Mid-week roundup

Short ‘scores and highlights’ reel as i head out to rehearsal…

Geriatric Camping:  Mom’s doing ok with the pacemaker.  Because there was some risk associated with the pacemaker installation, my niece, DQ, set up a bed in her living room, and brought Mom there after she was released from the hospital.  It was to be for a couple days until Mom was strong enough to go home.  Mom seems to be making herself at home, and is showing no interest in going back to her own trailer next door.  With a blood clot in her leg, DQ is now injecting coumadin into Mom’s gut twice a day.  DQ’s earning every bit of it this week… Sweet Wounded Jesus, i’m glad i live 60 miles away.

Desire To Do Bodily harm:  This week, i’m being subjected to that special torment known as “mandatory training”.  Once again, the powers that own my fucking professional soul have shipped me to unnecessary classes, to learn about things that either:
     a) i’ve been doing competently for decades
     b) i’ll never do for the rest of my career

The class is populated by a smattering of engineers – young and enthusiastic, as well as old and crusty.  A few accounting types are there to make sure that no numerical exercise can be executed in under 10 minutes. The elder-managers, however, have caused the most pain and suffering. By mid-week, one arrogant assjacket has eaten up too many hours telling warstories and sharing useless trivia – none of which is going to be on the test.  On the bright side?  We’re all bonding over our desire to kill him for the greater good.  There’s team building and then there’s Team Building.  Blowhard McFucknugget may go down before the end of class on Friday. If he never returned from the morning cookie break, i don’t think it would be reported…

Desire to Do Bodily Harm, Part 2:  Rehearsals are going pretty well, but managing my anger and stress are my greatest acting achievement.  The Diva continues to annoy.  This week, she took it to a new level.  AU, my little trailer park sister, and i are both enjoying the choreography – even though it’s not easy, it’s a riot!  How often in life do you have an opportunity to dance with a fucking toilet brush? 

The Diva, however, continues to throw mini-tantrums at every choreography session, demanding special treatment, stating that she simply won’t be able to do it, whining like an abandoned puppy about how complicated it is… oh, and the hot flashes?  She is menopausal.  Boo Fucking Hoo!  

Earlier this week, AU borrowed my script to combine my notes with hers.  The Diva, seeing AU working hard between numbers to capture the dance story, said loudly “AU’s going to write down all the dance moves in words I can understand, aren’t you?”  AU dropped her with a 1,000 yard stare and said “I’m going to put this together for myself.  I guess I could print you a copy.”  More choreography tonight.  i may have to remind her “excuses are like assholes… everyone’s got one”…

Deliberate Attempts to Harm Your Own Body:  Results from last weekend’s Demolition Derby.  RJ managed to finish both nights of the Derby, placing 2nd in the final tourney.  The car was a champ, and RJ was able to contain his colon.  He apparently loved the adventure, and will be back next year as an automotive gladiator.  Who knows… maybe if he takes enough hits, it’ll knock the Tourette’s out of him…

13 thoughts on “Mid-week roundup

  1. I hate those fucking guys that go on and on about ancient bull shit that was old before my testicles descended. They just make the classes unbearable! I can’t figure them out, unless it’s their desire to assure the instructor that, “I already know all this shit, but all these fucktards in here need the help.”

    Christ, I just want to grab those guys and jab my thumbs into their eye sockets and keep squeezing and squeezing and squeezing and squeezing till all this brownish-yellowish goo pours from every orifice on their head.

  2. “old and crusty”: That’s me. Don’t know how I got that way, but there I am.

    Did you know that you could “sharpen” the end of that toilet bowl brush into a kind of shiv? Be one way to take care of the diva. Just sayin’.

  3. I “loved” mandatory training. Loved sitting in it, love doing it for everybody else every year. Definitely NOT. War stories would have helped the situations I was in. *sigh* Wonder if seven hours of AIDS training is still required to get a license in this state. Not renewing mine just to find out.

    I echo Rob’s suggestion re: The Diva. And if it can be a used one, so much the better.

  4. What an amazingly eclectic gaggle of human blogging material you have about you! I always find the eejits of any gathering to be facinating, especially when deep down I know that at some stage I’ll be writing about them.

  5. love the diva stories – i really think you should watch the pilot for ‘glee’ if you get a chance. maybe with your trailer park little sister?

    read this the other day, and i think it relates to your meetings from hell:

    1. Denial (”Maybe I’ll learn something!”)

    2. Boredom

    3. Horniness (Fantasies stemming solely from boredom, it’s not like the streamlining of workflow processes gets me hot or anything)

    4. Despair (”Everything is shit, I have no future”)

    5. Fatigue (Fantasies shift from sex scenes to nap scenes)

    (it’s from mimismartypants, over at: http://mimismartypants.com/)

  6. uncle keith – there was a tag team effort to pinch him off like a turdloaf this morning. someone at his table was distracting him for the greater good. extra cookies for the sacrificial lamb…

    unbearable banishment – it’s coming along pretty well. except for Her, everyone is generally pulling his or her own weight. biggest surprise for me is the complexity and fun of the choreography, but i’m groovin’ on that. my dream to be a Doo Wop girl is coming to fruition! not likely to tape – not allowable under the licensing rules… 😦

    rob – me too. sneaks up on ya, don’t it? like the toilet brush shiv… if i had more down time during the show i could sit backstage, cigarette in my mouth, slowly and deliberately filing my prop down to make it a weapon. when she looks at me askance? just drop my favorite family line on her “What-r you lookin’ at, shithead?”

    silverstar – i’m spending my time well, doing choreography in my head and thinking through the ‘to do’ list. and when it gets bad? i calculate how much i’m getting paid… it helps… there are worse things.

    jimmy – in general, i enjoy studying people. eejits threaten my levels of tolerance after awhile. i just wish i didn’t have so many ‘fascinating subjects’ in my immediate family….

    alex – i’m not home much. just to sleep, grab yogurt, change clothes and faff about on the interwebs… i moved in about a year ago and haven’t fully unpacked, haven’t finished arranging things, and have lots of shit still sitting on the floor…

    daisymae – i love this! This covers my days – monday, optimistic. tuesday – lots of trying to stay awake. wednesday – looking at the gents in the room and finding body shapes/styles that remind me of former lovers, then going down that rabbit hole a bit. thursday – i’m ready to kill something… tomorrow? expect i’ll be sleepy…

  7. the best thing to do with the Diva is to kick her sorry ass all across the stage with a spectacular performance. and sounds as if that’s exactly the plan.

    …and glad the mom is doing well-er.

    and the class? suck it up. you’re about 15 of those behind me. lucky that you could just geek it up to get where you are….

  8. renalfailure – she somehow got confused wednesday night and didn’t go to dance rehearsal. blamed it on a mixed message from the director. he’s getting fed up with her bullshit. six weeks to go, and i’m considering options. as in, getting a friend to practice the part in drag. he’d dance better, and certainly try harder…

    gnu – yeah, that’s our plan. shine a spotlight on that lazy-assed diva bitch and hope other directors take note. class is done – despite the loss of an unnecessary 15 minutes of my life to Blowhard in his final swan song presentation. Fucker.

    ~m – sounds like your holiday was spectacular! i’m 3/4 on my blogmate meet ups! three exceeded my expectations and the fourth? well, it was a bit painful for all parties involved…

  9. Pingback: Karma’s a bitch « Trailer Park Refugee

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