Surviving “Slug Week”: A Primer

That week between Christmas and New Year – purgatory on the calendar.  We are recovering from an overdose of sugar, sweets and exposure to extended family.  With the start of a new year literally just around the corner, we know we’re going to try to get ourselves right with our bodies.  But not just yet… We need transition.  Gentle movement away from mindless gluttony and sloth –  toward our newfound resolve of sacrifice, or at least moderation.
“Slug Week”
i  always work the week between the holidays, for a wide variety of reasons.  i  prefer to take my vacation when the sun is shining, not when faced with 18 hours of darkness and massive frigidity.  It’s also generally very quiet at work.  Most folks are gone, and those that are working are either in “fuck off” mode, or sleeping politely at their desks.  In either case, no one is sending me work, and i’m just fine with that.  No one notices if i show up late, then leave early to make up for it.
Despite all these wonderful things, a few tips are in order.  A list of suggestions for Slug Week.  Making the transition from “reckless self-abuse and gluttony” to “positive outlook for becoming the best person i can be” must be somewhat gradual.  Holiday recovery is not for pussies. 
DO bring all of your leftover junk food into the office.  Pack up the rum balls, shortbread cookies dipped in chocolate and even the partially emptied tubs of frosting leftover in the fridge.  By New Year’s Day, there should be nothing decadent left in your house.
DON’T sit at the Admin Desk and eat the shit you just brought in to work.  It was for THEM, dumbass.
DO continue with your exercise regimen during Slug Week.  It will help you kick-start your January fitness routine.
DON’T leave your sweaty gym clothes in your car overnight, when it’s going to be ball-numbingly cold.  Putting on a frozen running bra can stop your heart, or as a minimum, wake you up.  We can’t have that.  Transitions must be gradual…
DO start watching your calories.  Slimfast, or other meal replacements, can come in handy.  Bonus tip:  i keep a can in my car, so it is convenient – even when i’m on the run.  And this time of year? It’s always chilled!
DON’T mix a Slimfast with Bailey’s Irish Cream for lunch.  Drink the Bailey’s straight to cut calories. 
DO use the quiet time in the office to knock out a few things that have languished on your “To Do” list for months.  Take advantage of the abandoned workplace to do your most creative thinking…
DON’T bother even pretending to try the item above.  i  tell myself that i’m going to write that tech report, or knock out the big bad spreadsheet, or generate a new process description, or some such bullshit every year.  Invariably, i end up reading newspapers online, yakking with my equally sluggardly colleagues, or simply fighting to stay awake for six hours.  Skip the guilt.  Instead, go here and play games.  These are unlikely to be blocked by your IT department.  It’s NORAD!  What’s more important than National Defense?

Happy Slug Week!  Get out there in those sweat pants and baggy shirts and start thinking about preparing for getting ready to kinda start getting shit done next week…

23 thoughts on “Surviving “Slug Week”: A Primer

  1. At last! I have found my New Year’s Resolution. Your last sentence from “Start”. The only problem is that you mis spelled “year” at the end.

    I was going to start procrastinating today but I put it off until tomorrow – – –

  2. God help me. I’m wearing a pair of my husband’s pajama bottoms, napped twice today, and ate an entire loaf of pumpkin bread for lunch. Oh, and we also made an enormous 2010 goals list for our horse business. But it was done between naps, so I have no fuckin’ clue what’s on it.

  3. New Year resolutions are so unrealistic. I always follow through on mine though. Drink more, smoke even more, and black out before eating. It’s a great way to fast. Funny about the leftover holiday food. People really do practice purging their fridges and counters by bringing their diarrhea fudge into work. =)

  4. I take all the leftover holiday food home, eat the good stuff and give the rest to the hounds. It’s their favorite part of the holidays. Of course, I don’t tell the folks that made said leftover holiday food this as it would probably piss them off that their hard work is going to a corgi.

    It’s win-win for everyone.

