Hardware Follies

Running errands all morning, one of my stops was at the mega-hardware store for some plants and a tube of caulk to repair my bathtub.  Wandering into the paint section, i was approached by a sexy, tattooed salesman*, asking if i needed help…

daisyfae:  Of course, i need help.  i need to replace the caulk around my bathtub.  i did it a year ago, but apparently used the wrong shit because it’s cracked already.

PaintMan [walking me down the caulk aisle]:  Well, here are the waterproof caulks.  There’s some of the expensive stuff that sets in 2 hours if you need that…

daisyfae:  Nah, just the regular shit i guess.

PaintMan:  Had an Asian couple in here a few weeks back looking for caulk.  Guess it was the accent, but she said  “I’m looking for cock”…  It was hard to keep a straight face, but I said “How much do you need, Ma’am”.

daisyfae [laughing, and looking back at wall of caulk]:  That’s a riot!  Ok, so what kind should i get?  i don’t need the quick set stuff…

i started to reach for a tube of the regular looking caulk, but noticed that there were different colors, and i’d grabbed one that wasn’t white.

daisyfae:  Wait, i don’t want the black cock…


*  It was the same guy from almost two years ago who sold me the pink e-fucking-namel primer for my deck.  And he’s still got the tattoos and is still just as charming…

24 thoughts on “Hardware Follies

  1. kyknoord – tis true. had i lined my bathtub with black caulk? there’d have been no going back…

    savannah – this guy really is a charmer, and i’m thinking i may have to go back for more paint or supplies or something tomorrow… i’ll be the one wearing the bag over my head, though…

    gnukid – oh, i was beyond flustered. i am told that i blushed. i can count the number of times that’s happened on my fingers. yikes.

    unbearable banishment – there was more! we kept the conversation thread going awhile longer, and it degraded much further. giggles all around – definitely the most fun i’ve ever had in the paint department. so far.

  2. Silicone sealant is what you’re looking for, m’am. Oh wait, I don’t think that’s what you were looking for at all. Maybe you can go back tomorrow and ask for the caulk magic.

  3. carlae – why yes, as a matter of fact, that particular tune has been stuck in my head lately! 😉

    chris – it will be much harder to screw up the words “silicone sealant”. i’ll have to go back today and ask him again… oh, and have you called your sister yet?

    renalfailure – i got it bad and that ain’t good… up all night, fantasizing about that long, hard tube full of sticky, creamy salvation.

    jimmybastard – i’m quite certain he’s a good time! bet he loosens up after a few pints, too!

    nursemyra – yes, but i want it to last for a very long time. i’m willing to wait for it…

    squirrelqueen – *snort* i might have to take it back to Dr. Hotstuff in the paint department!

  4. silverstar – henceforth, i shall ONLY call it “silicone sealant”. and i’m sure we can come up with some silicone jokes…

    manuel – no, that was the sexy beast in the electrical supplies department!

    rassles – it wasn’t intentional. ‘caulk’ is a hard word to say… say it repeatedly – for like 15 minutes straight – and see if you can get through without one ‘cock’.

    mstngsal – “Excuse me, kind sir… I am desperately seeking a Hole Hawg… My depths must be plundered.” yeah. i think i can do that…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s