Not “resolve” exactly… Not really…

Not resolutions.  It’s more like leaning into the wind.  And a cold fucking wind at that, at this particular moment…  Things on my mind.  Some things that must be dealt with over the next several months…

Books:  “i’m sorry, it’s not you, it’s me”.  i say this nearly every night, to the lonely foot-high stack of bound paper resting at my bedside.  i slyly avert my eyes from the smaller stack that sits beside my comfy chair in the living room.  But this must change.  i’ve nearly completed “The Omnivore’s Dilemma“, which is important reading for anyone who eats. 

Rather than launch directly into “In Defense of Food” (Pollan’s second book, which helps you deal with the problems uncovered in his previous book), i’ve vowed to beat through Dr. James Hansen’s “Storms of My Grandchildren” to get a bead on the science of climate change.  Gonna have to bust this up with some good porn erotica or i’ll be cutting myself by spring…

Body:  Fairly religious in my use of “fitday” last year, i knocked off almost 40 pounds.  But i’m still about 20 pounds short of my goal – which isn’t a weight goal, as much as a body fat* goal.  There is a personal trainer in my near future.  i hate it, and i’ll never be “done”.  Nor will i give up bacon, booze or chocolate.  But onward…

Balance:  i took ‘fucking off’ to an entirely new level last year.  While i need to do something professionally useful, i fully intend to continue my quest to “fart around” as much as possible – But NOW?  With focus and skills development!  Planning a ski trip in February – under the gentle guidance of two professional ski instructors!  Starting “Stress & Rescue” SCUBA classes this week.  Rosetta Stone French is glaring at me from the end table.  Oh, and i never did finish updating my bedroom** when i moved into the new place…  Planning to make new linens.  Yes.  That means “sew”.  Can’t be that hard.  It’s just a bunch of rectangles and squares, right? 

Bed:  My mother is still living on a bed in my niece’s living room – no end in sight.  This is bullshit for all involved.  The war games are underway, and i’ll be infiltrating the Trailer Park this weekend to get the pieces in motion.  And likely come home with a snootful of mildew and cat dander… Mom’s 82.  To say she’s at the “Two Minute Warning” is optimistic.  She deserves a better quality of life than a ward bed in a trailer park flophouse…

Seriously.  These are not resolutions.  i haven’t made a resolution in decades.  Just some thoughts as i lean into the frigid wind.  Suppose it could be worse…. i could be that*** blogger…

It's c-c-c-cold....

image found here

* Due to breast cancer in 2006, when i hit menopause in a few years, i shall go through it without hormone supplements – Commando!  Rather than go to an armored “Menstrual Hut” for three years, i’m going to hit it with everything i’ve got.  Which means muscle.  The best way to weather it is to be strong and lean.  In 2006, i skipped the hormonal chemo, and committed to lose fat.  i’m late.  Should have been there a couple years ago…

** Got the comfy reading chair and fluffy bed.  Need new linens, a dresser, to hang a few items on the walls.  And install the ‘coffee bar’.  Always wanted a coffee bar in my fucking bedroom.  i’m THAT lazy…

*** My blogdaddy.  He’s been working on his graduate studies, amongst other things.  So now he writes about the weather.  But he writes eloquently about it, doesn’t he?

30 thoughts on “Not “resolve” exactly… Not really…

  1. I can save you some time. Don’t waste time reading anything about the science of climate change. It’s all a bunch of hooey. The only thing certain about the climate is that…….IT WILL CHANGE!

    There are so many factors at work that (and I’m sure you would recognize this) it is almost impossible (with our current state of programming brilliance and computer hardware) to model the earth’s weather and climate interactions.

    I’ve been back and forth on this damned (and divisive) issue and I’ve reached the conclusion that when it comes to climate change….. I DON’T CARE what the cause is.

    If we want to be really smart about it, we just need to read the signs and figure out what we should do/have to do in order to not die as a result of it. Piece of cake, eh?

    I couldn’t get through “The Eater’s Manifesto” and I’ve taken “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” out of the library three times now and have to crack the cover. I’ve read enough about food and have formed sufficient opinions (and put into practice) that I don’t think I’ll learn anything new. Pollan’s writing style is ….um……a tad dry, shall we say? Schlosser’s “Fast Food Nation” was much more entertaining.

    Overall, nice resolves. Good luck on the Trailer Park Gaming. The situation with your Mom is getting to (and past) the head shaking stage (as in – un-fucking-believable). I enjoyed the pics of her with her walker from Christmas too.

