How to keep your audience…

At a recent techie workshop, i was blown away by the brilliance of a professorial dorkboy.  In an inadvertent tactic, the man has trumped every single “hold the audience” maneuver i’ve ever attempted. 

i arrived after a break, and Professor Enthusius J. Flappenheimer* was well into his presentation on… well… something.  Can’t really recall.  Working the crowd in the large auditorium, he had walked forward to address a question from the audience.  He was gesticulating wildly, gray tufts of wild science-dude hair flopping about in agreement.

Giving a rather lengthy answer, the screensaver on his laptop had apparently kicked on, because on the giant screen in the auditorium was a slide show of lovely photographs.  Being late, and generally disinterested in his topic, i kicked back to enjoy the photos – waiting for the next speaker to take the stage.

Ahhh… he’d made a screensaver of vacation pictures!  Trees, mountains, oceans…  But wait?  Was that a topless woman, walking along a tropical beach, holding the hand of a small child?  Holy Ridiculous Fuckup, Batman!  That was his WIFE!

No one in the audience reacted, except my colleague in the next seat.  RN simply said “Boobies?  Did he just flash a picture of his wife’s boobies?”

Dr. Flappenheimer continued to talk…. and eventually his attention returned to his summary slides.  And there was a magic moment when he noticed the screensaver slideshow, dove to reset his charts, and rather quickly wrapped up his presentation.   i suppose it could have been worse…

Hey, you said "go get yer bone..."

Hey, you said "go get yer bone..."

* Not his real name… probably….

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18 thoughts on “How to keep your audience…

  1. AHAHAHAHAHA. That’s hysterical. I got a great chuckle out of that one. I wish I’d been there — at least for that part of the show so I could tell every-freakin’-one I know.

  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    When my father-in-law passed away (#3 – the late wife’s bio father, if you’re keeping score) I was helping my bro-in-law put together a photo slide show for the funeral service. I couldn’t help but notice some of his recent downloads had titles like “amateur ……this” and “amateur ….that”. I didn’t say anything, but I hoped like hell that we didn’t wind up showing porn at his dad’s funeral.

    Thankfully, we didn’t

    Good story daisyfae. As ususal.

  3. Thanks – I needed that laugh. At midnight.
    I see how that could happen. I’m constantly taking topless walks ’round the neighborhood with my young boys whilst my husband shoots pictures.

  4. nursemyra – i might have seen a beaver, but it was the ‘wetlands creature’ variety…

    sledpress – attractive woman, nice body. and about 20 years younger than the good professor.

    fragrant liar – i’ve told this one a few times! i still have a great “naked russian in a hotel” story i need to trot out sometime, but no one will believe that one. need to get my scanner working so i can get the photographic evidence up…

    amber – my mutt is a ‘one way retriever’. he’ll go get something, then keep it… he has yet to drag out anything he shouldn’t at the homestead…

    gnu – clearly, a second (or third) trophy wife. listening to the guy ramble on, and on, and on? i’m thinking he’s got money. there must be something that keeps her hanging around…

    rob – awwww…. showing grampa’s favorite amateur porn at the church? touching. very touching…

    pickles – i think you were still traumatized by your encounter with the “glittered skin blanket” in the locker room. Tylenol PM. if you’re still up.

    silverstar – if you’re me for a week, be sure to get more sleep. i’m a mess by friday… which would be today…. ugh…

    DP – ginormous? nah… that’s about average size, right ladies?

    kyknoord – a happy, festive and therapeutic approach!

  5. A good friend of mine had started dating a new guy. He had a daughter and wanted to show me some pictures of her on his phone. “Just flip through for more” he said. Only I think I flipped the wrong way: I came across a shot of his boning . . . another woman.

    He was a might bit embarrassed, and they didn’t last long . . .

  6. No boobs, thank fuck, but I was on a webex call the other day and was trawling through my files to find the next document and treated the whole meeting to a pic of the Kyknoord’s Zombie. Thank god most had a sense of humour. The rest? Fek ’em.

  7. stephanie – yes, just glad that the good perfessor wasn’t into midget porn…

    unbearable banishment – clearly not intentional. he was mortified when he realized his screensaver kicked in. i wonder if there were better shots further in the line up! that ‘little thing’….just a teaser, of course…

    tysdaddy – reminds me that i need to clear the memory card in my camera! thanks!

    jimmy – and the occasional woman…

    alex – it’s a 1% thing. 99% of the time, they are mind numbing and enough to make you get out the sharps…

    dolce – “kyknoord’s zombie” is going to be the name of my next band. seriously. that’s it…

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