When you just can’t be bothered

You never know when the ol’ entrepreneurial light bulb will appear over your head.   After mentioning to one of my gentleman friends that he has strange taste in women*, we discussed a mutual affliction – our shared tendency to be attracted to older partners. 

He’s generally found younger women to be too needy, confused and prone to playing “head games”.  Never mind the “ticking biological clock” time bombs out there.    

Trying to pin down exactly what it is about younger men that often leaves me cold, i trotted out the “i like my men broken, bitter and thinking their best days are behind them” theme.  He noted that in their 30’s, men can still harbour the delusion that the world owes them something. 

daisyfae:  Exactly!  It’s when they have that sense of “entitlement” that bothers me.  And i just can’t make myself care about their silly dreams of “accomplishment”, purpose and all that crap…  Who cares?   

irish:  Men become much more grateful in their 40’s. 

daisyfae:  Less picky, too.  i like that.  It’s just not worth the trouble sometimes to fuss over clothes and makeup.  

irish:  Perhaps you need some crotchless sweatpants?   

And from there – as impossible as it seems – the conversation tanked further.  We crafted the concept for a new line of clothing.  In addition to crotchless sweatpants?  Bulky, fuzzy boots – left unzipped.  Velour tops that zip up the front – with a built in front-hook bra.   

The style that says “Hey, kid – come and get me!  Just don’t expect me to shave my legs.”  The swashbuckling confidence – she knows she can rock your world, even though her roots need another bash of Lady Clairol.  Bonus:  She’ll be done with you by 10 pm so you still have time to go home and play Warcraft with your imaginary friends on Saturday night….  

“Lazy Cougar”.   Sold exclusively at WalMart.   

Not pajamas – “Flannel Lingerie”.

  * That includes me, by the way…

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36 thoughts on “When you just can’t be bothered

  1. I too am attracted to older men.
    Always have been.
    Younger men still harbor the “it’s all about me”.
    Older men do not.
    They are far more attentive and in the moment.

    At least in my experience they have been.

    Stop following me around Wal-Mart damnit!
    And see? You caught me without my fuzzy pink slippers!

  2. I eagerly anticipate the day I have the guts to wear my pyjamas to the shops. Hopefully, I’ll be over my negligee phase by then because it’s probably still some years away and the sight of an 80 year old in a peignoir could cause traffic accidents

  3. Crotchless granny panties. You know, before the internet I wouldn’t have believed there could be a market for that kind of thing. Now that I’m fully familiar with everything the internet has to offer, however, I’m quite convinced that you are about to make a fortune.

  4. Now I have disturbing images stuck in my noggin including the woman in her Betty Boop PJs. Betty Boop would NEVER have worn anything like that! Look at the length of Betty’s skirt!

  5. My sense of entitlement was replaced with a sense of urgency. I don’t know how much longer things are going to work, so I need to make hay while the sun shines and where ever it shines.

  6. Maybe you should make some flannel lingerie that have a big “REALLY RIPE” plastered across the butt. Across this chest it can say, “Hang With THIS!” or “One of These is Real!”

  7. At least there’s still boots. Would a big superfluous belt work here? And are we calling this fashion line LazyLay by DaisyFae? “It’s just enough to show up.”

  8. “He noted that in their 30’s, men can still harbour the delusion that the world owes them something. ”

    not me…I gave up/changed the goalposts in my late 20’s….life has been far more enjoyable after that

  9. blazngscarlet – oh, not all younger men are quite that self-absorbed. i’ve met a few charming ones lately, but i can’t get past my own body image issues i guess to get much further with it… and i’ll leave you alone at the WalMarts…

    nursemyra – you’d make flannel damn sexy. i’m sure i can find you a flannel corset… i’ll start searching now!

    DP – you are SUCH a tease. now, put your teeth back in and have a gingernut…

    tattytiara – sadly, i know of what you speak. there’s something for everyone out there. the internet truly is for porn… some deeply freaky people still stumble in here looking for “girl scout” porn. ugh…

    unbearable banishment – you are a wise man. i think that is EXACTLY it. they need to stop expecting women to be media-fueled airbrushed perfection, and we need to stop expecting their hair to be all on the top of their heads, and for their skin to still fit nicely….

    s.le – i had to look twice at this gal. resembles a fairly close relative…

    uncle keith – i suppose the urgency has already hit me. my eggs are dessicating as i type. but i still can’t hook up with the young ones… freaks me right out. i have kids in their 20’s. just doesn’t seem right to be hooking up with gents i might have coached in soccer…

    writerdood – LOVE it! you’re on the design team! i was thinking of mini-skirts with built in bra’s at the top, but your idea is much better!

    renalfailure – it’s always about the boots with you, isn’t it? so noted… and yes, extraneous ultra-wide belts are part of the game. you, sir, will be on the marketing team. LazyLay by Daisyfae. i like it…

    manuel – my life has gotten much more pleasant since i gave up on myself. someone else is going to have to change the world… i’m going back to my drums…

  10. I read somewhere that a supermarket had decided to ban anyone wearing sleepwear. Personally I can think of worse things. Pyjamas are just baggy flannelette shirts and pants to me and I like them.

