Dances with Dinosaurs

With an entire week of ass-numbing meetings in a generic big city conference room, i’m paying the karmic price for the occasional cushy business trips.  In general, i enjoy my travel mates, and have had a good time drinking hanging out with a few old friends in town.

But there is this one guy who can geolocate my last nerve, and pounce upon it like a kitten on speed.  In fact, it is the gentleman responsible for the attempted smear campaign from a few months back. 

A quasi-functional dinosaur, he has led the campaign to “protect and defend” the interests of the division that has been shut down.  They will be either moving to the home office in 10 months, retiring, or finding alternate jobs. 

About a decade ago, he and i ran with the same pack of conference party dawgs, although it only took a few years for me to figure out that he was a shit weasel – and i put up distance.     What pisses me off most about this oxygen thief?  To my face, he is disgusting in his sweetness.

Yesterday, during a break in the meetings, i was in discussion by the coffee urn with two colleagues – who happened to be female.  When Dinosaur McSoon-Fired approached us, he smiled ever-so-sweetly…

dinosaur:  Well, isn’t that frightening?  I’m always nervous when the women are ganging up on us.

daisyfae:  You know?  Any man frightened by strong women needs to go home and take a good long look in the mirror and wonder why he’s such a big damn chicken.  From my point of view?  Makes a great filter – i got no use for wimps.

He fumbled for a comeback, failed to find one, and shuffled past us to the little dinosaurs room.  Perhaps to look in the mirror.

The other two women?  They were both sporting saucer eyes, and remained speechless.

daisyfae:  Look, i’ve been dealing with this crap from him for over ten years.  He asked for it…

And so that’s where we left it – tomorrow morning is the final cage match.  Showdown at the Not-Really-OK Conference Room. 

Bring it, you shriveled, pathetic sackless waste of carbon…  Asteroid daisyfae is about to drop some galactic whupass in your lap.

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29 thoughts on “Dances with Dinosaurs

  1. my, my. but aren’t we feisty? someone take a dump in your cheerios this morning? [snicker] yeah, me too, wanting to be a fly on the wall to watch that limbic brain of his shriveled to total uselessness. have at him!

  2. archie – you are no chicken-saurus. you’re not afraid of spiders. that’s worth a lot…

    kyknoord – i’m just barely awake, slurping my first cup of coffee in the hotel room. not feeling the ‘boom’ yet. more scratching required…

    savannah – the reality will likely be a ‘calm, cool’ boom. he’ll get a lot of the [blink, blink] “thanks for that insight…. as we were saying….” treatment today. sucks to be irrelevant.

    gnukid – i have volunteered to go to the remote location and be the division chief for the last 3-6 months before they close the doors (current guy is retiring). i’d do it, just to watch him squirm.

    chris – no, but i know those types far too well. they don’t often adjust well to life post-military. Referred to by a friend of mine as MF-O6’s as a classification…

    trailerparktrash – i can deal with someone who doesn’t like me, someone who doesn’t care for my opinion or position – or even if he were just a little scared because he’s not moving, and will be forced to retire when the doors close. it’s the chicken-shit, two-faced, condescending “isn’t she cute when she’s fired up?” crap that makes me want to hit him with a plank…

    rubytwoshoes – it’s a good one. stole it from a young engineer who worked for me a few years ago. men will sometimes use that line as a means to enter a conversation with a few women – and i usually call them on it. more politely – with “Gee, when i walk up to a group of men talking, i’d never tell them i was scared because they were in a group”. usually keeps them from doing it again…

    syncopated eyeball – oh, if it were that easy. no sand in this city. maybe i could smash a donut in front of a fan or something?

    nursemyra – thanks. they were heartfelt…

  3. Don’t forget to comment on his dick size. That’s always fun. Us guys are always defensive about our dick sizes and our virility. But, um… you probably knew that already.

