Dragged Mr. Pickles the Wonder Mutt out with me for a walk tonight after work. He’s not good on a leash, and at almost 100 lbs, can knock me over while chasing invisible bunnies and following orders received from his handlers on The Dog Planet.
Rather than the choke collar – which didn’t work, and made the local animal rights people put my face on the “Evil Dog Mommy” posters displayed at the post office – i’ve started using something called “the gentle leader“. This is a head harness that presses on the snout when pulled. He hates this thing. But he loves walks, so once we’re out of the Jeep, he’s forgotten his annoyance and is back to being the Marco Polo of the doggie set…
It was a beautiful evening… and it didn’t seem unreasonable to go out for an hour. At the halfway point Mr. Pickles had other plans. I’d brought a dog water bottle, and as he drank from the spout, he flopped to the ground with an audible plop – effectively telling me he was on strike.
Just as a human can appear to be in good health but have no cardiovasular strength, i suddenly realized that the Couch-Meister was in dire need of a fitness improvement program… yet i was 30 minutes away from the Jeep and had to deal with the immediate problem at hand. Thinking through several possible outcomes, i realized i might need to sling 100 lbs of squirming fur, poo and saliva around my neck to carry him back*.
Fortunately, he recovered enough to make the return trip… and i now have an additional workout buddy. Even though he’s a lean, not-even-close-to-mean, slobberin’ machine, my canine life partner dog is seriously out of shape.
Misery loves company, and Mr. Pickles better get used to evening treks with the old lady. And i’m going to have to get used to seeing this when i get him home…
* Not only would i be slinging the dog around my neck, but i’d be juggling the water bottle (which could have been tucked into my shorts) and the bag of lukewarm poo (which could NOT have been tucked into my shorts).