Parenting is not for sissies

Sitting in the obstetricians office 23 years ago, i was a rabid consumer of ‘parenting’ magazines.  Those soft focus photos of content mothers nursing cherubic infants were like crack… Over the years, wiping the puke from my hair, cleaning up bodily effluents, and managing the blood and guts of child-rearing, i somehow never seemed to have many of those actual ‘soft focus’ moments.

Last night, The Girl and i were both at the homestead, flitting about preparing to go out.  Her, to meet friends for a show.  Me, on another weeknight date.  i was perfectly prepared to swap my work trousers for a pair of jeans, and head out in a blazer and tank top.  Instead, she of the amazing style and fashion sense, dragged me into the walk-in closet for a quick make-over.

In the end, it was a pair of snug jeans and a flattering* blouse.  She raided my shoe closet to finish the ensemble, emerging with a pair of my strappy stilletos.  i’m cringing – ” ‘fuck me sandals’? with jeans?!?!?  Argh….”.  But she convinced me that since the rest of the get up was fairly low key, the shoes would be the proverbial foot-stomper.

Being a bit of a fashion doofus, i was struggling with fastening the clasps.  She offered to help.  As she was helping me get dressed:  “Awww… this is cool!  Just like it will be in the nursing home some day!”

daisyfae:  Not quite.  You’ll have to change my diaper before putting on my ‘fuck me’ shoes…

Your mother wears combat boots... not...

Your mother wears combat boots... not...

* Cleavage exposed.  The Model Year 2007 Bionic Twins were out to play…

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17 thoughts on “Parenting is not for sissies

  1. I just “awwwwed”. Out loud. I don’t know whether it was the soft focus moment. Or the idea of diapers and fuck me shoes, together.

    Probably the last one.

  2. good god woman!! if you break an ankle in those things there won’t be and F*** me time at all. Believe me, did it my self–though just a seriously bad sprain/slightly torn ligament. (and then you will be wearing diapers cause it’s too painful to get up to the bathroom) Even after almost 6 months I still am very weary of wearing heels even though hubby loves them.
    BBUUTTT I really want those ones in the picture.

  3. Your girl helps you get sexy? How quaint.

    My sons just glance at me, roll their eyes and tell me (sarcastically) to pull my pants up higher.
    “Dad, you’ve got a hole in your pants.. Geeeez.”

    “What? A HOLE? Where? Oh.”

    When I get in the old folks home I’m hoping for a few minites of clear thinking where I’m gonna save up an old diaper and lob it at them from across the room.

    Btw, nice gams.

  4. I’ve never referred to stilletos as that, Thigh high boots were always ‘come fuck me boots’. But I don’t they they would match a diaper.

  5. deb – also known as “CFM’s”….

    ginny – we had a good chuckle… still thinking that it’ll be easier to walk in the damn things if i’ve got the walking frame, though!

    tNb – wonder if they make those strappy sandals in an orthopaedic model, perhaps with custome insoles for fallen arches?

    nursemyra – oh, my legs aren’t that good. picked that pic because it’s close to the shoes i was wearing! they are awful cute… and certainly did the job 😉

    WTG – just one beer? 😀

    hisqueen – well, the best thing for a sprain is rest and elevation! if i twist one, i suppose i’ll just have to keep “toes above nose” for a bit!

    uncle keith – god knows, someone needs to!

    kevin – i like the idea of flinging poo at them someday. or at anyone for that matter! i think i want to be THAT old lady… (not my actual legs, by the way….)

    archie – i’m fortunate that we’re able to be fairly open about sex, as well as a variety of topics. i don’t want them to go through life thinking it’s dirty, awful and (WORST OF ALL) a chore that must be endured! sex is life, and should be enjoyed with reckless abandon… well… abandon, anyway!

    alex – thigh high boots and a leaky diaper would be an absolute disaster! at least the sandals can be tossed in the shower and cleaned up if needed!

  6. *shudder*

    Geriatric sex.

    I wanna have it one day, sure.

    But I don’t wanna think about it.

    PS I’m implying later…like when you’re in that old age home, not now. Ok? Just to be clear. ‘kay? Good.

  7. Normally I don’t comprehend pants and sandals, but fuck-me sandals and pants don’t trouble me as much for some reason. The stiletto might take the edge off the open toes.

  8. dolce – hoping that i’m still wired enough to be interested after i hit the big menopause and have to go through it commando (hormone free…). but yeah. won’t be blogging about it, that’s for sure!

    renalfailure – fuckme sandals work with pretty much anything. except perhaps bladder-control undergarments…

    rob – it was for comedic effect. yeah. i plan to hire a hot male nurse to manage my personal care at that point. i shall never subject my children to such activities…

    michael – um… it was effective. very, very effective 😉

  9. You are a better woman than I, Daisy Fae. But I keep wondering where The Girl’s genetic material came from. You are blessed to have her to send you out suitably outfitted to attract the opposite sex.

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