Returning from a weekend with my breast cancer grannies, i called Mom down in the Trailer Park. The weekly call – a habit established almost 30 years ago when i left home. We went through the usual laundry list of topics:
daisyfae: How was your week?
Mom: Well, not much going on. On Monday, I ate some leftovers from KFC. DQ and BJ had ordered extra chicken livers… [litany of everything she’s eaten for the entire week follows]
daisyfae: Did you get the results back from the “sleep study” yet?
Mom: They took me back for another sleep over Tuesday night, this time with that mask thing on me. They say I slept for five hours. I sure felt more rested. DQ and BJ tell me that I was in a better mood on Wednesday, too…
And so on… i ask after my siblings, have they called, what’s the latest and all that rot… Eventually, she asked how the kids and i are doing. She asked how work is going… if i’ve had any adventures.
Despite the fact that i’d just returned from a weekend at a lovely regional resort with my elder gal-pals, i just didn’t feel right telling her about it.
Yes. You got it folks. i felt as though i’d been cheating on my mother with two other women.
That, my friends, is supremely fucked up, isn’t it? Turns out, my weekend excursion was – wait for it – a guilt trip.
well, hey, it’s not like you enjoyed the trip with the other gal-pals, right? oooo, wait….that was last post and, [gasp!], you DID enjoy it!
why, you trollop child, you…
ssshhhhh, don’t tell her about your 4 leftover chicken livers!
What is this… guilt? It is a strange and silly word.
oh daisyfae I so get where you’re coming from. when she was alive I used to get a call from my mother in new zealand every saturday morning. We went through the usual litany about food eaten and television programs watched, whether or not my brother had been to visit her and how my kids were doing…… but I could never bring myself to tell her if I’d been away for a weekend anywhere because it made me feel so guilty for not flying home to see her instead.
wonder if our kids will feel forced to fudge with us too one day…..
Do we ever stop feeling guilty about things? Society tells us that we must feel certain things at certain times, but all that we need to do is live life and make sure that we try our best. Nobody gets out of life guilt free!!
@ajd, no one gets out of life alive. We may as well enjoy ourselves while we can.
@ df, I have found that my kids guilt me by complaining that I DON’T call them often enough!
I feel lucky that I think that my parents and I have come to the mutual agreement that we call when we can. We both have things going on 3hrs away from each other. When we do talk it is usually for over an hour.
I always feel more guilty about doing anything for myself with hubby than with the kiddos. They really use the guilt trip thing on us. Even if they have been off w/ their friends all week.
Is this just a one-time Mother-figure fling or do you see it as a maternal affair?
Hah! The oul guilt trip hen. You would have thought that the pair of us would have gotten over it all by now.
Will we ever learn?
guilt is a fucker alright and all the whiskey in the world cant suppress it….I know from bitter experience…
I have another mother here too. Despite the fact she’s only 5 years older than me, she’s quite something and seems to have adopted me in a way. She shares my crafty and cooking interests and is teaching me the ropes mother-style about how to cook a proper cake and where to buy the freshest meats, all the time wooing my kids in a manner that Aunt Bee would envy. She gathered us all around the other day (after we just completed a 2-day project making real gingerbread houses with the kids) and told us the tale of Hansel and Gretel – took a half hour. Do you think I’m going to tell my Mom about it? I hear ya.
gnu – i’m an ‘a-daughterer’?
stephanie – oh, if i told her the amazing food we ate? breakfast dishes prepared lovingly in advance by my friends, sumptuous meals? she’d cry… it might make me feel better to share the details? but i’m afraid it would only add to her pain.
renalfailure – yeah. seems to be canceled out by testosterone…
nursemyra – i’m going to try to remember this, and find completely NEW ways to torment my children…
alljoedirt – i’m generally pretty good about not feeling guilty. this one snuck up on me a bit…
archie – so wait, i’m STILL gonna feel guilty when i’m old if i don’t call my kids?
hisqueen – that’s healthy. and i hope that’s how it is for me and my sprogs when i’m old…
unclekeith – oh, i want to be with them. i enjoy their company. they just “get me”, you know?
jimmy – i know better. rational brain says “bullshit”. i should listen to that one…
manuel – i try to live life so that there will be no regrets. guilt is that ‘warning’ flag that usually gets my attention. damn it.
mstngsal – so. has your surrogate mom ever considered adopting two daughters at once? hypothetically speaking, of course…
sooo feeling ya’…. I see any contact with my mom as a chore, which makes me feel guilty for not appreciating her while she’s still around. and, after 20 years, I’m still far closer to my ex’s mom than my own, which my mother knows nothing about, adding more guilt.
however, I’ve become very good at shooing away guilt and saying, “FU you’re lucky I still give you my phone #”…in my head.
@ df, ‘fraid so. This is the life lesson I have learned in the past twenty years since the little rotters began leaving home.
jenuine – i’ve gotten pretty bad about checking in with mom. they ask advice, i offer, it is rejected. so i could still hang out… but it’s just hard to watch the train wreck preparations… nice that you’ve stayed connected to your ex mother-in-law!
archie – you are a wise man. maybe i’ll just put a GPS tag in my ass so they can track my whereabouts from the interwebz…
I’m not sure guilt isn’t a biological glitch of some sort. Must be, cuz if you take the right meds, guilt just floats away.
fragrant liar – that’s it. i need drugs!