There is a unique state occasionally achieved when very drunk. Knowing that you are incapacitated, feeling poisoned from the alcohol, room spinning slightly. Not quite so far gone that you are passed out, incoherent and unaware. The start of the purge… when you are just about to get sick, and the poison is making serious travel arrangements to vacate your body.
Hugging the toilet.
As the toxins convene in your gut, mixing merrily with all of the poor food choices you’ve made for the last several hours, you know you’re about to get an encore presentation of everything recently consumed. You wait. Wanting it to be done. Knowing that as miserable as it feels to be hoarking up the contents of your digestive tract, that you’ll feel so much better once it’s gone.
You wait for the first wave. Disgust and relief.
“Is that it?”
Hardly. There’s a lot more. A few quick rounds, then you drop into a zen-like state… the waves come and go. More relief. Wanting it to be over, but knowing there’s more. You amuse yourself with the game of “hey… what was that? did i eat that today or yesterday?” Followed by “damn, i need to chew my food better…”. Forensics of the most base kind…
Eventually, you curl up on the floor. Not quite ready for the comfort of the bed, fearing that there’s more poison still in your gut, fucking with you. Maybe grabbing a towel off the rack for a pillow and a little warmth on the cold floor. And you wait. Maybe you doze… but there’s always another round.
Finally, it’s out. Maybe there’s more, but the need to regain normalcy overrides the queasiness. You stand on wobbly legs to get back in your bed and sleep it off so you can get on with the responsibilities of tomorrow. This is now more compelling than the need to purge. So you suck it up, put a trash can by the bed and declare yourself detoxified. And you try to sleep it off…
Since my weekend with the family, there i am. Curled up on the floor, waiting for more to come up. Just three hours on a patio – conversing with my sister, brother and niece – has dislodged some of the more toxic items in my memory bank.
More to come, but i’ve got to get to rehearsal…