This time, it was The Girl. Usually, it’s her testosterone-laden sibling…
The Girl, in her Sunday night “avoidance of doing what must be done” mode, decided at 9:00 pm to make baklava. Explaining that this is a time consuming exercise, she decided to press on – and was packing up to make a run to the grocery around 9:30 pm. i am preparing for bed, after a very long weekend of drinking, dancing, and drinking-and-dancing. Not to mention bike riding*.
The Girl: Do you need me to pick up anything while i’m at the store?
daisyfae: Yeah – a 12-pack of diet coke would be great.
The Girl: Sure, no problem.
daisyfae: Oh, and could you snag some Preparation H? Meant to stop on the way home, but forgot.
The Girl: NO WAY! I’m not buying that! Never… God…. Can’t you use some of that butt paste stuff we got The Boy as a joke?
daisyfae: That’s for diaper rash. This is different. Man, i’m in pain, here… help the old lady out… [whimpering, shuffling down the hallway in apparent pain]
The Girl: Not happening.
daisyfae: Well, i’ll call The Boy and see if he’ll do it.
The Girl: i’ll get you anything, but that…. God!
daisyfae [talking to The Boy]: Can you stop and get Preparation H for me on the way home?
The Boy: Hell no.
daisyfae: C’mon. i’m trying to see which one of you loves me more…**
* With the run on Saturday, and the ride from the house to the festival downtown on Sunday, i put in at least 40 miles. i’ve done as much as 60 miles on a weekend. The limiting factor is not my legs or cardiovascular health. It’s ass-numbness. Gotta spring for the damn gel seat…
** One of the best things about being the mother of two young adults? Messing with their little heads…
Trailer Park Refugee 
HA! I love this. A mama after my own heart. I hope you finally got your butt paste.
KJ
http://nanadiaries.wordpress.com
http://interminablewriter.wordpress.com
Geez! What’s wrong with Prep H? Tell ’em it’s got shark cartilage in it. It’s not like you were asking them to pick you up some Kotex or anything like that.
How about personal lube. Now there is a true test of how grown up a child is, buying you lube and not batting an eye much less whimpering like little girls.
so when do you remind them that “i popped out your pumpkin sized heads to give you life, giving me these damn ‘roids, and you can’t help your Mama out in her time of need?” ungrateful bastards… [wink]
And to think I missed all of this. *sigh*. Of course, I missed the ‘roids, too.
I’m not one who normally recommends bad behavior to kids … but … For a long time Preparation H was believed to be the item most shoplifted in America’s supermarkets … again … I’m not suggesting …
It’s not like you asked them to apply it. That would have been a true test of love.
Apparently, old Prep H is the best eye cream around. Apparently.
Preparation ‘H’ sounds like it should be something much grander than it is.
hey dolce you beat me to it
KJ – Welcome to The Park! Enjoyed a quick look at The Nanadiaries, and will be back! Yes, buyin’ my own paste. Not even a man on hand at the moment to unload that task on…
rob – They both said that tampons would have been ok. It’s just the suggestion that they had an “old person’s affliction”…
annie – That’s the best! Lube! My next test… and maybe some flavored condoms, too!
gnu – Brilliant! it is their fault, after all. never a problem before i got knocked up 22 years ago…
silverstar – children = ‘roids. oh, i’d be happy to box them up and ship them to the pacific northwest sometime. Just be sure the TV gets “America’s Next Top Model”, and you’ve got 20 lbs of Lunchables on hand…
Practically Joe – really? can you get high from it? does it have some alternate purpose (other than eye cream, see comments below)?
kyknoord – THAT’S next, along with the request for personal lube and condoms… and Momma needs her scratchin’ pole. Come over here and wash my feet, kiddies…
dolce – i tried to explain that to The Girl! It not only shrinks swelling of hemorhoidal tissue, but it’s great for swollen eyes after a night of hard partying!
alex – really. always disappointing when there are no prizes in the box. makes me wonder what happened to Preparations A-G…
nm – tis true! i’ve never used it for that, but hmmm…
Where is the tipping point when messing with their heads will necessitate a trip to the therapist? I am an “old dad”—49 and I have two daughters, 2 and 6. I am flying blind without a manual. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Particularly estrogen tips as I am drowning in a sea of it
When I have to buy anything like that, (for my aging parents, of course, not for me), I drive to a store 25 miles away. That way I usually don’t see anyone I know.
Baklava? Butt paste? Are you greek Daisy?
Obviously the kids aren’t going to the right clubs these days. Prep H is being used to give shirtless male clubbers a more “ripped” look because it supposedly reduces the water right under the skin. And, since I had to visit Wikipedia to get a proper citation, I now know it is also sometimes recommended for after care for new tattoos.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Preparation_H
THE MORE YOU KNOW . . ..
Highly recommend the gel seat. Combined with a pair of bike shorts with some crotch gel sewn it and you’ll be good to go…..
UB – i’m not a good parental model. after a few years of telling my growing children “it’ll come out in therapy when you’re 21”, following a parental directive, they got to the point where they’d finish the sentence for me… best advice? just meet them where they are. do something with them – and if they don’t like that anymore? figure something else out… you’ll be fine!
uk – i had other errands to run last night, and picked up the stuff “for my Mom” at a distant store. sad.
vapour – *snort* nope, half-sicilian, half-redneck. scary combination, but alas, no greek…
imeantno – Ah! You’ve done your homework, as usual! There’s more Butt Paste Trivia here… THE MORE YOU KNOW, indeed!
umdalum – already got the shorts, and that’s what took me from a 20-miler to a 40-miler. gel seat is gonna happen to get me past 60 miles. oh, and “heh, heh, heh… he said ‘crotch gel’ heh, heh, heh…”
No pleasure greater than fucking with your children’s heads, eh, df? heh-heh-heh… 🙂
toby – it’s more than a hobby for me. it’s an honest-to-god calling! 😉 makes ’em tough…
lovely.
painful post to read, but lovely just the same.
Hope your “pain in the ass” is gone by now . . .
~m
~m – much better. back on the bike… and the kids continue to claim that i can’t embarass them, a statement that i consider a direct, in-yer-face-old-lady challenge!
The reason that Prep H was the most popular item shoplifted was because customers were embarrassed when getting to the cash register.
practically joe – THAT makes sense… i was just wondering if it could be boiled down into something that could get you high!