The Boy had a nice late summer walkabout in the nearby wilds of Canada. He encountered some annoyances at his border crossing into Canada, and apparently even greater annoyances on his way back into the US. Earlier this week, i was in a 2nd degree rage* regarding stupid bullshit from TEH STATE BUREAU OF MORONS MOTOR VEHICLES, requiring unnecessary paperwork and resulting in harassment. This led to conversation about Big Brother, Oppression, Stupid Bureaucrats and Asinine Policies and Procedures That Make Your Brain Implode.
He recounted his experience re-entering the USA following his excursion into Canada…
The Boy: I was completely profiled**. Border agent walked alongside my car while i was in line, said “How are you today, sir?” and stuck a card under my windshield wiper, flagging me for “interrogation”.
daisyfae: And you didn’t even say anything that time?
The Boy: Didn’t have to! I just drove by, the next agent waved me into the parking area, and I went inside for questioning. I was the only white guy there – the rest were all Middle Eastern.
daisyfae: Profiling. It’s their first line of defense…
The Boy: What pissed me off was how stupid they were! They had me empty my pockets on a table, then one guy told me to stand with my hands against the wall. One of them starts going through my wallet, so I look over my shoulder to watch – and they tell me to keep my hands and my eyes on the wall. I said “You’re going through my wallet. I’m watching you do it.” Then, the other one starts to pat me down, and tells me to pull my pants up tight. I asked “How can i pull up my pants if my hands are on the wall?” So they got frustrated and confused… assholes.
daisyfae: Running rings around their logic is no way to win friends prior to a butt-probe… You probably won’t even get a “courtesy spit”…
The Boy: Then the guy grabs my balls and says “what’s this?” I said “It’s my balls! What? Is this your first day on the job?”
* One of the vehicles in my fleet of shit-mobiles was “RANDOMLY SELECTED”, and i was required to provide proof of insurance. Annoyed, and quickly scanning the list of documents, i snagged a copy of an insurance statement for that car, mailed it in and promptly forgot about it. Two weeks later, i get a second notice, explaining that the document i sent was an “invoice” for insurance, and not suitable as proof. OK. Fine. THE NEXT FUCKING DAY i got a notice of “SUSPENSION”, stating that if i failed to provide proper documentation within a few days, my driving privileges for that vehicle would be suspended. Yeah – i screwed the pooch, and was happy to fix the mistake, you pig-fucking ass-wipes… how about giving me a few days to get you the right stuff?
** A 20 year old young man, long hair, probably smoking and wearing shades? Traveling alone? OK. i might be a little curious, too. Next time, i suggested he travel in drag as a middle-aged woman. We’re fucking invisible… Another year or so, and i’ll be robbing banks in broad daylight.