Li’l Squirt…

Last Sunday, after my day of excavations at Mom’s house, i was post-processing the event with my children, and my daughter’s boyfriend, Z.  Standing outside the garage, chilly and overcast midwest midnight, smoking cigarettes while the dog tried his best to trip us all with his leash…

daisyfae:  It’s so hard to see her hurt that we don’t want boxes and boxes of glassware.  We don’t need it.  She’s got so many “collectible” glasses from the 70’s – given away as gas station premiums.  She’s even got a set of Apollo tumblers!

The Girl:  Hey, those could be cool.  Did you take them?

daisyfae:  No.  But i can look next week.

The Girl:  Wow, that was from before you were born!  I wasn’t even an egg then!

daisyfae:  I was born then, in 1962.  So i was just a kid.  Your dad was older, and remembers it better… 

The Girl:  So I was at least a sperm.

daisyfae:  Not really –  The sperm that became you was “fresh” in 1986.  Sperm kind of dies off and regenerates. 

The Boy:  It also could have been squirted out.  Knuckle children. 

daisyfae: [spit take]

The folks at ThinkGeek do it again...

 image from here, where lots of plush microbes are available!
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24 thoughts on “Li’l Squirt…

  1. I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but have never been able to act like anything other than an oversexed teen when it comes to sex education. Oh, and don’t tell my husband about those glasses. They will end up in our house.

  2. Apollo Tumbers! Awesome!
    Those are probably worth… a LOT!

    “The sperm that became you was, at that time, a collection of amino acids and proteins scattered across the farmland of the United States.”

    I agree with Chris.

  3. you raised them…can’t ask for anything less.
    If they acted different, more refined and delicate..you would think they had been switched at birth or had an alien encounter. At least Z knows what he’s getting into.

  4. Knuckle children, sock children, old t-shirt children, blow-up doll children, so many children lost to the five knuckle shuffle, Sarah Palin should organize some kind of organization to save these poor kids, needless to say i must suppress the urge to tell the boyo’s that i murdred a million or so of your siblings last night and then laugh hysterically.

  5. chris – you’ll grow hair on your palms. quit it. right now. seriously, NOT at the dinner table. especially in the restaurant…

    mongoliangirl – same here. and i was on the board of the local planned parenthood affiliate for a few years. my daughter apparently has dibs on the glasses. ugh.

    writerdood – i’ll use that answer if it comes up again. which i hope it doesn’t.

    rob – my thought? if they ask tough questions, they damn well better be ready for the answers!

    hisqueen – truly, this is my fault. no excuses. and yes, Z is part of the clan. he can toss it with the rest of us. the comments, that is…

    ginny – i’d never heard that one before, and it just hit me as hysterical. it was either spit out the soda into the bushes, or it would have come out my nose…

    kono – i’d never heard it! cracked me up… and yes, Sarah must team up with Randall Terry and get out there to save the baby humans!

    unpinned girl – yes. especially mine, it seems…

    s.le – i do too… gonna miss these guys if when they finally move out for good…

    syncopated eyeball – alas, we are born with all the eggs we’ll ever have, but an old goat can still crank out the baby butter until he’s dead. seems unfair, doesn’t it?

    uncle keith – KEEEEE-RIST! if she wants period props? she should send me a list. i’ll pay shipping… and yes, you should keep them warm and moist. a shower curtain is perfect. add some sea monkey eggs and see what happens!

  6. Yea yea, cool sperm, but do they have Baptistoaetus?? No.
    With the plathora of Neo-cons slithering around w/o a home these days the least they could have is a casual mention.
    Fail.

  7. manuel – i’m going to call him “cheeky blighter” for a bit… i think he’ll like that…

    kevin john – i’m guessing that Baptistoaetus is far to frightening to ever be made into a stuffed anything. although it’s a nice thought!

    renalfailure – good lord! i don’t even want to THINK about how many pre-humans i’ve eaten?!?!? jeeesus h. swallows-a-lot christ….

    nursemyra – oh, yeah… we really need a cabanaboy, don’t we? how can we smuggle him to Lesbos?

    syncopated eyeball – i’ll have to find this ‘hicks’ dude… i don’t get out much!

    lora – welcome to the park! i am delighted that you stopped by. i’ll be reading at your place on a regular basis. and my next post? likely a full-throttle trigger from your post about “sally”. may take me a few days to collect my thoughts, but you got me…

    Bb – alas, i’ve probably got a large family of ‘intestinal kiddies’ somewhere…

  8. Pingback: Knuckle Children « Ærchies Archive – The Curmudgeon’s Magazine

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