SST to Hell

Father’s Day was always difficult with my ex-husband. As was his birthday, which is also in early June – making it a 2X challenge to figure out what to give him. You see, he is a simple man with uncomplicated needs. Completely non-materialistic. He enjoys his geek paraphernalia, but generally buys what he needs when he needs it.

Every year, it was a struggle for the kids and i to figure out something useful, thoughtful and appropriate*.  Last year, i was off the hook – and the kids managed just fine with books, movies and music.  The Girl was home over the past few days, and we were continuing the discussion of how best to deal with his live-in girlfriend – maintaining peace and harmony – when the subject of Father’s Day came up.

In a moment of evil brilliance, i hit upon the perfect gift for the man who lives with a barking bitch:  Noise Canceling Headphones!  The Girl liked this – and was seriously considering whether they could pull it off with sufficient innocence.  Rather than use a gift as a Pit Bull Teasing Stick, she moved on to other ideas.

Hopefully they won’t revisit the gift idea they’d had for the girlfriend last Christmas – a one-way bus ticket to Detroit!


* The year we divorced, i decided to get him the Mother of all Father’s Day gifts – and somehow managed to find a snow blower. In June.

10 thoughts on “SST to Hell

  1. silverstar – The Girl and i weren’t sure if they could act as though it weren’t intended as an insult – “It’s a gadget, and he sure likes gadgets!”

    kyknoord – Extortion. The gift that keeps on taking.

    DP – brilliant! Do you still play with it?

    dolce – That’s touching… Does it give advice on what sort of leaves not to use for clean up?

  2. Ah, Father’s Day, which until recently meant a day when I thought horrible things about the man who spawned me, is now one of those holidays I celebrate. I’ll actually call my father, and if I’m really on the stick, his card will reach him on time. Can you believe it? Who’da thunk it?

    Daisy, darlin’, you talk a mean game, but when the shit hits that tall, oscillating fan, you’re the first one yelling, “Look out! Shit incoming!” at the top of your lungs. I wouldn’t be surprised if you flew across the room in a noble, but sadly, failed attempt to prevent your Ex-Geek from being decorated with diverse dots of doo. In other words, honey, you’re actually so damn nice it makes me sick. Good soul, and all that rot. Blech!

  3. nm – i was thinking of the poison oak, and poison ivy, but nettles? nettles is bad TP.

    Bb – he’s a great guy, and i sincerely wish him the best. but if he keeps allowing the new gal pal to mess with the brain of my spawn? Hmmm… i like the way you think!

    Ms. Stankalicious – Glad that you’ve re-connected with your dad. You were estranged for a long time – well, you’re-a still-a very estranged-a – and it’s cool that you were able to get the gnarly issues behind you. “decorated with diverse dots of doo” Oh, honey, that’s just lovely…. brings a tear to my eye, it does! i’m not really that nice. i rode over a frog with my bike once… not on purpose, but it was pretty gross.

  4. Pingback: Gifts from my Father « Trailer Park Refugee

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s