Breaking and Entering

During the “pack and move” process, i’ve been cautious about burning out the good will of friends… Unlike the days of my youth, where buying pizza and a case of beer would get me from Apartment A to Apartment B, i’ve got too much shit, and have to rely on professionals. 

Trying to “spread the joy”, i’ve taken a selected few up on offers to help – trying to match their skills and interests with things i need done (or things i completely suck at…)

For instance, the garage sale?  Artfully executed by my friend KMD and her delightful Helper Monkeys.  Upon discovering that the moving crew would not transport alcohol, i accepted an offer of help from another friend, RJAK and put her to work packing and moving the wine and liquor collection… and we celebrated with a giant vat of cosmos consumed on my back deck.

ETS has been a friend of mine for 27 years.  We were both engineering co-op students working in the lab, and she was my first coach and mentor on the job.  Almost three decades of mutual support* and adventure**, we’re pretty good at knowing strengths and weaknesses.  So when she offered to help, i suggested the job of unpacking and organizing the kitchen.

When she arrived, there were perhaps a dozen large boxes still untouched in my living room – marked “Kitchen”, “Food”, “Spices” and “Kitchen – Misc”.  We started with a strategy session – recommendations on what to put where, questions about how i cook*** and use the kitchen, and a general ‘game plan’ evolved as we got started.

Ruthlessly throwing things into the trash bin****, or the Goodwill boxes, within three hours (and only one bottle of wine) it was done – and well organized.  Finishing the wine on the deck*****, she was headed home around 10 PM.

Although i didn’t pay attention at the time, ETS must have locked the doorknob on my front door as she unlocked the deadbolt.  After waving goodbye from the end of my walkway, i discovered that i was locked out as she backed out of the driveway!

Barefoot, and in my pajamas, i raced back to her truck – having to smack the right rear quarter panel to get her attention before she drove off!  Back in the driveway, we did a quick triage on options: any windows unlocked?  no.  garage access?  break a window perhaps.  lower door unlocked?  no.  hidden keys?  nope.  maintenance office/emergency line?  i have no idea!  back deck, top floor?  yes.  but no ladder… it’s in the garage.

Quick walk into the dark, wooded area around back – although i wouldn’t walk through one set of shrubbery because i saw a giant spiderweb – we were able to gauge that her 7′ stepladder would likely be just enough to get me up to the railing…

Hopping into her truck, we went 5 min down the road to her house for the ladder, had it in her SUV and were back at my place 10 min after that…  carrying the ladder around back, i was up over the deck railing in a flash, back in the condo, and scooting back down for her to haul the ladder back to her car.  My days as a tree-climbing kid, not to mention marginally skilled juvenile delinquent, came in handy here…

Entire “oh shit i’m locked outta my house” adventure:  under 20 minutes, with 10 minutes of that spent driving. 

it’s cool to have functional friends… but i better get a key stashed out there somewhere so it doesn’t happen again…

* ETS is high a high functioning, independent woman.  i’ll never forget the call i got almost 20 years ago when a water line in the wall of her condo burst, spraying water all over her new furniture.  She was crying, freaked out and had no idea what to do… Showing up shortly thereafter, with two bottles of wine, a tool box and a shop vac, we beat our way through some serious water damage…

** And last year, we did a fairly impulsive jaunt to Iceland for a five day weekend!  She’s the mastermind behind my upcoming trip to South America in October as well!

*** i do cook.  just not often, and mostly when entertaining.  more often?  i distill… given the widespread knowledge of “daisyfae and the jello shot buffet”, i usually am simply asked to bring jello shots to parties… (sigh)

**** ETS:  “Daisyfae – why do you have three open cannisters of oatmeal, 6 bottles of vanilla extract and four cans of baking powder, one of which expired in 1994”

***** Is there a pattern emerging here?  i need to get unpacked soon or i’m going to turn into a fucking drunk…

9 thoughts on “Breaking and Entering

  1. Last week I drove to the train station at 5:40 a.m., got out of my car, locked it, closed the door and turned to see my wallet (with train pass) and briefcase still in the car. Walked home as the sun was coming up (1 mile), got the spare car key, walked back to the train station.

    It’s an epidemic!

  2. There is absolutely nothing wrong with three open cannisters of oatmeal, 6 bottles of vanilla extract and four cans of baking powder, one of which expired in 1994…pah, what do people know about the importance of stuffs.

  3. kyknoord – Her first suggestion was to boost me up along an adjacent privacy fence, getting me to the top of that, where i could perch and step the 4′ up to the upper deck. THAT would have been a “Darwin” moment. Fortunately, we’d only killed one bottle of wine, or i’d have considered it…

    unbearable banishment – cosmic! glad that your situation turned into a “workout” without the need for a locksmith or broken windows!

    annie – seems i’ve done it at least once at every new “homestead”. this time, i’ve got to be more careful as my back up resources are a bit more limited!

    gnu – “Trainable”? Ha! When he wanders off, and i call his name, he’ll simply look up, wag his tail, and go back to sniffing whatever he is happily sniffing at the time… hardly trainable… He is no Grommit…

    alex – i’ll build in a back up system of some sort. like the trapdoor idea. would also work to rid my house of unwanted guests!

    nm – SHE OFFERED to alphabetize, but i said that was too anal-retentive! Hmmm….

    dolce – just the fear that i’m turning into my mother with the ancient foodstuffs! that’s enough to have us filling two trashbags!

    uncle keith – Very skilled, thank you very much! And not just at mounting porch railings, either 😉

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