  2. jenny – even worse? it’s gonna be one of these lazy-assed bad boyz…. oh, yeah. wasteful AND silly. but i’m not a coffee snob. i like my folgers in a dirty mug… this will be decadence…

    rob – exactly. i need to be smart to beat back the stupid. er, perhaps i meant, naieve. the people who think ethanol is the answer. or think just by driving a prius it’s all better… we’re fucked. i know that. but given where we are now? what do we do? the summaries i’ve read of hansen’s book (along with some ramblings from my new friend mike, the mad biologist) are looking at the ‘now what?’ point of view… Pollan? Dry? That’s why it’s taken me two fucking months to wade through it! But i’m learning…. And i haven’t even documented the latest Trailer Park “you’ve got to be shitting me” stuff… it’s worse…

  3. As a male, I am programmed to scream loudly when the word menstrual and the phrase “I’m late” are used within a single paragraph.

    BTW, that woman in the fur has a nice ass.

  4. uk – understood. no fears, i’m neutered….

    nursemyra – i think it’s the coat. for the shoulders, not so much the ass…

    mitzi – oh, there might have been a moment (or two) back when we were 18 year old kids… he posted something about a theft of virtue at the ol’ chemistry teacher’s apartment or some such thing. old friends, he’s one of the best people i’ve ever known…

  5. I’m currently trying to figure out what to do with my mother in law. She’s the same age as your mother, and has had an aneurysm. I’d like her to come live with us, but after seeing my how my cousin treated my grandmother who they lived with while she was going out with Alzheimer’s, I’m really concerned about my daughter treating her grandmother with the same disrespect. Kids don’t remember how they were, or how they’re supposed to be, so they just think of them as these old invalid morons and not someone who gave up a huge chunk of their life and time and effort to make someone else’s life possible. And then they end up remembering them as this crippled idiot rather than how they really were (which is also what I don’t want).

    So good luck getting your Mom out of that living room. She deserves better.

  6. Trainers make all the difference.
    They’re kind of like car salesmen when you sign up though, but you’re smarter then that.

    I’d wait until after all the resolutioners are done though, maybe about March/April; most people sign up for 2-3 months and then realize it’s hard to stay in shape and quit.

  7. “Nor will i give up bacon, booze or chocolate.”
    or coffee!

    Who would?!

    My take on the climate:
    A long, long time ago there were creatures that roamed the earth, and guess what happened to them?
    An Ice Age.
    The Earth is constantly changing.
    Personally, I it’s pretty damn foolish of us to think that we can’t become extinct as well.
    She takes care of herself and destroys and rebuilds as necessary.

    Just a thought.

  8. Good on you having lost so much weight! Hip, hip, huzzah! I also never make resolutions. Then I don’t look the sorry loser whilst breaking/forgetting about them!

  9. i’m plowing through In Defense of Food myself. didn’t realize i should have started with The Omnivores Dilemma…i’m not very far along myself. daisyfae you got to be some kind of freakin’ overachiever! i’m exhausted just reading this post. i think i need a margarita now!

  10. writerdood – that’s a challenge, and i hope you and your family can find a good balance. mom has made it clear that she will not go to assisted living (fear of nursing homes), will not allow in-home health care/assistance (“Strangers! They’ll steal my stuff!”), so there really aren’t many options… knowing this, i plan to make sure my children are NOT faced with these decisions when my turn comes… good luck to you as well!

    syncopated eyeball – i’m not really all that busy, certainly not compared to the days when i had ‘young ‘uns’ at home… i spend way too much time surfing the web, but i’m not big on tv, so maybe that’s it…

    stephanie – i won a free consultation, so it’ll be three sessions. we’ll develop a plan and if it works, i’ll hire her in the spring for a re-visit. but the gym has been full of ‘resolvers’. they used to annoy me, but now i’m sort of cheering for them to stick with it!

    DP – yes. my brain? major shrinkage… what were you talking about?

    blazngfyre – good point. but being somewhat selfish, and having these pesky offspring, the avoidance of massive human/animal suffering would be nice if possible…

    jimmy – thank you, sir, but it is YOU who needs to publish. i’m a hack, farting around out here, as i fart around with everything i do… completely incapable of committment of any sort….

    manuel – you’ll never look at convenience food the same way again. most eye opening for me: the COST of calories. $1 buys 1200 cals of potato chips or 120 cals of carrots. if you’ve got a family to fill and a tight budget? where do you spend that dollar?

