At 19, i’d just completed my freshman year in engineering.  i was – to put it mildly – an underqualified wet-behind-the-ears doofus when i first walked though the doors of my current employer.  Upon graduation, rather than look for an actual job, i stayed on, accepting the perfectly adequate offer dropped unceremoniously at my feet. 

i grew up there.  Starting as a lab rat, washing expensive samples down the drain, meeting my husband in the laser test cells, graduating, breeding, making it through graduate school while working full time, stumbling and fumbling my way up the career ladder.  Over the course of 27 years, i’ve done virtually every job the organization offers to technical staff members – from “ground pounding experiment grunt” to management and strategic planning.

They were good to me.  Granted, i worked hard for most of that time – the last couple years being the exception.  Time off without pay to stay home with my babies, flexibility to pursue projects on the fringes of plausibility, opportunites to test boundaries and freedom to do the job in my own style – no one can ever accuse me of being a corporate drone

Today was my last day.  i am DELIRIOUSLY happy!  On Tuesday, i delivered my final product, which was a shotgun blast to the head of the zombie dinosaurs, also known as “F-Troop“.  It’s up to the management folks to behead the corpse and burn the remains to make sure there is no sequel.  It was satisfying to have the last word, in what amounts to a six year argument.  

So, in my fantasy world, this is what i really did on my last day in the office…

Except in my fantasy, the lottery ticket wasn’t a misprint!  For the record, i did utter “suck my big black dick!” as i left the building for the last time… A few of them have truly been “blisters on my taint”.

The door did not hit me in the ass on the way out.  Onward…

24 thoughts on “kthanxbai

  1. Did you really shoot zombie dinosaurs?
    Why would you leave a job that lets you shoot zombie dinosaurs?
    Why would you leave a job with dinosaurs?
    Is it because they are zombies?
    Were you afraid the zombie virus would get out into the real world and cause the final zombie apocalypse?
    What type of dinosaurs were turned into zombies?
    Do CHUDs really exist?
    Have you seen them?
    Do you have a serum that will cause my brain to grow to an enormous size and allow it to perform feats of telekinesis?

    I hope you have fun at your next job. Good luck.

  2. When I drove out of the NAS Lemoore gate for the last time, Keep On Rocking in the Free World happened to come on the radio. I may have left a blue smoking pair of black rubber tracks for about fifty yards after hey let me off. I think I yelled ‘Fuck you!’ over the fence. Because grownups do that.

  3. Lots of frustrations in the last few years, but also a lot of good memories. So, back to the research stuff that first attracted you to science. Try not to get caught in that management dead end again. In fact, now that you have seen it done by experts, become management’s worst nightmare. A lab rat who knows all the corporate answers 😉

  4. I can relate to exactly what you and Casey just said, that is with the exclaimats. The time I quit working for another company and started my own, was a ticket to “working your butt off paradise” by comparison.

    Anyway cngratulations!! Rest up and go experience REAL life that isn’t blended by a 9-5 corporate regime.

    BTW, Aside from my wife saying ‘yes’ to me years ago, I’ve always dreamed I’ll win the lotto…in real dreams.Hasn’t happened yet. I’ll keep you posted…should be anytime in the next 30-40 days according to my rigid measurements.

  5. I’m confused. I knew you had a new job, but I thought it was with the same outfit? Or are you leaving one company behind for another?

    If so, wow. After 27 years. Usually, anyone who’s been in that long just simply, well, retires.

    I bounced around a little and when I took the job with the current employer, the longest I’d been at any one place was 3 1/2 years. It’s going on fourteen now and…….well, I’ve definitely gotten stale.

    Kudos to you and all the best in your new adventure. Here’s hoping it’s more fun and less work. And remember, “Work to Live” (and not vice versa.)

  6. Whoot! Whoot! Throw yo hands in the Ayer! Wave ’em like ya just don’t cayer! ‘Cause you don’t. Are you dancing around the palace again tonight? If so, fill us in on your soundtrack.

