If it’s Wednesday? i’m in a conference room, surrounded by science people, trying to drink my weight in coffee to maintain consciousness…

Today’s event took me down a rather unexpected “character study” path… and i’m deeply perplexed. i’m hoping that both of my readers can help shed some light on a vexing phenomenon. i sure as hell can’t figure it out.

Let me start with a fundamental truth:  Humans are animals.  We are just as driven by the biological urges from our little dinosaur brains as any other animal.  This means that males of the species are driven to mate* – and as a result, will make an effort to be attractive to females of the species. 

So for the love of biology, please help me understand WHY an attractive man, a professor who is quite accomplished in his field, isn’t socially backward, and has a bright and engaging personality and a charming sense of humor would PURPOSEFULLY CHOOSE to wear a bow tie?!?!? 

No matter how attractive he is, how smart he may be, or how desperate i might get, there is no conceivable** circumstance where i would willingly exchange body fluids with a man who wears a bow tie with a suit.  To a meeting.  On purpose.   It just SCREAMS “I’ve got Mommy issues”… 

Deal breaker?  Oh, yeah…

Oh Dear, I've been RE-DORKULATED!

Oh Dear, I've been RE-DORKULATED!

* Women are equally driven to mate – despite how it may seem to some of you gents – but we are the “keepers of the egg supply”, and given that we are born with a finite number of eggs, we protect them.  Saving them for potential fertilization by men we perceive to be The Most Powerful Egg Protectors.  Yes.  i am a romantic.  Surprised?

** see what i did there?

27 thoughts on “Re-dorkulation

  1. I see you have a broken image. On your blog, not elsewhere. I’m with Paisley, I can’t see why they wear a suit. Much less some object of apparel that could conceivably be used to strangle them. Good thing they made clip-ons or half the species would be strangled by those who love them. But you haven’t told us the true measure of the dorkitude. Was it hand tied or a clip-on?

  2. paisley – suit jacket, open collar = tolerable. but the bow tie is a mystery…

    annie – i’m STILL laughing over this one… he’s a very, very smart man… and perhaps it’s his way of getting us to look at him. think about him. waste time writing about him…

    silverstar – think i got it fixed. was a wordpress-fart. Professor Frink is up at the trailer park. it is a hand-tied PLAID tie. like a wool-blend or something… UBER-DORKIFICATION…

  3. Note to Self: Leave the bowtie in the car when meeting daisyfae – or tie it around something other than my neck…..

    …. now that’s a conversation piece (see what I did there?)

  4. I dunno. Remember Jeff Goldblum’s character in the remake of “The Fly”? Geena Davis’ character thought he wore the same clothes all the time but it turned out that he just had multiple copies of the same outfit. He didn’t have to waste time figuring out what to wear. That kind of logic always resonated with me.

    I think that really smart people generally can’t be bothered all that much with the whole appearance thing.

    And, contrary to what Annie says, he may just be indifferent.

  5. He’s probably just trying to stand out, or thinks it gives him an ‘edge’. Slap him and tell him otherwise, and tell him he’s giving all us smart guys a bad image.

  6. unbearable banishment – my question is more about ANY WOMAN wanting to be pronged by a bow tied goober? pee wee? at least he was a little creepy to offset the ‘nerd thing’. still would never do him…

    umdalum – leave the bow tie in the car? not enough. leave it in a dumpster. placing it anywhere else ain’t gonna help… unless you want me to point and laugh!

    silverstar – tavis smiley in a bow tie? never seen it…. hmmm…

    rob – the Jeff Goldblum “fly” scientist may be on the brink of an exception – but since he was just a character created by hollywood, i’m not sure it counts. and don’t really smart people still want to get laid?

    alex – depending on what he’s wearing this morning, i may slap him. i have to believe it’s his way of saying “i like to be different”. just saying “i like to be different” about every 10 sentences would be more likely to get him laid, however…

    nursemyra – i think i’ll sit behind him today. great idea… 🙂

  7. he’s expressing his personal sense (or lack thereof) of style and individuality, as far as the suits go, it’s to alert us of his caste, he’s obviously of a higher caste than me cuz i get to wear a horrible uniform thus eliminating any free thinking i may have about my fashion choices, society on the other hand trusts him to make those choices…

  8. umdalum – at least it was high school, not your wedding night!

    kono – i know…definitely making a statement. but that statement is “DORK!” i’m immersed in it again today. yesterday plaid. today paisley. hey. isn’t Plaid Paisley a country singer?

    uncle keith – well if you ever stuck around for breakfast, rather than slinking out in the middle of the night, then perhaps i could accomodate your desires, big guy…

    rob – he’s a funny, funny man…. one worthy of protecting my eggs!

  9. This comment has nothing to do with your blog, but I just wanted to tell you that I miss you and we should totally talk! My book is done (can you believe it!)! I don’t have text messaging. . . .

  10. DP – the ‘nekkid neck’ look is always in style! but when you’re wearing the box? such a tease…

    Dr Stankarific – YOU.FINISHED.THE.BOOK!!!! And the angels sang “Hallelujah!”. Oh. Wait. You’re an atheist… Let’s try “And the Gorgeous Theater Prancing Boyz sang ‘Do Me'”… Thanks for “talking me home” tonight on the long drive! Missed you a bunch!

  11. guys in bow ties appeal to the lonely women who collect doilies and cats… how’s the saying go? “There’s a Jack for every Jill and a seat for every ass?” aw, hell, i’m always mixing my metaphors… shaken, not stirred.

  12. Excellent to have standards, although I’m sure I could stomach a bow tie (imagine Johnny Depp, for example, in a bow tie …). My deal breaker is much more permanent, I’m afraid. Could never date a toe walker. You know, like Ralph Macchio in Karate Kid? Toe walker = deal breaker.

    (… just getting caught up …)

  13. Indiana Jones wore a bowtie while teaching. Of course it was the 1930s/1940s and he is a fictional character, but I’m thinking your guy must believe he is a dashing adventurer.
    I wore a bowtie with a tux on my wedding day (and that worked out pretty well), but otherwise I’ve never owned one.
    The whole bowtie thing seems a bit geeky (of course, so do I, but still…)

  14. gnu – cats and doilies? please tell me that’s not attractive in a woman. i’d heard “an ass for every seat”. wouldn’t mind a little ass myself….

    dolce – no, it didn’t squirt water or jelly, and he’s cute, but no James Bond… agree completely – definitely a Dr. No on the fashion side.

    archie – some things never go out of style! corsets? top of that list! 🙂

    tNb – yes, Johnny Depp could wear a fur loincloth with a plaid suit jacket and bowtie and still be in the “would definitely do” category. but if he walked on his toes? that’s a new one for me, but concur – dealbreaker!

    nm – i’ve never met a toe walker, but if i ever do, suspect i’ll have a compelling urge to jump up and down on their little toe-walking feet. [shudder]

    donstuff – bowtie with a tux? perfectly acceptable! that’s about the only time! It was also a smokin’ hot hollywood Harrison Ford behind the character. In real life he’d probably never be caught dead in one… Don’t get me wrong, i’ve got a soft spot for geeks and nerds! It’s just the “Uber Nerd” TRYING to be EVEN GEEKIER than the other nerds that is brain melting…

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