    S.Le – i didn’t actually resolve, did i? oh, crap. there i went and put things in writing. now i’m hosed… like you, i dislike that accountability aspect…. on with it, i suppose…

    lynn – i’m not sure it matters what order. they really aren’t easy reads. once you get the idea, maybe that’s enough. i’m not an overachiever. far, far, FAR from it. i’m a slug. i used to be able to accomplish many things. now? i fuck off a lot. fucking off is easier, and perhaps, just as satisfying, but in different ways…. a lot less stress as a slug.

  11. What is it with the writing thing? Huh? Hop to it sistah. I just read a book by a writer described as “the funniest person in the universe”. Um, really? It’s all I can do to prevent myself from burning it in our wood stove. You? I would read your book, and I would laugh at your wit and wisdom spun in such a delicious way.

  12. That’s a lotta B words. If I’d been doing this list, I’d have had to include Bullshitting because that seems to be what goes on most in my head and certainly what comes most out of my mouth (and fingers . . .).

    I think your B word that jumps out at me most is Balance. When you have that, it’s because the other stuff is taking care of itself.

    P.S. I left a message over at your blogdaddy’s. HAHAHAHAHA. His comment thingamajig is effed up, and I didn’t realize my comment had posted. Repeatedly. He’s going to be so glad you sent me over there.

  13. Yeah too many B words ..I’ll go for some C words like consciousness, curiosity and contemplation…..I’m going to find out why I’m here and I want to know what I want …what I really really want I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want, and you can tell me what you want, what you really really want, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna

    PS the answer is

    zigazig ha.

  14. mongoliangirl – thank you. but i may be the only blogger on earth who has no interest in writing a book. simply don’t have that much to say! the blog format fits my needs — organize my thoughts, interact with delightful people who happen to stop and comment… i exorcise my demons here. a book? waaaaay overkill…

    fragrant – if i gave up bullshitting? there’d be nothing left of me! poof! just like that! Yeah, blogdaddy’s got a slow comment response. First time i encountered it, i think i left about 10 comments, too. i think he’s used to it by now!

    seanfraser – ooooooh! GREAT earworm! that one at least gives me good, bouncy energy! i may have to explore “c” words next year… if i live another 25 years? could make it to the “z’s”!

  15. The pic is intriguing. Finally, a woman that doesn’t fart.

    Pollans book I really liked. Someone recommended it in our martini club book club. I haven’t read In Defense of Food and I probably won’t now. =)

  16. uw – that’s how you get thos big shoulders?!? who knew? i’m still struggling with finishing that damn book. it’s good, but…. it would be better with just a little sex, i think…

  17. Daisyfae – I have one of these here – I call it my barrista boyfriend. It’s small and makes every hot beverage in an individual cup. Every. Hot. Beverage. Coffee, tea, lattes, mochas, hot chocolate, etc. No clean up, no mess. Coffee shop quality and every brand you’re already addicted to. Everyone that’s seen it in action wants one or gets one. Anyway, if you’re looking for something cool I HIGHLY recommend. Check it.

  18. sally – tassimo or keurig. planning to check them both out! ‘barrista boyfriend’ in my bedroom? one that can’t whine about the hours i make him work, or blather on about his fucking dreams and hopes? all i want is the coffee. without moving my ass out of bed… oh, yeah. the winter bedroom excavations are underway, and the coffee bar shall be real by summer!

  19. I’m not sure I agree with the conclusions entirely any more, but Tim Flannery’s “The Weather Makers” is a pretty good read. I found Flannery’s “The Eternal Frontier” to be an excellent treatise explaining why the weather is the way it is in North America.

    Elizabeth Kolbert’s “Field Note from a Catastrophe” is also pretty good. The one thing that stands out from that book, that you really never hear discussed otherwise, is how air temperature measurements are not really a reliable indicator of climate trend. It may be better, Kolbert found from visits to Alaska, to follow trends in the northern permafrost, as the changes in permafrost temperatures are much less erratic.

    Granted, Anthony Watts ( is a total shill for the climate change deniers, but I saw some interesting plots of historical temperatures premised upon ice core data from Greenland and Antarctica on his blog. The “hockey stick” rise in temperatures of modern times (last century or so) is totally insignificant in comparison to the last 300,000 to 400,000 years. In fact, it would seem that the earth is currently in a rare interglacial warm period; earth’s statistical tendency is to be a big ball of ice. Oh, and it looks like, in comparison to past interglacials, that we are about near the end of the current one.

  20. rob – these are good suggestions! i hope to read from several points of view… at least try to get the basics from the authors perspectives (i know there will be some that make me scream)…

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