dignity. and the loss thereof…

A conversation from the past.  Almost a decade ago… Dad was well into chemo, fighting the losing battle against colon cancer.

Mom: We need to stop at the store.  Dad needs more diapers.

daisyfae: The are undergarments, Mom.  Please call them undergarments.

Mom: Well, he calls them his diapers… he doesn’t seem to mind.

daisyfae: i don’t care if he names them after jazz singers, or wants to write the days of the week on them with a marker.  They are undergarments.  We should refer to them as undergarments

A losing battle. She never really understood my point.  Perhaps not very important in the big picture.  But it is always worthwhile to fight for the dignity of those you love.

__________

A remarkable story from MdW this triggered another buried memory.  Funny how that works, isn’t it? 

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17 thoughts on “dignity. and the loss thereof…

  1. Thanks for the link to the story on mdw’s page. It was a good one. Sad, but good.

    Triggers for buried memories can come from anywhere and anything. I think it’s good to dig them up and write them down. I think it can be good therapy.

    I hope that writing and remembering this has brought you some peace.

  2. A lot of people I know deal with impending loss by letting go early. I don’t quite understand it, because it’s kind of like missing someone before they are actually gone.

  3. I’m watching my gran battle with losing her dignity. And she was such a refined woman. Even though she was wicked too. In all the best ways. Now she visibly flinches when we visit. She’s hating this. And I hate it for her.

    Isn’t old Mandaloon the best? Man, she’s another of the sisterhood, Dais. She’s the one who’s two beers away from being arrested for indecent exposure, but who’ll sweet talk the cops into letting us go.

  4. There is a beauty in all your tales. And often a moral.

    Thanks for the link to mdw. I have spent some time over there and am now emotionally flaked out. What a writer.

    Now I am thinking about the resurrection thing. At what age are Christians resurrected? Hmmm – maybe I will write something myself – and get into trouble.

    @ Kyknoord, I am one of those who lets go too early. I thought it was just my selfishness in my mid thirties but now I know it is a character flaw – It is fear which causes it.

  5. maybe I shouldn’t visit the link, don’t think I’m up to feeling any more emotionally flaked out right now. just reading the words colon cancer got me all choked up.

    on a lighter note, one of our male patients refers to them as “Kimbies” (is that a brand of baby nappy in other parts of the world apart from oz?). he also prefers to wear a nightshirt instead of pyjamas but calls them “nighties”.

    so we’re constantly getting these calls from a 100 kilo 75 year old vietnam vet asking for help to put on his kimbies and nightie….

  6. Oh my word. This is kind of weird. To come here and find people talking about me. Sheesh.

    Quick. Say something smart.

    Like what?

    Anything.

    Cripes!

    Trust you to let the side down you frigging lah-oo-saher!

    I’m not a performing seal you know.

    That’s what you think.

    Ahem. Um. Thanks for the mention.

    *shuffle*

  7. rob – hacking these morsels up is clearly therapeutic. there’s a lot more. a story of sorts is coming together, and i have a better idea of where i’m going, but it’s still fuzzy. not ‘peace’ yet, but better understanding.

    kyknoord – it was tempting. i had moments of “god, i don’t want to remember him this way…” but logistics and need forced me to drop that quickly.

    dolceii – the blog writing has encouraged discussion with my two sprouts about death and dying- a good thing since these two will potentially have to deal with this on the other side of my life. The Boy will smuggle in the weed, and The Girl is on the hook for a great soundtrack… Oh, and MdW is shit-hot! Indecent exposure? COUNT ME IN! The girls like fresh air!

    archie – MdW rocks my brainspace! And i’m not the one to ask about things “Christian”. My answer would be 33 1/3, but i think that was the speed of those large black things we called “record albums” in an ancient time…

    nm – sorry for the rattle… Kimbies are/were a brand of diaper/nappy at least in the U.S. Part of me recognized that Dad was doing what your Vietnam Vet was doing – processing the situation with dark humor (hey, i got it from somewhere!). So maybe my “position” was as much for myself as for him…

    MdW – You’re not a performing seal? Well, there goes that bit of the legend…

  8. And, still, you seek to keep your Mom’s dignity in her recent heart stuff. I’m presuming she doesn’t see that either. You’re a good daughter, daisyfae, believe it. Thanks for sharing with us…

  9. Reminds me of the struggle to get the nursing assistants to call said garments “briefs”, which is what the manufacturer preferred. And the struggle to get them to put them on properly. Adults have different shaped bodies than babies, and if you don’t do it right, you have saggy drawers, like a two year old.

  10. Pingback: Nurse’s Day, 2008 « Silverstar’s Magical Adventures (and assorted rants)

  11. silverstar – “briefs” is perhaps an easier word… should have thought of that!

    az – nah. ain’t bucking for sainthood. and if i were gonna be a saint? probably “Santa Tequila” would be better…

  12. az – i ended up having too much fun yakkin with my colleague during my 10 hour roadtrip over the past few days. the CD’s will wait… so i’m named after a tequila drink! cool!

  13. Pingback: The Sad Tale of Captain Giblets « Trailer Park Refugee

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