  4. gnukid – ToI also let me know that The Boy Genius made it to the top of the pole and rang the brass boobie! so. very. proud. (and leave my daughter out of this!)

    unbearable banishment – that’s just it! when you go in, thinking it’s about “sex”, you’re going to hate it. it’s about ‘silly fun and boobies’ and just goofin’. there ain’t no relationships, no love, no commitment – just horsin’ around with gorgeous women! you need to visit a club with me someday. i’ll help you get your mind right about it… oh, and by the way? they don’t want you (or any of the gents, usually), and they probably do make fun of the assholes who are there thinking the girls are going home with them…

    tysdaddy – i think the fact that he made it to the top is more surprising than him being on stage with five dancers!

    lynn – it’s a good time! treat the performers like human beings, enjoy the silliness of it all, and everybody wins!

    girly – The Boy Genius had it in him from the start. Just needed a little coaching and encouragement… he’s a natural. Apparently.

    renalfailure – let me know when you’re in atlanta. it’s a 1 hour cheap flight… Three words: “Pop Up Dance”. When they call it? Just about 100 completely naked gorgeous women stand on the nearest table and perform. It’s magic!

    gnukid – very true. there’s plenty of ‘sticky’ without the champers…

  5. You should be a proud surrogate mama!! … and the shit that i’ve done in strip clubs would make most mortal men cry, i used to live a half a block between two strip joints, one of which is now a gay bar, i knew the girls, they knew me, it is a novel in the making, i saw the worst part of the business and the best part of it, but i will repeat, the shit i’ve done in strip clubs would make most mortal men weep.

  6. dolce – hell will be a better time. i hope. The Boy Genius? afraid he’d have bored you… not sure, but i’m guessin’ he needed a breaking in… will keep my eyes peeled for something more suitable for a hot and spicy dish like you!

    kyknoord – the only reason i could use the photo is that he had his back to the camera, and the ladies were obscured… i did train him well. but he learned pole climbing on his own. not part of our mentoring efforts!

    chris – makes the planning and decorations so much easier, doesn’t it?

    kono – Ya know what? the shit that i’ve done in strip clubs has made a few mortal men cry. would love to read about your adventures. perhaps another few chapters of “the wilderness years”. i enjoy the culture, generally love the performers, and have rarely experience the dark side of the clubs…

    blaiser – congratulations! i went to “G.S.U.” – generic state university. hasn’t seemed to cause me any trouble along the way. my opinion? unless you plan to be a supreme court justice, the ivy league stuff just costs more…

    DP – oh, no! not me! i am not a cougar… nor could i ever be… it annoys me when they are young and still full of hope and dreams…

    uncle keith – when ToI read this post? he said “you have managed to tell a great story, both sweet and depraved”… and i think he shares that particular fear…

  7. I Am always pleased to see one of my children reaching their Godlike potential. Too many people in this day and overly repressed age waste their lives and talents.

  8. manuel – i’m just bummed i couldn’t drive the 800 miles to get there to go out to play with them!

    iamyourgod – thank you, sir. i happen to agree. we need to pluck the offending panties out of our butt cracks and loosen up a bit…

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