Aimless in Annapolis

Wandering the historic district in Annapolis, Maryland prior to the start of a business meeting – mostly to get my blood circulating so i could stay awake through yet another series of unnecessary meetings* – i received a call from The Girl.  It seems the “at fault” driver’s insurance company proposed doing repair with “used” parts.  The Girl wasn’t comfortable making a decision on this without parental consult, so i agreed to weigh in, and perform the magical “Insurance Adjustor – Body Shop” Kabuki dance to get it sorted out…


While weaving amidst tourists, elder-yachtsmen and their wives, Naval Academy Midshipmen on their lunch breaks, i put the cell phone to work, and managed to get the necessary information from the body shop – the issue was that the body shop would not be able to guarantee parts/labor for the repair if the insurance company provided “used” parts. 


On the phone with Mr. Flounder**, the insurance adjustor, i explained that this was unacceptable.  i was informed that The Company would provide guarantee on parts and labor, and he claimed it was written on the repair estimate – although the body shop manager hadn’t noticed that clause.  Inquiring as to the origin of the “used parts”, he said he’d been able to locate a suitable “front end” from the same make/model/year car.  Asking for the serial number, i informed him that i wanted a complete history on the vehicle***.  He replied that the serial number was on the repair estimate, and that i’d be able to do so.


To close the conversation, i just needed to leave him with something to remember me by… and informed him that if there were any issues with either the parts or labor, i’d make sure that the Ghost of Johnny Cochran pays him a visit.  Followed by “Are we clear, Mr. Flounder?”  A confused “Yes, Ma’am”, and i closed it out with a cheery “Great!  Have a Super Day, Mr. Flounder!”


In other words, “If the parts are used, you will be abused!”


From there, I proceeded grab a sidewalk table at an old tavern, ordered some crab balls**** and hot tea for lunch, and set about people watching.  It was only then that I stumbled upon the new City Slogan for Annapolis…


“Annapolis – It’s All White!”


Holy fuck!  Between the gaggles of Aryan school children and the hordes of Stepford wives with freshly botoxed foreheads, i was buried in a sea of “white”… i haven’t seen this many white people since i walked past a Klan Rally and Bake Sale during a business trip to Mississippi*****.


Another day, another town…




* One of those “We’ve always had this workshop, so we’re going to do it every year, regardless of need” old-man, group groping, ankle grabbing, back-slapping cluster fuck meetings.  Appropriate that the meeting is being held in an historic hotel facility.  i suspect some of the dinosaurs attendees were present when the keystones were placed…


** Not his real name, but i like to visualize the faceless people i’m mercilessly badgering negotiating with on the phone.  i pictured this particular gentleman thusly


*** This was “saber rattling” – simply a tactic to let him know that i have done this particular dance a few times, and will not take it quietly up the ass – no lube, no flowers – when dealing with insurance adjustors. 


**** Slightly smaller than crab cakes, crab balls are quite tasty!  Salty, melt-in-your-mouth crabby goodness…


***** Perhaps the Republican National Convention would offer a similar concentration, but i simply can’t imagine a scenario where i’d be in the same neighborhood during that event.

10 thoughts on “Aimless in Annapolis

  1. A) Be glad you never worked in a nursing home, where we were compelled to have the same inservice every year by law.
    B) I had my car repaired by one of those fly-by-night places once. Never knew what a crappy job they did until years later when I wrecked it again. But it was better than the repair my dad did on my other car. I drove for years with a bent, chipped steering wheel where I had smashed my nose like an egg-shell on it. This is the accident I was arrested for. These days I would have been charged with DWI, but the intoxicant was Valium, not alcohol. Not that I haven’t driven on occasion with alcohol in my system, just never got caught.
    C) Perhaps you were just in the wrong place in Annapolis. A tourist once remarked to me that Seattle was certainly white. I knew she just hadn’t ridden the correct buses. I am as likely to hear Russian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Arabic etc. on a bus as I am to hear English.

  2. daisyfae – “You da man!” (and I mean that in a good, non-sexist way)

    I’ve never really had to deal with insurance companies, etc. for collision repairs. I like the way you talked to that adjuster.

    I have the same question as gnukid wrt the crab balls…are they bigger or smaller than chicken balls?

  3. so can we just clarify something for the lusty male readers…. are you saying you will take it up the ass if there are flowers and lube….?

    some of them will probably want to know which flowers

  4. Annapolis, MD – home to the US Naval Academy and the largest amount of seamen per capita in the world. And let’s not forget the sailors too……

  5. gnu – not responsible for “scores”. there were 5 crab balls/serving, therefore, perhaps 2.5 crabs are pissed at me for nibbling their manhood… or crabhood?

    silverstar – A) Couldn’t do it. I’m not a strong enough human to work in a nursing home… the repetitive training? i’m used to that! B) Bent and chipped a steering wheel with your nose? Yikes! That hurt! C) This morning i almost ran over a pack of beautiful multi-colored children. Perhaps on a school trip, but it gave me hope…

    rob – no offense taken! never had a chicken ball – wouldn’t know what to wear? Feathers? – but the crab nuggets were about 1″ diameter. Big, manly crabs…

    DP – you, sir, are not a dinosaur. you cleverly pretend to be, but the fact that you are hopelessly addicted to the interweb shows that you are at least open to some new technology. half these dorks didn’t realize the hotel didn’t have wireless, for BillGatesSake…

    kyknoord – no guarantees? other than that there are none? but what about the 10 year service agreements that are sold for $100 gadgets, which virtually guarantee that they will fall apart in 10 years and one day?

    nm – [ahem] No Comment. My children read this blog and i am unable to afford the therapy sessions that would be required if i provided any comment whatsoever on that particular topic. They are freaked out enough that “Mom goes on Dates?!?!?” – followed by shudders and glassy-eyed stares…

    dolce – i like that! i’ll get a bumpersticker for the shitmobile – “Ball-Melting Babe”. Slightly better than “Castrating Bitch”, which was written in the dirt on my car once by a playful co-worker…

    uncle keith – any and all of the above, delivered by a smokin’ hot gentleman with a sense of humor and high tolerance for twisted women will get my attention. oh, and the flowers are optional… Yes, Annapolis, MD.

    umdalum – Yes, it was incredible! The docks were awash in seamen… i’ve never seen anything quite like it! If they weren’t all 20 years old (no, i’m not a ‘cougar’ ) i’d have had fun with my “Hey Sailor” line…

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