ALWAYS keep plenty of dog chow on hand when you have a large hound in residence. Winter weather can make a late night trip to the store an annoyance.
ALWAYS keep a clear path through your garage, to avoid stumbles and falls while wearing clunky winter boots. Large bags of dog chow should be stored in a convenient location, out of the main walk way.
NEVER place a bag of dog chow in an area of your garage that is susceptible to wetness, from snow melt dripping off of your vehicles. Dog chow should remain in a dry bag to remain fresh and tasty for your large hound.
ALWAYS check the bottom of a large bag of dog chow for integrity before hoisting it up on your shoulder to re-fill the dog food tub. An ounce of prevention… is worth 50 fucking pounds of “Oh, SHIT!” as you lift it and the bottom falls out and a bazzilion nuggets of compressed head-cheese scrapings from dead farm animals scatters across the floor of your garage, while your hungry dog wags his tail in annoying anticipation…
On the bright side? There is no “5 second rule” for dog food. He’ll eat it. This is an animal that licks his own asshole on a routine basis. A little dirt and garage-lint will simply add fiber…
Trailer Park Refugee 
duly noted, sugar! xoxoox
great visuals, DF. 🙂
Doesn’t take long for vacation to wear off, does it?
You forgot the most important nugget of winter wisdom: Move south of the Mason/Dixon line.
If I have to sit through one more blizzard I’m going to drink fingernail polish remover.
Does this mean I’ve got to buy a dog now so I can take full advantage of your wisdom?
“This is an animal that licks his own asshole on a routine basis.”
Pure gold.
50 fucking pounds of oh shit is a LOT of shit
Oopsy, yuk!
thank you for this important lesson… off to move the bird food.
@Stephanie – bird food will at least grow if spilled – and possibly into wondrous plants which may need hiding from outside view. Dog food just goes soggy!
@DF, 50 pounds id a good lift. Do you just do it once a day or is it a part of a routine 😉
Sound advice.
savannah – perhaps the purpose of my life is to serve as a warning to others. this is my civic duty…
beth – you knew exactly what that happy, excited dog looked like, didn’t you?
chris – hard to calculate the half-life of a relaxing road trip, but this was about 2 hours…
unbearable banishment – how’s that Cutex taste? aren’t you getting nailed again?
DP – applies to Llama-chow as well…
jimmy bastard – yes. he often digs deep to mine that gold. i must love him a lot…
nursemyra – a dust pan and plastic trash can made it fairly quick work. but i swore a lot. even for me…
syncopated eyeball – at least it dumped out in an area that was dry. wet dog chow? major yuk…
stephanie – bird food is inherently more dangerous… as archie says below…. be careful out there!
archie – the chow-maneuver happens about once a month. my regular routine doesn’t smell quite so grainy…
ellie – and the sad thing is that i’ll probably do it again…
I like to think I’m 180lbs of Oh Shit! but I don’t think I’m there yet.
petey has been licking his asshole every five minutes, which is annoying, but i am glad his 20 kilo bag of dog food is intact.
gotta run, he is licking again on the couch, which is an absolute no-no.
there’s no five second rule in a restaurant either….dont ask….heh
renalfailure – i have no doubt you are every bit of that! you are a damn fine sexy bloggerman!
dave – oh, the wetspots. my dog managed to do some licking all over my comforter, shortly before i had company. needless to say, explaining the 10″ wetspot took a few extra minutes…
manuel – so very glad to have this confirmed. takes away the mystery!
Experience is a great teacher, eh?
rob – the only effective one for numbskulls like me!