The Wisdom of Youth

Starting to think about packing for my trip to Seville, Spain – where i will spend a week trying to avoid arrest visiting with azahar and nursemyra.   i leave on Wednesday afternoon, which means i’ll start packing that morning.  As a seasoned “road warrior” i know how to get my shit packed* – but for an extended international trip, i will generally put some thought into what i need to bring a few days prior**.

With major weight loss over the past few years, coupled with my deep-rooted hatred of anything that relates to shopping, i realized*** that i have no jeans that actually fit me.  Yesterday, in the middle of a thousand other errands, i stopped at the store to purchase jeans.  Did i mention i despise shopping?  That’s what the internet is for, damn it!

In the dressing room, swearing at the ghost of Levi Strauss, i was tugging on a pair of jeans – somewhere between the high-waisted “Mom” jeans with pleats and elastic at the waist and the low-rise “Muffin Top Generators” that cannot be worn by anyone over the age of 15….  The Girl called.  Doing a bastardized form of one-legged yoga, i took the call since she’d been sick, and we hadn’t talked recently.

Explaining that i was in the midst of picking up some clothes for the trip, she dropped the following:

The Girl:  You need to look cute over while you’re there!  Pack fun clothes!  Bring home a hot Spanish Daddy for me.  [pause] With a hot Spanish son…

* Heh, heh, heh… she said “shit packed”…

** Relax, az– 20 bags of Orville Redenbacher’s Smartpop– plain – procured, and ready to go!   In ziploc bags, of course.  Your popcorn mule stands ready to deliver the goods.  Now, if they ever make this shit illegal, we’ll have to chat – i ain’t swallowing them inside of condoms or anything!  Might get “popped” by the x-ray machine at the airport!

*** i only realized this because a friend called me “satchel britches”, noting that my jeans had enough room in the back for a troupe of performing midgets.  “But i like these jeans! i bought them for $5 at the thrift store a few years ago!…  um… right… guess it’s time, huh?”

15 thoughts on “The Wisdom of Youth

  1. i’ve gone through the commandments i know about and can’t find any that you’ve violated (as implied by your last tag). so, either you’re doing it wrong or you’ve got a faulty set of commandments… either way, enjoy the hell out of the trip!

  2. Way too hot for jeans, honey. I agree with The Girl – pack fun clothes! Light and airy stuff. You’ll also want to pick up an abanico or two while you’re here. I never go anywhere without mine.

  3. silverstar – she is wise beyond her years! between the two of us, it may be a race to see who can collect the most “toys” from around the world!

    gnu – it’s that whole “mother/daughter – father/son” thing that has me confused. gotta violate something, doesn’t it?

    kyknoord – no. i only have an unwashed, bootlegged ferret, carrying illegally downloaded ferret tunes, underage ferret porn and moonshine. think i’m screwed…

    DP – underwear? huh? whazzat?

    az – i’ll be spending a weekend with bob and the boyz in london on my way back… abanico is a must! how fun! can we find a lime green one to go with nursemyra’s barcelona corset?

  4. Bah humbug. Wear what ever you like on your Spanish-stud, Nurse M and Az infested “reading” fest.


    I’ll be at the tapas restaurant down the road, in the rain, trying to get festive in spirit.

    P.S. Details. There must be many and much details. Capische?

  5. nog – Welcome to The Park! It’s nice here – sunny, 75F (27C), blue skies and nice breeze. Unfortunately, the only “wisp of cotton” i own are part of a pair of granny panties, archeological grade, from many years ago. Rats. Must go shopping. twice in the same week? ugh…

    nm – i suppose the leather is a bad plan, huh?

    archie – shall i wear the granny panties on my head, or simply fan myself with them?

    dolce – i’ll see if i can locate my “Sea Monkey” t-shirt. i think it’s cotton. we’ll send pics, details as releasable, and appreciate your long distance sympathy tapas. Perhaps next year, South Africa?

  6. Actually, that post purporting to be from me was actually posted by nursemyra from my computer. The advice is good though. It’s hot here. With a capital H.

  7. Pingback: Travel Prep - Geek-style « Trailer Park Refugee

  8. nog – understood! but appreciate the dual reminder. i’ve located some vague items made of cotton. can generally deal with heat… napping until sundown helps!

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