Ladeeeeeez and gentlemen….

"Meow", bitches...
“Meow”, bitches…
Last night, i attended a local event that is pretty much the annual throw-down bash of the year.  It’s a fundraiser for the local AIDS Resource organization, and the best halloween event ever.  Several hundred people show up, and these folks know how to play. 

Masks are required.  The cool kids know to paint them on, because attempting to throw down for five hours with a plastic mask on your face just sucks.  The venue is typically an abandoned warehouse or loft space, done up with lights and theatrical props. 

Live entertainment includes fire-throwers, acrobats and the nationally recognized drag troupe…  Servers and hired dancers are wearing nearly nothing but body paint.  Never mind the entertainment of the crowd – these are people who take their costuming very seriously.

There are still over 55,000 new HIV infections in the US every year.  It’s not a problem that has been solved.  The fact that this is a highly successful fundraising event for something that matters?  Extra damn cool…  One of my friends, DK, has become a ticket ambassador, and her enthusiasm for this event is truly contagious. 

This years theme?  1930’s circus sideshow.  There were seven of us attending as our own ‘troupe’.  Pre-party and masque painting at my place before gametime.  After spending most of today recovering from tearin’ it up last night, some random thoughts…

 – Mask painting, costuming pre-party at my place from 6-8pm.  The dog was covered in glitter.  i was so fragged from trying to get everything done in the afternoon, i’d missed his walk – so he added to the artistic decor by painting a lovely wet sketch on my carpet.  Swirling and twirling around as the poor mutt attempted to hold it…  i couldn’t be mad.  My fault for not taking him out…

– DK had ‘hired’ a designated driver.  A young friend from the theater who is temporarily unemployed was hired to drive us there in her minivan.  So naturally, we are on our way to the party, in a family minivan.  And what’s the soundtrack?  Why “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-a-long Blog“, that’s what… Nowhere on earth could i have been in such a situation – costumed gaggle of festive humans, in a minivan, singing silly songs while stashing glow sticks in their undergarments.

– My ‘statistically significant other’ and i went as the Liontamer and his Lioness.  My children pointed out there wasn’t much sparkly gold clothing in the 1930’s, i was covered from head to toe in gold.  The costume was home made, and it was my intention to make the drag queens weep with envy.  i think i succeeded.  Until i dropped my 4″ sandals at the “coat check” at 11:00pm.  No way i was going to last another 3 or more hours…

– When my daughter came upstairs to assist with the group photoshoot, her words were “Holy shit, my mother looks like a hooker”.  i have achieved…. something…. not entirely sure what….

– Naturally, i was on a leash.  It was nearly impossible to find a gold dog collar and leash.  We tried every pet store in the area.  Until it hit me – “Where do you get such gear for your dog? WalMart!”  Success.  Oh, and it couldn’t be a retractable leash.  That would have been degrading… and no “monkey backpack” toddler leash… Geez… i have standards… 

– The leash proved challenging.  If my friend was off to the men’s room, he’d hand the leash off to someone else.  There was another ‘cat woman’ character there, and she felt compelled to ‘release’ me when she saw me.  A few years ago, if anyone had told me that i’d be perfectly happy being walked on a leash, while wearing 4″ gold stiletto ‘fuck me’ shoes and a gold afro in public at 47 years of age?  Ok…  i might have believed them.  i’ve always had a flair for drag-queen dramatics.

– Highlight of the evening, without question, was being invited onto a dance podium with a gorgeous young ‘tiger boy’.  Oh, shit.  We had fun.  Not that i’m an exhibitionist, mind you…. At one point, i told him, “Baby, i’m old enough to be your mother”.  Not missing a beat he said “Honey, you’re waaaaaay hotter than my mom” and proceeded to dry hump me.  There might be video.  It won’t be posted on facebook. 

For your amusement, a few pics….

he invited me up.  i have witnesses.

he invited me up. i have witnesses.

i was wrong.  there IS a heaven...

i was wrong. there IS a heaven...


oh, to have been born of different genetics....

oh, to have been born of different genetics....

