Death metal…

It has long been my strategy to keep a fleet of shitmobiles, and drive them until the wheels fall off.  Seems the wheels are starting to come off, and i need to develop a back up plan.

At this particular moment in time, i have three cars, the newest one being ten years old.  And also at this particular moment in time, if i had to drive more than 100 miles, i’d rent a car – or worse – borrow wheels from either of my kids. 

Let’s take a look at my stable, shall we?

First is the The Pimpmobile.  Bought almost entirely by telephone about nine years ago, while i was under duress*, i have hated this car from the moment i first saw it.  It is gold.  It is ferocious in it’s ugliness.  But the top comes down, so i can use it like a yuppie pick up truck if need be… and i have. 

The Girl had it with her at the university, and it was sideswiped in the parking lot.  That was about four years ago.  i let it rust.  Suffer, bitch…

This uglyfuckingexcuseforacar cost me $350 today, as it dropped stone cold dead in the garage over the weekend.  It is repaired.  i’m thinking that’s the last of my hardly-earned cash this ol’ cow is going to see…  135,000 miles, and i hate it just as much as i hated it the day i bought it.

Reliable ride number two?  That would be my son’s former car, a 1995 Toyota Camry.  This was a great car for him up until a few months ago when it started to idle rough.  My Favorite Mechanic took a good look and explained that one of the valves is crapping out, and it would be at least $1,500 to repair.  Fuck that.  He said i could get another 5,000 miles out of it, and so i shall…

Fortunately, my ex-father-in-law, now 92 years old, didn’t need his big ass Buick.  The Boy now drives a lovely Old Man Car, with about 42,000 miles on it.  Leather interior.  Sweet cruiser…  And the price was right.  So the Camry is now my back up car, at least until it shits out it’s last fumes.

In general, this is a great car – and with the massive subwoofer that lives in the trunk?  The sound system on this thing will blow the doors off an SUV.  The only downside?  i probably ought to remove those stickers… Then again, i don’t think anyone driving past is really going to mistake me for a Danzig fan…  The small round one? That says “This Ride Has God Inside”.  That one stays…

My favorite, of course, is my Jeep.  This one’s a keeper, but she’s 27 years old and is occasionally temperamental, as old girls sometimes are… Bike racks are for pussies.  i love this car, but getting caught topless in the rain – when i’m supposed to be all presentable in a suit and shit – just doesn’t always work…

Oh, and there’s one more set of wheels in my garage.  Perhaps the lowest mileage of the bunch… Not much use in the rain.  Good for my heart.  Still, a twenty year old bike.  With the drivers in this part of the country, i would also be risking death if i attempted to commute on a bicycle. 

i need to suck it up buy a car…  Grrr….

* Dad was in the hospital, i was commuting 120 miles a day round trip, and my primary wheels were falling apart.  An import/sports car, it was expensive.  i had to do something…

23 thoughts on “Death metal…

  1. Sometimes I wish I’d remained blissfully ignorant of peak oil. We currently have a Chevy Avalanche in the “fleet” and I loves me that truck. The first one was an ’03 model and I traded that one in on the current ’07. The only problem is the wife likes it as well, so now I drive vehicle “B”. I fantasize about trading it in for another Avy that I could drive, but that’s non-sensical in my pragmatic viewpoint.

    I too hate buying cars.

  2. {gasp!} good lord daisyfae! i went to that danzig fanpage link ~now i wont sleep for a week! we are similar to you with cars. rip drives a 1998 jeep and i have a 2002. funny post!

  3. rob – i’m probably buying a suburu outback wagon (used if i can find one). wondering if i can dump trade in two junkers? the jeep gets the worst mileage – 15 mpg, with a 12 gal tank. not a good road car. never mind that it has leaf springs instead of shock absorbers… kidneys get a nice pounding…

    lynn – freaky stuff… not sure my son listens much to it, but he is quite fond of ‘shock value’. there are some stickers on the inside that are worse. god help me if i get pulled over by the cops…

    kyknoord – my, we’re up awfully early today? put down the blue pill… no, i don’t drink and drive. might spill the drink.

    renalfailure – ok for me, but not so good for the poor bastards in the back seat. even the Model Year 2007 Bionic Twins can’t withstand 50 mile an hour winds…

    • I once watched a doco about hunter s Thompson, he carried a glass of whisky and ice everywhere he went and that was including several road trips…. never saw him spill a drop

  4. Funny shit Daisy. I hate cars, I hate having to need one, but what is one to do. I had a 1984 Toyota pick-up for 19 years before it died…I miss that truck. Now I can’t get Bionic Twins out of my head.

  5. Aren’t you peripherally involved with engineering? I would think that you’d have a car that was all tricked out with the latest feats of mechanical design. I would have expected you to embrace a new car purchase instead of dread it.