  11. Are you going to have a men’s line? Now that I think of it, the outfit I’m rocking right now would probably qualify. Maybe include a body spray that smells of stale wine and despair.

  12. If it were just the moving hair and the ill-fitting skin it wouldn’t be too bad. Trouble is, by the time I remove my toupee, hearing aid, false teeth, truss and other assorted prosthetics I’ve forgotten what I’m getting it all off for – – –

  13. oh yes, older men are way more attractive to me… i used to date this guy in his 30 who was always looking down at his biceps…that’s irritating as hell!

  14. I will be your first customer.
    It is true that this weekend there was a very serious and traditional Native American ceremony here on our land.
    Women were expected to wear long skirts.
    My friend: Oh shit, I forgot to shave. I can’t wear a skirt.
    Me: Sure you can. I could fuckin’ corn row my leg hair about now.

    Man, I hope we didn’t fuck up the spirits or anything.

  15. you should copyright that shit now!!! that is a kick ass idea, seriously, can i work in the ad dept.? i have a degree from like ages ago and my sick and twisted sensibility is already thinking up shit for the ad campaign.

  16. syncopated eyeball – i spend lots of time in my jammies. walking the dog in them is about as far as i’ll go in public, though…

    chris – i think that the body spray already exists. it’s called “Old Spice”. Men’s line? Fabulous idea… saw a guy at the gym today who could be the spokesmodel. Star Wars t-shirt (ORIGINAL), basketball shorts from the 80’s (SHORT), and the piece de resistance – TUBE SOCKS. oh, yeah. i was ready to hop all over that shit…

    archie – what were we talking about? Oh, yeah… Lazy Cougar clothing. Just a suggestion: leave the teeth in. it helps…. 🙂

    lynn – i have a hard time spending time with any male that spends more time shaving his body hair than i do… although swimmers and competitive bicyclists might have a reason, i don’t wanna swap ‘waxing’ stories with you, buddy….

    mongolian girl – i’ll certainly be wearing my own collection. shaving legs in winter is pointless. just as painting my toenails. but i do both… no idea why, really…

    kono – you and renal failure ARE the marketing department! go for it! it’s just a shame i’m too lazy to actually DO anything with this…

    jingle – welcome to the park! thank you for stopping by!

    carlae – exactly! velour sweat suits are in all of the best porn flicks! ummm…. so i’m told!

  17. I’ve been out of cyber touch for some time now – I feel this post was written for me – a welcome back treat.

    Flannel lingerie, fuzzy legs – I’m so there.

  18. I vaccilate between maturity and youth, and my tastes do the same.

    And you know, maybe it’s just my woodsy lifestyle, but tearing off flannels in a shared sleeping bag is about the hottest damn thing ever.

  19. squirrelqueen – same here. i’m pretty careful about not aerating my crotchal regions, though… there are frequent college-aged visitors in my home, and i REALLY don’t want to send any of them to therapy.

    ginny – you’re still too young to wear it, but i’ll hang onto some for when you’re ready!

    frigginloon – the speed dating idea is a fabulous promotional idea for when we unveil the new line of clothing! saturday afternoon, at the WalMart Cafe… One Lazy Cougar per table, and the young men have to hop between them at 5 minute intervals…

    amber – welcome back to the interwebz! i missed you! will be checking out your new blog!

    casey – after a day of wilderness adventure, fine dinner cooked over an open fire, and a few beers while watching the embers die out? the ol’ “grizzly adams sleeping bag bop” is a nice way to end the day… and for what it’s worth, i haven’t written off all the young ‘uns. There’s a 35 year old cougar-stalker currently in the mix, making an effort to convince me that he really does like older women…

  20. I wonder. Is this what a free and democratic society has resulted in? The “head games”, etc. when it comes to looking for a relationship partner?

    I have zero tolerance for drama and bullshit. I guess I’ve been lucky.

  21. rob – if you haven’t yet seen “Idiocracy”, i highly recommend it. Sophomoric humor, but the beginning of the flick details the demise of society over the next few hundred years… and i think it’s dead on target. as for avoidance of ‘head games’? it can be done. it took 2 months of direct (and fun) negotiations before i started seeing one of my friends – and we’ve continued the open discussions, renegotiations for over a year. romantic? hardly… but there is no drama and bullshit. nice…

  22. babs – you know, with the product development and marketing teams i could assemble from my brilliant pals in the blogosphere? i may have to give this some consideration… as a minimum, it would make a nice advert for “The Onion”…

  23. texastrailerparktrash – Welcome to The Park, Ms. Texas! best bra is definitely a sweatshirt, but at my age? need to make sure the sweatshirt is long enough…

  24. Yes, us youngins are for sure a whiny bunch of cocksuckers.

    You know what’s a damn, dirty shame? Is that I’ve always had a thing for guys that are 28. When I was 18. When I was 25. Right now. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I’M 36? WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I’M 45 AND I STILL LIKE 28 YEAR OLDS? OH MY GOD I’M GOING TO BE A COUGAR.

  25. rassles – just go with it. if i’ve learned nothing else from the internet, i’ve learned that there is an ass for every seat. just surf the ‘specialty’ porn sites and there is comfort there. disturbing, but comfort nonetheless.

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