  7. beth – there is something almost orgasmic about a completely clean desk, empty in-box and no pending ‘suspensed items’… w00t indeed!

    uncle keith – yes. the dinosaurs are zombies. t-virus contained, for now. there are dinosaurs in the new job, but since they are new dinosaurs, i’m happy. they seem less virulent. we don’t have sewers, so i’m not sure abou CHUD. will investigate and report…

    tysdaddy – then i’m doubly happy! that’s my fav Reno 911 clip…

    casey – i did a bit worse than that. i’m a grownup. future blog post about my ridiculous behavior at the “mentoring program graduation” may happen…

    archie – EXACTLY! oh, but it’s even worse than that… i was part of a management team that fired someone. i worked some obscene supervisory problems as a manager. i know what it takes to fire someone. i am BULLETPROOF!

    kevinjohn – thanks much! i’m pretty jazzed – going from one mess to another, but there’s something hopeful about a new mess. i will be able to have more impact because they don’t have notch filters tuned to my vocal frequency. yet.

    unbearable banishment – congratulations – esque. the hardest part of your circumstances is that they work you so hard that you have no time to look for a different job. but benefits is benefits, so that helps!

    rob – it’s within the same larger organization (BIIIIIIIG thing) but a completely new director, mgt team, mission and product focus… so it’s a fresh start without giving up my retirement benefits (pension, not tied to an IRA, market, etc). fresh start, no lost of ‘vestements’….

    mstng – oh, yeah. just back from my unofficial ‘farewell’ party… ouch. at the local biker bar, drinkin’ PBR in cans and Bud Light Longnecks while singing karaoke with the unwashed masses. made me very happy… and i got pimped by the karaoke DJ when he found out i was single. free beer? you betcha!

  8. I looked at the title to this post earlier and spent 15 very drunken minutes trying to work out what the word kthanxbai was all about.

    Never blog after a heavy liquid lunch. Damn you girl!

  9. silverstar – i left “A.M.F.” on the sign out board – which is shorthand for “Adios, Motherfuckers!”

    nursemyra – it’s a funny show, sometimes. a bit hit or miss… and yes, i’m outta there!

    tNb – not all that brave… there’s a massive safety net through my occupational ‘tenure’. makes it easier to let go of one trapeze and await the next…

    jimmy – i wrote it when i was marginally functional. and had to google it to make sure i spelled it properly. sorry to mess with your impaired brain cells!

    fragrant liar – yes, it DOES feel a bit like a divorce… maybe it was my big black dick that they’ve been afraid of all these years?

  10. Oooh it feels so good to leave. I wanted go get a blistering last word in with management and a certain asshole around the corner. It would have felt so good but I left the office all smiles and waited until I was off the lift to start tearing into ppl. Congrats!

  11. Oh my god, you must be absolutely thrilled!! I love fresh starts and am SOOOO excited for you!!! A whole new crew you’ll get to dazzle with your brilliance, beauty and charm!! (and hopefully there’ll be a few that dazzle you too!)

    Wicked Congrats!!!

  12. Bb – not known for my mushiness, cudliness or any ‘-iness’ to tell you the truth. unless it’s ‘crunchiness’. i got that going on…

    dave – if i weren’t damn near bulletproof, i’d have been much more polite. i was nice enough. but blunt. and didn’t shout or squeal my tires going out the door….

    amber – a clean desk, fresh start is like crack! i should do this every few years until i’m retired! first day in the new digs was SHEER JOY!

  13. I had a similar situation straight out of school and ended up staying 13 years. That’s nothing compared to your 27, but enough to know that it gets even better when you realize you’re no longer the one who knows where the bodies are buried. And they don’t remember you as the fresh out of school idiot who flushed the H1N1 sample into the sewer. Congratulations, and good luck.

  14. chris – for a very long time, there was a hiring freeze, so i stayed “the baby” for almost 10 years! now, there’s a gap in the middle-management folks who SHOULD have been hired during those years… and those of us in that realm? beaten, broken and bruised…

  15. Pingback: Something in the water? « Trailer Park Refugee

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