Blunt Force Trauma

 Another week, another nerd-fest on the road.  Surveying the room — 200+ members of Geek Nation in attendance — i was sitting with my friend SR, a proud member of the Dawg Boyz*.  He noticed my new hair cut…

SR:  You’re looking good!  Nice do..

daisyfae:  i swiped the idea from that hot stripper your wife** hooked me up with on our last adventure in Fort Myers…

SR:  I thought it looked familiar.

We caught up on happenings over the past few months.  He wanted an update on my current crop of boy toys gentlemen friends.  After providing the latest scores and highlights, i mentioned the perpetual restlessness that marks my state of mind.  Scanning the room, i said “Hypothetically, let’s say i wanted to get laid at this meeting…  What do you see?”

SR:  I see that you’ve made a terrible career choice!  Holy shit, that would be like me with a terminal boner in a room full of toothless hags!

He helpfully pointed out a few attractive young post-doctoral research types.  “Naaaaah.  Too young.  i’m looking for a recently divorced professor, a little broken and bitter.  Looking for trouble, not romance!”

SR:  Holy FUCK!  That was me ten years ago!  Where were you then?  We missed the window!

We continued to talk shit and horse around during a particularly off-the-wall presentation.  After the talk, a colleague of SR’s walked up to our table in the back of the room, with the intention to throw a few jabs at the prior presentation.  SR introduced me to this unexpectedly non-dorky gent.

SR:  daisyfae?  Have you met Alex?  Alex?  This is daisyfae.  She’s trying to get laid…


* This is a small, but enthusiastic, troupe of drunken yabs who lead our little corner of the technical community in drinkin’ and whorin’ excursions.

** SR’s wife, GR, is the only other female member of the Dawg Boyz.  She can hold her own.  The last excursion – which she led – was a mere two months after she shelled out twins.  i bow down at her altar….

21 thoughts on “Blunt Force Trauma

  1. OMG..really Daisy, that’s how he introduced you? It’s good to have friends who are honest but THAT honest??
    Well, you may as well tell us, was Alex divorced, broken and bitter enough for you to get laid? or did you just do it anyways

  2. “i’m looking for a recently divorced professor, a little broken and bitter. Looking for trouble, not romance!”

    you should date my PI – he fits all of those descriptors.

  3. “Alex? This is daisyfae. She’s trying to get laid…” That’s an Anonymous Doug move, which means it’s pimptastic.

    That’s the sort of introduction you need someone else to make for you, because if you make it yourself it won’t work.

  4. I prefer to be introduced that way. To everyone. No seriously – what happened? It’s like an indie film over hee-ah – all build up, no closure! I gotta know.

  5. hisqueen – we all had a pretty good laugh. and alex? simply shook my hand and said “VERY nice to meet you…” *snort*

    daisymae – maybe take a run at that if i ever get out your way… sounds perfect!

    rob – turns out, alex is an free-range dawg boy, so he found it pretty amusing….

    renalfailure – exactly! my friend was doing me a huge favor! to say it myself? pathetic. simply pathetic…

    pickles – you’ll have to wait for it to show up on the independent film channel, baby! sorry! i don’t ‘handshake and tell’…

  6. i fall on the “i wish my friends would introduce me that way” so i don’t have to do it myself side, doesn’t sound as good when i say, hi i’m El Kono and trying to get laid, preferably in the pub bathroom without a lot of talk or non-sense, so like everyone else i want to know… did you?

  7. rassles – yeah. i’m a “geek tease”… everyone should have a hobby…

    silverstar – SR knows me well. and knew that it would just make me laugh (although i believe i may have blushed just a little this time… a rare occurrence!)

    nursemyra – oh, you’d get along well with both SR and his wife! They are two of my favorite humans on the face of the earth!

    Bb – my Dawg Boyz are the shizz….

    gnukid – there are some real doll babies out there! it’s just finding them that’s the challenge! typically, the fun ones find us… the posse expands at every event!

    kono – i’m not sayin’… that’d be no fun, now, would it?

    steve – careful what you ask for!

    archie – thank you! for the freakin’ laugh… *snort*

    silverstar – that’s why we love our archie!

  8. Oh, DaisyFae, that was a great post. Your wit just kills me.
    And hey, I don’t have to know if you got any … figure you did if you liked the bloke. I suspect you’d be hard to resist when you turn on the heat.
    Is it tacky to say that? Gosh, I hope so!

  9. beth – it was SR who was the funny one here. i just reported it! “hard to resist”? not really. i seem to scare men… so many of them like “project women” – the broken, needy types who feed the “knight in shining armor” jones that we all seem to have. Tacky? nah… ok. maybe just a little! 🙂

  10. Pingback: When you just can’t be bothered « Trailer Park Refugee

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s