    My brother had a ’76 Nova that would not die. It would only hold about a teaspoon’s worth of oil in the engine but it wouldn’t stop running. A fantastic car.

  6. FJ – the bionic twins reside under a t-shirt that says “Yeah, i got cancer, but just LOOK at these fucking tits!” They will be proudly displayed in late june, as the lovely nursemyra and i vacation in greece. stick around…

    fragrant liar – yes, it IS older than both of us! well, i’ll have to be gentle with her… you know how the old gals can’t take the beating they used to (HA!)

    jimmy – go on, dear…. no…. seriously. GO ON!

    syncopated eyeball – that’s why i’m looking at a small station wagon thingie, the outback. yeah, so it’s the number one lesbian car, i still need to haul shit around… like 100 pounds of dog.

    nursemyra – i see you in a black ’57 t-bird… nekkid…

    unbearable banishment – i like to tinker with repairs on the jeep (the other two can suck it), but i’m not a real gear-head. i adore fast cars, am probably going to hit the BMW driving school within a year or two… but can’t see having a fast performance car for daily commute. oh, and i DEFINITELY can’t see dumping half a paycheck into a car payment. i’m cheap.

  7. I hate buying cars, too. But it got better when I started buying new ones. Maybe it’s time to treat yourself to something built this century.

  8. I’m clueless as to what or who Danzig is. I like that jeep the best, but reliable is good. I don’t really like buying cars, but have done so a number of times. Right now we are driving a Prius (2007) which we bought new. So far all we have had to do is change the oil and put gas in it (not that much gas, either), and we are rapidly coming up on 65,000 miles. I recommend this car without any reservations or caveats. Also, it has an amazing amount of room inside it despite the way it looks small from the outside. A couple of years ago Jim and his friend took it to NH for a windsor chair class, and when they returned it had all their luggage, their chair making tools and TWO continuous arm windsor chairs plus the two men in it. Not quite a pickup subsitute, but darned close.

  9. kono – damn. i may seriously drop that boy off for a weekend of interventional coaching and therapy one of these days… i’ll be in pittsburgh for the buffet concert mid-august, and hope to see you then… may have to bring the sprog along for the ride!

    chris – i usually buy 2-5 year old cars. problem with buying a used suburu? they don’t exist. they are bought and never sold. so i will likely buy new, unless some old crunchy granola lesbian dies shortly after buying one….

    stephanie – as it is, i’m terrified of being pulled over by a cop. worse would probabaly by danzig fans!

    manuel – fortunately, the people at work have NO clue how twisted Mr. Danzig was… thank fuck.

    jenuine – cars are a waste of money, and i don’t like spending any money on them. i maintain minimal insurance for the ‘fleet’. makes me cranky to think of having a car payment again. i don’t like borrowing money, either…. metro? sweet ride…

    healingmagichands – i’ve had a chance to ride in a prius and was STUNNED by the amount of room inside. never mind the sweet electronics, camera, gps and toys built in! my ex-husband got one, and has to travel quite a bit for work. very, very reliable and efficient wheels… i debated with myself a bit about the suburu and the prius, and may have to reconsider it one more time…

  10. prius..hands down..just bought a 2010 Rav very first brand new car ever..(thanks to hubby of course) but it is so cute and awesome. Dogs get hooked to the back on their belts and the little ones crate fits right in there also. No hair all over us anymore when we sit down. We are going to upgrade his car also when the Toyota Venza does 0% financing for that one too. I traded in a very beloved 2001 Ford Taurus with 150k on it since it was becoming unreliable engine wise. No rust and I cried after I traded it because I was really attached to it. Odd..I know

  11. You are two or three vehicles shy of having a used lot. C’mon down to daisy fae’s miles of wheels!

    I miss the days of Jeeps yore, when they still looked like the Army used ’em. In all seriousness though, you could possibly part a couple of them out and have a downpayment for a nice new (or newer) vehicle. A friend of mine did that and netted about $1000-2000 after the carcasses were towed to the junkyard. I think it was a downpayment for a Civic or some similar nerdmobile.

    Peace, SA

  12. hisqueen – i know. logical brain says if you add up the cost of insurance (although i don’t pay much by keeping a high deductible) and the cost of headaches by having the fleet of junkers? i should get something nice… but… car payment?!?!? ugh.

    sonny – yep. and the old condo association folks are getting cranky about the five or six of us who have to leave a car parked at the communal clubhouse because we don’t have space in the garage or driveway for our fleet. that may be what drives me to ditch two (sebring and camry) and get one. or just give one to my niece’s husband as his annual demolition derby car… shame you can’t use convertibles for demo derby cars. i’d take some satisfacxtion in seeing that one bashed up…

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