“Because I have a penis…”

Bike ride tonight after work – part of my attempt to drop the extra pounds, and taking advantage of snippets of spring weather as they appear.  i went riding with my work out buddy – also sharing the weight loss quest.

We are marginally obsessive in our approach to fitness.  We use an online tool for tracking our daily caloric intake, as well as our daily caloric “burn”.  To lose 2 lbs per week, on average, we try to burn 1000 cal/day more than we consume.

After the bike ride tonight – an easy 14 miles, average speed around 12 mph – we stopped at my house to calculate our numbers and compare notes.  In a head to head comparison of our biking expenditures, i became agitated.

You see, for the exact same time/distance, he burned 662 cal (9 cal/minute) vs my 515 cal (7 cal/min).   Yes, i understand that men typically have slightly higher metabolic rates, as they tend to have less body fat.  But when i continued to stew about this, he sighed and said:  “But daisyfae – i have a penis…”*, shrugging and gesturing politely toward his unit.

He didn’t see my shoe flying toward his head…**


* in a prior conversation, i made the unfortunate mistake of telling my late friend of a conversation with The Boy, where he finally ended our disagreement with the statement “oh, that’s right.  You don’t have a penis…” when implying that i wasn’t maintaining logic.

** calories burned throwing shoe? who gives a shit…

14 thoughts on ““Because I have a penis…”

  1. Oh Daisy it’s much easier not to eat. Hey I found brand new ellipticals online for 179$. 40$ for the shipping. I burn 600cals. per hour on one of them. I’ll get ya the link if you’re interested. I’m curious why they have a dollar store price tag. Hrmmm.

  2. You can stay on the elliptical for an hour and not faint from boredom, uw?

    On the bike at my gym it says I only burn 150 calories going 10kms (6 miles) at about 23 kms per hour (14 mph). One of our calculating tools is obviously wrong, daisy.

  3. uw – anorexia is not likely to be in my future. i likes to eat… i’ve got a nice elliptical at home. i hang clothing on it, and use it to hold the TV remotes off the floor… just sort of hate the thing. i like fresh air…

    az – yep. there is a wide discrepancy in ‘metabolic rate’ calculations. the most accurate factor in mass, percentage body fat, heart rate, etc – yesterday, we were even debating Newton’s Law, Force = mass * acceleration (F=ma) to account for the difference – as in, his body mass is about 40 lbs greater than mine, therefore that could be the difference in rates rather then penile ownership…

    kyknoord (who commented via e-mail since his office computer blocks penile commentary): yes, i could have thrown the shoe at the offending part, rather than his head. and then, while he coiled in pain, i could have researched the metabolic rate for lying on the floor, groaning and writhing… next time…

  4. I think y’all are going about this wrong. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve said something like, “BECAUSE you have a penis,” but it was always in a pejorative sense, or in pointing out obvious stupidity, rather than as a laudatory accolade of nature.

  5. toby – i have one. he’ll be coming over for another bike ride tomorrow after work…

    dolceii – i read this comment to The Owner Of The Penis during lunch today. he cringed. thanks… i really like the way you think!

    awalkabout – Yes. i was weak. missed the opportunity! i’ve used “Ah, yes… i forgot. You have an excess of testosterone… that explains why we’re back at square one, doesn’t it?” many times. i’ll go right for the penis next time. Figuratively speaking, of course…

  6. I found another online tool for obsessing about this sort of thing … I think the main thing is that it takes so long to set up that you don’t have any time to eat. It’s interesting, but I don’t think one hour of yoga burns up 500 calories.

  7. dolceii – i agree! it’s so adorable how their dinosaur brains force them to duck and cover to protect the center of their universe…

    az – good site, and yes, to calculate metabloic rate accurately requires good information on weight and body fat percentage (lean bodies burn more than less lean bodies)… this tool shows: Bicycling: 12-14 mph, leisure, moderate – This activity burns approximately – 696 calories per hour for an average, 145-pound person. A little higher. My program shows yoga burns 3 cal / minute…

    (and yes, folks, once i get obsessed, i get obsessed… makes for some really boring dinnertime conversations, doesn’t it?

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