Donut Magic

It’s been a bumpy week. Sleep has been limited, work/home activities have kept me hopping like a fire walking rabbit on crystal meth*. After a long day in The Park on Tuesday, i had to run two workshops on Wednesday and Thursday (small – room fulla crazies on Wednesday, large – room fulla geeks on Thursday). i was woefully unprepared for both…

But one little bit of preparation for the Thursday event paid big dividends. On my way home from work Wednesday evening, i realized that i had a million other things to do – and wouldn’t be able to condense my excrement into shape for the 3 hour meeting on Thursday. i stopped at the grocery store.

There they were – shimmering under the glare of the fluorescent lighting. Wet, but not wet. They called to me… And what did they say?

“MMMMMmmmm…. Geeks love donuts…..”

Rather than pull an all nighter, preparing for a meeting that i was in no mood to be running, i simply loaded my cart, headed onward to deal with other matters.  i managed to be in bed shortly after midnight. That 5:30 am alarm was a bit early, but playing ‘drag ass’ into the office before 7:00 am, i was able to slap together a workable agenda, print out some shit that made it look like i knew what the hell i was doing, and even put some charts together, just in case the Chief Scientist wanted to say a few words…

The attendees started to trickle in** just before 9:00 am, and had happy little faces when they spied the sugary goodness parked on a table in the back of the room – next to a giant urn of coffee. Not exactly smiles, but that “raised eyebrow of unexpected minor delight” look.

The Chief Scientist liked what i prepared, and presented the information as if he’d personally coughed up every word onto the screen.  So far, so good.  After tasking three unsuspecting (and equally unprepared) tech advisers to lead the “break out” sessions, i headed off to the ladies room, and managed a nice, relaxing “constitutional”***

i spent the rest of the morning wandering around, bullshitting with friends in the hallways as i randomly dropped in on the three groups – well, two of the groups, since i never did figure out where the third one went for their discussions, giving me further excuse to wander the building and bullshit with people in the hallways.

Wrapped things up nicely with reports from all three groups by noon, and was off to the next round of afternoon meetings – hosting visitors who would be giving two seminars.  Since it was short notice, and i’d not personally taken the time to recruit attendees to fill the seats, i did the next best thing…  Put out cookies…

Mmmmmmm...... Eat me......

* yeah. i know. not a great analogy, but it’s been a long fucking week, already! give me a break!

** better that they “trickled in” than “trickled on”. i had an elderly employee who sometimes did that…

***  sorry.  but yes, women actually shit.  not quite the defecation artists that men can be, but sometimes it’s nice to take your time and do it right… not sitting and sorting through the mail, sending e-mail on the ‘berry, or arranging home repairs via telephone.

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17 thoughts on “Donut Magic

  1. I have a “friend” who has once or twice called me during his “constitutional.” I’m glad he lives 100 miles away.
    And that’s exactly how I used to prepare for my presentations. Get the sugar and caffiene done up front, and the rest will take care of itself.

  2. silverstar – i have made appointments while on the throne, but generally just sit there while on ‘hold’. something seriously wrong with that, but i really do hate wasting time…

    ctyri – c’mon. you miss it here… and if i ever get my “parallel lives” mixed up – sort of like the day i did the Xena thing in the office – it’ll be ugly….

    annie – i’ve got a reputation for providing food at seminars. my attendance is usually a little better, but sometimes you can’t hear the person speaking because of all the crunching noises from the back of the room…

    alex – sorry. no leftovers! in general, i prefer to do my excretory business in the privacy of my own shitter. we do have those who enjoy getting paid for it, even blocking the time on Outlook calendars… but an hour? does that include roving the hallways, looking for reading material? seeking just the right stall, with the right ambiance?

  3. I hear donuts and cookies fueled many great discoveries like nuclear weapons, radar, the designated hitter rule, Oprah, and silly putty.

    We need to declare them “National Treasures”. And you seem just the champion to make it happen!

  4. I was traveling on your Xena Day ’06 … but I do recall a strange electricity and hushed whispers around the playground when I returned.

  5. gnu – either donuts and coffee, or contemplative time as brilliant minds, reading “Physics Today”, while they sit and make poo. (we’ve got a guy who heads for the can at 9 am with his copy every day… no one asks to share his copy….)

    ctyri – one year i did it to deliver flowers for the recreational fund on Valentine’s Day. another it was for Halloween…. and then there’s the crazy shit i’d wear when i worked weekends… good thing no one else was there!

  6. nm – i’ll have to write up the story of “Captain Giblets” one of these days. He was 83, and had Alzheimer’s when he retired. It was so sad – but he just didn’t want to stop coming to work… broke my heart, but eventually his wife was granted “guardianship” and retired him immediately.

  7. kyknoord – beats talking on the phone, or just pretending to talk on the phone. i’ve been known to send the occasional e-mail, but i’m just being hyper efficient.

  8. It has always been my opinion that if they started major court hearings with coffee and donuts, everyone would be a lot less antagonistic and we’d finish up in no time.

  9. personally I find it disturbing that people read whilst in the toilet, but yes if the hour does include all the usual rituals of location, reading material, etc etc.

  10. awalkabout – that’s a great idea! i find that it not only fills the room, but is easier to present to an audience that is contentedly chewing on tasty treats!

    alex – tend to agree. do your business, drop your load, and move on!

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