It’s not often that i end up at a “Chamber of Commerce” event in my little suburb, but the planets aligned last Thursday. i had been out with my ‘breast cancer drinkin’ grannies’, and one of them suggested we crash the Chamber event in order to eat dinner and drink for free continue our holiday celebration.
Seemed a grand plan to me…
As i was stumbling making my way towards the bar, i literally stepped on the legs of a man, kneeling in order to speak to people seated at a table.
Kneeling Man: Ah-HA! You fell for me!
daisyfae: Not so fast, buddy. Stand up and let me get a better look at you…
And so the flirtation began… An attorney, running for judge. Which in my part of the world means “Republican”, as there hasn’t been a non-Republican elected official in the county for decades. We chatted. Once he realized i was on the prowl single, he proceeded to launch through the “pick up” questions… enquiring about my tastes in music, film, etc.
Even a social moron like me could track this one: He’s considering asking me out…
In order to deliver my son and a friend to a holiday party, i excused myself early, but gave him a business card on the way out the door. i relayed my adventures to my son and his friend in the car, en route to their party.
daisyfae: So, i think i’m going to get asked out by an attorney, who is likely to be elected as judge this year…
The Boy: You should absolutely go out with him… you don’t have a lawyer in your stable.
daisyfae: Yeah, but i’m not sure i could fuck a Republican*.
The Boy: But Mom, it might mean the difference between “Ten to Life” and “Probation”…
* For what it’s worth, i have no issues with thinking conservatives – and no, it’s not an oxymoron. i know a few. It’s the folks who have co-opted the Republican party, and revel in their “narrow-minded, bible-thumpin’, intolerant and proud of it” way of existence that make me cringe….
y’all have mad skillz, babygirl! ok, so what did he look like? xooxox
Republican waters run deep and slutty, and politicians are nice to have dirt on. Consider him an early xmas gift.
You can infiltrate the enemy. A Trailer Park Mata Hari. Close your eyes and think of the buckeye state.
You know the Republicans are the kinky ones.
I await stories. A lot of stories.
Exactly what I was thinking… they also strangely seem to be the closet homosexuals as well.
I’m a republican. Does that mean when we are both sitting around the nursing home making fun of porn and the younger generation, I don’t have a shot?
Do it for the children daisyfae
savannah – don’t know about ‘skilz’, but i’ve been told i’m special! he was cute, in a “squeaky-clean and freshly scrubbed” sort of way…
annie – HA! You’re absolutely right! He ‘friended’ me on Facebook, so i suspect he’s going to take one look at my ‘party dawg’ photos and either run for the pews of the nearest church, or show up on my doorstep in assless leather chaps, carrying his fraternity paddle…
unbearable banishment – um….. no…. if he’s a ‘thumper’, it ain’t happening…
ginny – i have found that it’s not so much the kink, it’s the degree of hypocrisy, that turns me cold. but there be kink on both sides of the aisle…
alex – this guy, never married, may be under the gun to find himself a nice, stoic “wife-like-object”, suitable for use at fundraisers, party events and for trotting out on the campaign trail. Umm… not me…
uk – you, sir, would be one of the ‘thinking conservatives’. besides, you don’t thump a bible. you started your own religion, which is orders of magnitude cooler. you have more than a slight chance, hot stuff…
nursemyra – could i screw a hypocrite to get my son off death row? depends on what he did to get there… interesting party question, though, isn’t it?
Your son is so cool!
Best of luck to you… I hope he’s not boring or bureaucratic.
Reminds me of “Gallows Pole” by Led Zepplin…”I think I see my momma coming, riding many mile, mile, mile.
Momma, I implore you, take him by the hand,
Take him to some shady bower, save me from the wrath of this man…”
Judge, eh? Hmmm. Proceed with caution, lest ye find yeself on the path to becoming a Stepford wife.
As long as he’s not in the conservative world of actually believing the entire universe is 10,000 years old and man roamed with the dinasaurs, I say strip it sistah.
tNb (when she was still single): “There’s no way I could ever date a Republican.”
But to hell with that, I say fuck the man. 😉
your conversations w/ boy (and girl) bring me great joy and laughter. Even w/ a splitting headache you can always make me laugh. I had to relay this one to the hubby. He got a great kick out of it.
As for the date/benefits thing…as NIKE would say “just do it”
Banging a judge has its obvious merits. One drawback… it would get really old really fast when every time he reaches climax he shouts “Here come the judge!”
with The Boy, i’m thinking you’ll also have to start lining up a parole officer, maybe a cop, an auto body guy, the governor… just to cover the possible bases…
but remember the warning you learned in GATPM: “…there was a time when a series of sexual favors meant something to a governor…”
DID HE CALL????????????
syncopated eyeball – ‘cool’ is one word for him… doesn’t mean i don’t want to whack him with a board on occasion!
stephanie – GREAT musical flashback! woo hoo! had forgotten that one!
rob – highly unlikely. i’m not pre-disposed to getting paired up, and i’m certainly not something he’ll want to have on the campaign trail this spring…
mongolian girl – he’s a farm kid. we yakked a bit about how much fun it is to shoot old CRT Televisions with shotguns (my brother and i did it). i suspect he’s not a ‘creationist’.
tNb – excellent point! i don’t actually have to talk to him! or date him! brilliant!
uncle keith – now, that’s not to say that when i’m old i’ll have any idea who the hell you are. wear a nametag, ok?
hisqueen – glad to be of service. it’s not always a ‘laugh a minute’ around here, but we do yuk it up quite a bit…
renalfailure – that’s almost enough to get me to nail him. if he doesn’t yell it, i could… damn you.
gnukid – you’re absolutely right. it won’t stop with the attorney/judge. this kid is a busy boy. i’m gonna need a bigger bench….
hereinfranklin – not yet, but i just realized i gave him my old business card with the wrong phone number. then again, he ‘friended me’ on facebook, and i suspect that he may have been a bit startled by my (ahem) adventures, as captured in the photos… whatever…
Lawyers…it’s in their job description to fuck as many people as they can. I think that’s how they get a paycheck.
I absolutely love the crossing out of words.
Touchy subject, Republicans. Good luck.
upset waitress – excellent point. he may have already fucked me…
uncle keith – can’t promise i’ll remember you. depends…
ambrella – welcome to the Trailer Park. lawyers are safe for abuse, though…
Well? Anything happening on the call-daisyfae-for-a-date front?
I have a judge interested in me, but he lives far, far away. He is awfully cute though. However, I am not “good” for him, as my name can be Googled and then all my irreverent writing come up, and that wouldn’t augur well for his re-election. So . . . alas, not likely to even begin. Oh, but he’s a cute one. (sigh)
Um, where was I? Oh yeah. Did you get a date, or what?
fragrant liar – i need to check messages on my old office phone (i gave him an old business card). i seriously doubt it… i may have misread his ‘campaigning’ for ‘sniffing’… as for your judgely friend? wait til after the election and go hit that!
Hypocrisy is my least favorite part of party politics and organized religion in general. but there’s nothing wrong with getting to know (in the biblical sense) the candidates. It’s the American thing to do.
squirrel queen – it’s about my least favorite thing in any forum! and as a minimum, i could consider it ‘opposition research’. he seemed a genuinely nice guy, though. farm kid, still a farmer. and i like that…