28 thoughts on “Ladeeeeeez and gentlemen….

  1. i knew i liked y’all for a reason, sugar! y’all are a peach! xoxoxox

    (seriously, thanks for the good words and support. i remembered everything you said and it got me through that morning.)

  2. savannah – fingers still crossed for good news for you! thanks again for stopping by!

    newscoma – it’s just nice to be able to get lost… very few things can distract me to exclusion, and this party (the dancing in particular) can consume me for many hours…

    jimmy – sometimes i wonder…. how badly are my kids fucked up because i’m so far ‘out there’? would they have fared better with a more traditional female role model?

    beth – it had been a long and trying week…. life…. so this throw down was very necessary and welcomed!

    alex – a saddle…. A SADDLE! brilliant… depending on the theme for next year, i’ll have to figure out a way to involve a saddle… the riding crop sure was fun!

    nursemyra – you would have enjoyed the costumes — both the ones painted on the performers and some of the attendees… oh, and there were some spectacular drag queens… i am SUCH a hag….

    tigereyesal – there is always this nagging feeling that ‘i’m too old…’. but then i stomp on that feeling with my 4″ heels and say “SHUT UP, STUPID FEELING!” and get on with the festivities… there was a gal there about 70 years old. rockin’ out in a gorgeous white corset and hot pants – and she looked fantastic!

    silverstar – the nice thing about the shoes? you don’t REALLY need to walk in them… they can be worn as accessories and you can remain completely horizontal if you choose… just a thought 😉

  3. meow…very nice…but shouldn’t it have been reversed and you as the lion tamer..
    riding crop to the clown…very hilarious..
    glad you had a blast. don’t worry.. the kids are better off in life for the nontraditional parent. Makes them feel more able to make any choice, no matter how off the wall it may seem. After all mom may have already done that and have some good advice.

  4. chris – it was a hoot! rarely are we afforded such opportunites to just play… and play hard… and without much adult supervision?

    archie – bottled? it would be top shelf gin… that’s the best party booze, isn’t it?

    unbearable banishment – the arts community is very involved in this ‘production’, so the theme is well considered and kept secret until a few months before… ecstasy? no idea, but i wouldn’t take a drug manufactured by goons… 3rd weekend in october. get here next year, and we’ll treat you right…

    gnu – i’ve got at least 20 years on the little kitties… i think they were drawn to me in a maternal fashion…

    hisqueen – no doubt, the ‘turnabout’ approach will have to be considered for next year. depending on the theme, it’s definitely possible! and my kids are immune to embarassment. i gave them that, anyway…

    annie – i always wanted to do a ‘haunted house’ project… my brother did them, and the timing just never worked out for me… seems as though they don’t do it as big in canada?

    littlefish – make your own party. that’s my motto…. well, one of them, anyway. this one? didn’t need a whole lot of help. if you ever wander out towards the midwest? lemme know. we’ll go out to play!

    renalfailure – i think i met tina the lesbian, avonia the wiccan pimp, ninja vicki, samauri kathy and a few other residents of your neighborhood. except The Wheatleys. they were cowering under their sofa, sacrificing gay gerbils in fear…

    manuel – oh, if i could get paid to be a party girl? why are the perfect bodies wasted on the celebutards like kardashian and hilton?

    lynn – my guess is that we’d tear down a place… meow indeed!

  5. spinach pie – i’m hoping to get over to visit with the dear nursemyra someday, and am looking forward to meeting her partner in ‘corset crime’!

    michael – oh, there were wild things. talk about a rumpus? wooo-hooo!

    stephanie – best party i’ve attended in recent memory. and i’m a professional party girl…

  6. squirrelqueen – you’d be amazed at the power delivered via a gold glitter afro wig… i was a superkitty! i could change the world! too damn bad the music was that good, cuz i just danced all night instead…

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