    Oh yeah, and get him by himself next time too, so he doesn’t think you’re “Ganging Up” on him. Although that might not be as fun, so you’ll have to put a camera on video record and get it that way. Then you can post it online and send a link to everyone in the company (assuming you get him good enough).

  4. I am so using the phrase “oxygen thief”..that is just the best. I have always been told that I can intimidate men but you, by far, are my HERO!!

    I used to just irritate/frighten the new foreign residents when they started in July. I was always the one they were warned of..”she will help you as much as you need her but don’t piss her off by acting stupid or too arrogant”….I think people with a “title” after their name tend to get an “assclown” attitude. I used to either ignore them or slap them down when they got to annoying.

  5. unbearable banishment – yes, dear. i know you’re stalking tracking closely! you’re the most special. now what were you saying about being on my good side?

    stephanie – thank you, but i’m not really all that awesome. just tired and unafraid of anything my corporate masters can throw at me…

    writerdood – can’t be alone with him. he wants to hug me. stands too close. saying goodbye today, his attempt at a hug got a fiercely directed handshake instead. dick size? don’t want to even think about it. suspect his wife keeps it at home in the freezer when he’s on travel.

    hisqueen – there are people who like to follow me around to meetings just to see what i’m going to do. kinda like groupies, but they get coffee for me….

    dolce – it went well, but it was anti-climactic. i didn’t have to do anything – his own people ATE HIM ALIVE every time he opened his mouth and said something stupid. i literally sat on my hands and let it happen. had never seen him in the room with his own folks, and the tension was palpable. there are two of his mid-level folks who are moving to our shop, and i thanked them both at the end of the meeting, shook their hands and said “we need you and are very much looking forward to what you bring to the team”. they both damn near cried, i think…

  6. “Oxygen thief” …. HA HA HA HA.
    It will go well with my personal favorite, “waste of flesh”.

    Kudos for you for not taking his condescending crap.
    Now he SHOULD be scared!

  7. blazngscarlet – i’ve heard this kinda crap from the weasel-men for years. it felt good to be in a situation where i could actually deliver the smackdown…

    lynn – oh yes i did!

    renalfailure – that’s what helped keep me under control this morning. remembering that he has chosen NOT to move to the new location, and as a result, will be picking turds out of his Depends on the front porch of a raisin ranch very, very soon….

  8. A shit weasel . . . ya think?!?
    You handled that situation as my mother would have.
    She could cut anyone down and do it with a smile on her face.
    It’s the Irish notion of telling someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.
    ~m

  9. He’s beyond dinosaur; he’s already a fossil. It’s apparent his inability to adjust to the new environment has caused his extinction. The fact that he got taken apart, and you didn’t have to soil hands with it, must have been satisfying.

  10. This may come as a surprise, but sometimes I’m not known for my tact or my ability to hold my tongue. Several years ago, my new boss that had recently been assigned to our department came into the office shortly after I did, which was very early in the morning. As he walked toward his office past my cubicle, he asked ‘who makes the coffee around here?’ Without so much as looking up from whatever I was doing, I replied back, ‘Are your arms broke?’ I shudder to think now about what I said, I should have actually said, “Are your arms broken?’

    Oddly enough, we never got along…huh!

  11. I really really like that you have a no bullshit approach… or more of a approach bullshit at your own risk sort of aura

  12. Ji – thank you! always enjoy that you stop by – afraid that if you learn english from me, you’re going to get some very bad habits!

    ~m – yep. i was pretty much smiling ear to ear when i called him a pussy. and he didn’t know what to do with that…

    uncle keith – you know the types. should have retired a few years ago, but is clinging to the position (deputy division chief, or some such title) just because he likes to think he has influence. after watching his own troops frag him? we can now bond the groups over our mutual distatste for fossil-boy.

    carlae – THAT’S funny! proper grammar is very important when taking the new boss apart at the knees… i’m not so much a ‘no bullshit’ person, but i just don’t give a shit any more. there is very little that happens at the office that can hurt me, i’m pretty good at what i do, and try not to let the goobers get me down…

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