  5. archie – yeah. ‘year’ is a much better goal. i’m tired. naptime…

    mongolian girl – exactly. if i stayed home? i’d sleep, stare at the computer, stare at the tv, nap, stare, nap, eat, stare… why do that at home when i can get paid for it?!?

    syncopated eyeball – those of us who like to go out to play refer to new years eve as ‘amateur night’. best to stay off the roads. i like the idea of a doll party! the guests are all well behaved and you don’t have to clean up body fluids the next day!

    rassles – oh, i didn’t. that’s the problem. brought it to work and started eating it… except i shared a bottle of Bailey’s. parked it by the coffee pot. it’s getting empty, and it ain’t just me! god bless us everyone!

    upset waitress – you picked the right kind of resolutions. i’m going to pick ‘sleep more, do less’ and see if that works better this year….

    nursemyra – exactly! i rest my case!

    newscoma – corgis need christmas, too! i like the idea of being selective about just eating the good stuff. i truly have done ALL of the stupid things in my “don’t” list – right down to eating a 1/3 full tub of frosting for dinner one night…. ack!

  6. show up late, then leave early to make up for it.

    Uh, that’s my MO. Um, all year round.

    Hehehehe: You used “Slimfast” and “on the run” in the same paragraph. Freudian slip? I think not.

    I decided to take off the week between Christmas and New Year’s this year. With stats, it only cost me two vacation days and my last RDO. I still have three vacation days to carry over to 2010.

    The idea was to complete the renovation of the room we use for our “office” here at home. How’s that going, you ask? Um, slowly.

  7. I was supposed to take this Slug Week and the week before to work on a novel, then my laptop broke. I would have gone out somewhere this week too but my car was in the shop for a few days. Mainly I have epitomized the slug in “slug week,” as I have a Playstation 3 to keep me fastened to my couch.

  8. Unfortunately, my office is closed this week. But I will try some of your tips at home. I am supposed to write a paper this week, so I’m catching up on reading blogs.

  9. stephanie – i’d brought a bottle of bailey’s and parked it by the coffee pot at work. when i cracked the slimfast? it seemed a righteous idea… and it really wasn’t bad!

    writerdood – i’ve done redbull + vodka and find that it makes me an unstoppable asshole… but the stuff does mess with my aging heart, so i avoid energy drinks.

    rob – M.O.? me too. maybe that’s why no one notices when i do it during a holiday week! the slimfast isn’t a good solution – i need to start making food this year. good luck with the office renovations… i find that EVERYTHING goes slowly during this particular week of the year!

    renalfailure – i suppose nursemyra and i could concoct a few things to fasten you to the couch. sounds like you own slug week. hope the mechanicals get working again…

    uncle keith – i said “knock OUT” not “knock UP”. Remo doesn’t need a crazy little brother… but thanks for playing!

    lynn – i gave up and phoned in a day of leave today. couldn’t stand the idea of putting on clothing and getting in my car. and i don’t think they’d want me at my desk in my underoos… although i wonder if anyone would notice….

    unbearable banishment – i’m trying to figure out that ‘how to do it for cash’ thing myself. getting dressed is even a problem for me today. if i figure it out, you’ll be my first call!

    chris – i stopped even pretending to do projects at HOME. organize my files? right. that ain’t happening either. i sleep, read, eat, nap then eat some more… it’s fun.

  10. ‘Amateur night’ How appropriate! I’d like to stand somewhere out of reach with a megaphone: ‘Hey everyone! It’s ok to have fun throughout the year! You don’t have to save it all up for NYE. Or Friday nights.’

  11. casey – i was wondering if it would be you or uncle keith who got to that line! happy new year!

    uk – it’s ok. he’ll find you. you know he’ll find you… it’s in the cards…

    nursemyra – you too, hotstuff! let’s get planning Greece, 2010! woo hoo xoxoxo

    squirrel queen – i could get used to this. seriously. have had TWO naps today. this is good…

    syncopated eyeball – exactly! i had one beer last night, and had a ball. ain’t about the drinkin’, that’s for sure!

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