Something in the water?

It’s been just a bit over a month in the new job.  Overall?  i’m deliriously happy – mostly because i’m not in my old job.  In fact, i think i could spend my day mucking out horse stalls, feeding suppositories to geriatrics or putting cigarettes out in my own eyeballs and be deliriously happy that i’m not in my old job…

That’s not to say that my new freak squad colleagues aren’t going to be able to get on my tits….

Trapped in my office last week by a very nice man who was seeking program advice, i couldn’t help but notice the rather impressive length of his nose hair.  By the communal coffee pot this morning, i was struck by the ample nasal fur sported by two of my colleagues in the midst of a heated exchange regarding analog-to-digital conversion.  Maybe it was just visible because of the flaring nostrils as they engaged in combat.  This afternoon?  Another fellow stopped by to see how i was adjusting to the new office – standing in my doorway at just the right angle, forcing me to stare right up his booger-holes into a forest of nose bristle…

There are some disadvantages to being surrounded by a fleet of middle-aged men, especially those who pay damn near zero attention to the finer points of personal grooming…

i’m bringing in the jungle bushwhacking gear…  Blechhhh….


26 thoughts on “Something in the water?

  1. Little bits of peach fuzz appearing on my head; tiny sprouts on my arms and legs; even the random chest hair here and there. But on my face? Jesus! I have to shave every day now. And then there’s the nose hair. Did I get hammered one night and snort Miracle Grow? What is it with that? Bigger and better and thicker and blacker than ever. What a treat. But you will be pleased to hear that the first time I noticed it I whipped out the Swiss Army Knife mit der scissors and snipped it all out. Good to go til next week. Or tomorrow.

  2. mstng – “powdered sugar donut day…”? AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! That’d be this friday. i’m going to have to schedule leave…

    utahdaddy – hmmm…. maybe it was the radiation? remember all those movies from the 1950’s, about giant ants, grasshoppers and women in diapers? it was always the radiation! glad that your hair is growing back, although i like the “Mr. Clean” look!

    unbearable banishment – i really don’t know how it can be overlooked… i figure if i can shave my legs every month or so and take the hot wax to the ladywhiskers on my upper lip, they can trim their snouts…

    fragrant liar – i may have to just get out sunglasses. or post “anti-nasal plumage” safety posters around the building….

    renalfailure – not at home, but i’m sure there’s something close at the costume room of the theater. i did get to wear a “cow print” sarong for my role in the last show i did… not the same, though.

    tigereyesal – i’m sure…. i can generally avoid looking at their ears, however. it’s the ‘face to face’ conversation that gets me…

    nursemyra – he obviously did it on purpose. you’d think a mirror would tell the story? are they that laissez-faire about the appearance that they just let it go? do they never wish to get laid? are there women with eyebrow/ear/nosehair fetishes?

  3. DP – plucking them is a form of self-abuse! taking out a nose hair is a stage trick, guaranteed to make you cry! why not just use a really sharp knife?

    uncle keith – the gal who handles my waxology says she WILL do ears/nosehair. lasts a long, long time…

    casey – she’s going to turn him into a pair of matching pumps and a purse…

    archie – the plucking would be terrible… but the females of the planet appreciate your willingness to suffer!

    rob – sneezing? that could be dangerous if you use pointy tweezers! hope you’re feeling better!

    alex – yes. yes, i DO want to take away any form of character that is based on excessive facial fur… especially the fur that billows from orifices…

    silverstar – great idea! i suppose i could play ‘secret santa’ and put the nose trimmers in selected mailboxes over the holidays? i’m no longer supervisory, so should be no trouble!

  4. Not to be serious about this, but my wife (who makes sure to point out any sprouts I may miss) and I have discussed this at some length, and our leading hypothesis is that this is an unfortunate interaction of two afflictions of middle age: “I’ve got hair growing out of my what?!” and “can’t see shit up close anymore” disease. This also explains the inch long stray whiskers sported by some of my colleagues.

    Now I keep a pair of readling glasses near the sink in the bathroom.

  5. chris – orifice hair IS a serious topic. in fact, i believe there is consideration of an “Orifice Hair” cable television network in the not too distant future… hadn’t thought about the ‘failing eyesight complimenting growing orifice hair’ angle… it’s cruel… nature is nothing if not cruel… thanks for grooming. we appreciate it!

    uncle keith – you read that properly, then…

    mstng – with a hidden video camera?

  6. Heh, the Scot & Irish blood running through my veins means I am blessed with crazy thick hair upon my head & cursed with WTF hair in other places. If I don’t avoid getting a chill right after shaving my legs, that leg hair is Back within minutes. I’ve tried to politely explain to my forearms that long-stick-straight-up hair isn’t needed b/c I live in the South and rarely need hairy protection from below 50 degree temps. My chin doesn’t even listen when I point out that chins don’t need eyebrows. My eyebrows want to grow beyond my temples so they can chat with my ears. Really,they don’t have much to talk about.

  7. morgan – welcome, and thanks for the linky love! a nose hair coat? fuck, i’ve got enough source material to open a factory… we could weave this shit by the yard…. aaaaaaaaaaargh!

  8. steve – welcome to the park as well… i suppose if my work compatriots groomed their snot substrates, i wouldn’t be quite so angry. always had a thing for dreads….

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