In the midst of real estate dealings at home and in The Park, not to mention packing and moving, i had a two day business trip thrown in for Wednesday and Thursday of this week. Other than a few blips with a canceled flight, leading to a two hour delay in getting home yesterday, it was fun and sort of nice to get away from the madness at home.
Sitting down with The Girl last night, talking logistics, and sorting schedules, she asked me if i’d heard from The Boy* since he got to Canada. i’d sent him a text message on Wednesday morning, and got a note back that he was having a great time, met some wonderful locals, and was camping. i’d caught him as he was headed out for his morning swim – in the river behind his campsite.
Her instantaneous response stopped me cold: “What if someone stole his cellphone. His body is floating in the river.”
Clutching my heart – while simultaneously laughing my ass off – i was stunned that my optimistic, warm and generally light daughter would ever think of such a dark scenario.
daisyfae: Holy Shit! You’ve been watching too much “true crime” television.
The Girl: Yeah. But can’t you just see the story on 20/20 or Primetime?
So we yucked it up, laughed ourselves silly. And she realized that i was just a bit bothered by the idea that someone had robbed and murdered The Boy, and was keeping the law at bay by replying to his text messages… She offered to text him to check in and reassure me – so i could get to sleep!
The Girl: How is Canada? I’m moving on Saturday. Assume you won’t be back by then.
The Boy: I may be back by then. Had a good time, but ready to come home.
The Girl: That’s cool. Dad, his girlfriend and Mom are going to help move on Sat. Should be interesting. Oh, so i accidentally convinced Mom that you are dead. If you could text me back the name of the brown dog, or something else only you would know, that’d be great.
The Boy: you’ll have to fill me in on that when i’m back. i’ll text her and let her know that i am definitely not dead.
The Girl: you didn’t answer the security question. how do i know it’s really you? What’s the name of the brown dog?
The Boy: Patches, eh?
The Boy (to daisyfae’s phone): I have heard some rumors aboot me being dead, but let me assure you I am very much alive, eh?
daisyfae (to The Boy): If you really ARE The Boy, what magazines are stuck together under your bed?
The Boy: Tranny Truckers Unleashed 2
daisyfae: Yay! It’s really you! You’re ALIVE!
The Boy: LOL, eh?
______
* He’s a good kid. Smart, funny, hard-working… But there have been moments when i worry a great deal about his health, safety and well-being. My mantra: “Keep him alive til he’s twenty-five”. (sigh) The Girl just wanders off around the world, including her solo trip to Morocco last summer, and is headed into Beirut for 3 months. Nope. Nothing scary about that, either…
Trailer Park Refugee 
i so love the relationship you have with your kids.. it is so real…
omg, I laughed at this. which is bad. what if he was being impersonated by a deranged Canuck. they exist you know. mostly on buses however. the boy isn’t traveling by bus at all, right?
Oh come on! He’s in Canada! Not Arkansas! Nothing like that happens up here. Well…except for that crazy dude who killed and decapitated another passenger on a Greyhound outside of Winnipeg…
DAMN! Annie beat me to that one! I’m going to have to hide her Mac…
I would prefer that my daughters are not quite as adventurous as your lot. It’s selfish, I know. How about this one: I hope my daughters are reasonably attractive, but not hot. Studies show that attractive people have an easier time in the world, but having two daughters that are model-perfect can only lead to trouble. Isn’t that awful?
The Girl “accidentally” convinced you? i’m not buying it. she likely inherited your screw with other people’s heads for fun and profit genes…
glad The Boy is safe… i won’t say “…and sound” because that implies he had sanity to begin with and there’s the double whammy of nurture AND nature with his mum.
Tranny Truckers, eh? I don’t think I want to know. I want to know how you know what magazines are stuck together under his bed. I don’t want to even think about what their stuck together with. EWWW!
I know mothers never worry about their spawn, no not much.
I have never said the phrase tranny truckers unleashed 2 to my mother… and I fear that one day I may have to.
at least your son is only reading about tranny truckers. my son once dressed up as one…..
Tranny Truckers Unleashed 2, cool! Stuck together, whoa!
paisley – thanks. i love it too… although there are moments where i can feel my brain cells melting from “too much information” – and as momma dates a bevy of gentlemen friends, i’m sure my kids have the same reaction – i’m glad we’ve got open comms channels…
annie – it was truly funny! realistically, i know the odds of being murdered by strangers are pretty remote. even more remote in Canada (random machete-wielding bus-crazies aside…). Still…
rob – i saw “Bowling for Columbine”! i know that Canadians are a peace-loving, gentle people who don’t lock their doors, don’t own guns and don’t murder wandering young men in the summer. unless they ride buses…
unbearable banishment – a wise parent wishes things that make life easier for his children. but ya know what? it’s the bumpy, crunchy moments that build character and strength. while i want my children to be happy, healthy and have an easy path — the challenge is that if they’ve ridden the merry-go-round all their lives, the moment they run into an obstacle, they won’t be able to deal with it… (sigh). you seem to be a great dad – they’ll be fine!
gnu – she sort of blurted it out, then apologized, and felt bad for messing with the maternal brain space… but there’s that genetic thing for both of them… and i’ve got no one to blame by myself… and the dog. always blame the dog….
silverstar – since we’re packing up the homestead, i’d moved his bed. surprisingly, it was only an old Cosmo magazine and a Chicks and Weed stoner mag that i found in his room while cleaning. And yes, i used rubber gloves….
alex – not something a mother really wants to hear, i’ll admit… break it to her gently. start with “Granny Trannies”… less threatening than Truckers.
nm – i have that to look forward to, i suppose! that’s probably worth some photos… have you thought of doing a double corset friday with your son?
Bb – Hard to believe it’s the same kid who just tried to explain his recent wanderings in Canada to a border guard by bringing up Jack Kerouac’s On The Road… Saying he was paying tribute to the “Beats”… Didn’t get him out of the interrogation room, nor did it help him avoid the pat-down search…
*snort* Your kids give me the best ideas. Mind you, my mother would be on the next plane to whereever, just to check. No sense of humour where dead kids are concerned. Poor moo.
And Trucker Trannies huh? *boggle*
Eh? Sounds like The Boy’s been up in Canada too long, eh? 😉
You know, I’ve heard that bears have a wicked sense of humour…
dolce – i haven’t sent them to your blog. i’m afraid you’d give them ideas too, and i have a hard enough time keeping up with them as it is!
tNb – yep… he picked up a few more choice “canadianisms”, but was irritated by the gramatically incorrect statement ” he was taken to hospital…” by all news reporters.
kyknoord – i would have worried about bears, but they have such a bitch of a time with text messaging….
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