Totally boss…

My boss is great – functional, perceptive, ethical and smart.  Most remarkably, he also has a great sense of humor*.  On the job for just over a year, he has started to figure out what that unpredictable hippy-chick on his staff actually does.  So far, i have apparently passed his initial ROI “pain vs performance” assessment, and i have not been sacked**.

But has he learned to read between the lines?

Boss:  The Director has asked for a Status Update on the Collaboration Workshop.  Have you been able to schedule a meeting with him?  Including the Equivalent Director Across the Street?

daisyfae:  The Equivalent Director has been elusive.  My colleague Across the Street has had great difficulty scheduling meetings.  We’re working it…

Translation:  i haven’t done shit with this since it happened – when the fuck did we do this?  October?  November?  Not only that, but i’ve completely forgotten why we did it in the first place, and suspect that if i spend a few hours rooting around in my e-mail graveyard i can resurrect some message traffic that will provide a necessary clue… without having to ask you to send me something from last year, thus revealing the magnitude of my ineptitude.

Needless to say, my colleagues Across the Street got the call today to provide a “Pre-‘Status Update’ Update” for the Equivalent Director, to bring him up to speed for a meeting that is resting comfortably on two executive calendars for a lunch hour next week. 

Stereo Rectal Extractions In Progress…


* To understand someone, one of the first things i do is figure out what makes him laugh.  The boss passed this test with flying colors – covering the full spectrum from stupid potty humor to toss-off comments requiring intellect and agility to comprehend.  While he doesn’t directly make fun of members of our geek brigade, he has been known to stifle a snort should he overhear a “freak bashing” tirade.

** In any large organization, it can be difficult to fire someone.  Having done time as a supervisor, i am intimately familiar with the process.  It is difficult, can take years, and sucks for all involved.  As part of my professional therapy, i have often explored behaviors and scenarios which would get me fired on the spot.  Screwing a goat by the communal coffee pot?  Not on the list.  i’d simply be sent to counseling.  Probably with the goat….

14 thoughts on “Totally boss…

  1. Bosses are great* – especially ones with the word Director in their title. I know this because I am one.

    * I only say this because it’s true…

  2. Now, you can’t just screw the goat…to get fired you have to also emotionally abuse him by making improper goat jokes. But, to remind you what you once told me: “‘Baa’ means NO!”

  3. umdalum – having recently been pasted with a 27 month, 3 week, 2 day “detail” as a boss, i am a much better employee. i do about 75% less stupid shit than i used to… i got smacked today for leaving “… Lead” on a chart, instead of “… Manager”, which i think is part of my official title. So i changed it to “… Pb-er”. i’m a geek.

    toby – and we’re madly flinging doo towards them!

    wanderer – the goat was asking for it…

  4. nevr ceases to amaze me the things that employees can do and still not get fired. like turning up to work drunk, bringing your boyfriend to keep you company while on a night shift, going out for pizza and leaving the ward unstaffed for half an hour….. that’s just the tip of the iceberg…..

  5. Hahaha. Reminds me of the movie “Liar, Liar” which was much more accurate about how us counselors at law work than I’m like to admit… And yes, the check IS in the mail…

  6. You’re so lucky to have such a great boss, daisy. I’ve been my own boss for the past 20 years or so and no matter what I do I still can’t get myself fired.

  7. awalkabout – Good catch! hadn’t made the “Liar, Liar” connection – but seems it would be funny in just about any work environment. i know that if i had to say what i was really thinking, i’d get canned eventually…

    az – seems you have a great boss as well!

    nm – do we need to bring her a goat?

  8. Pingback: Color me important… « Trailer Park Refugee

  9. Perceptive, ethical and smart ok, but functional too, and a great sense of humour. Effin hell girl, must be a dream boss! Sounds over qualified, better keep and eye out, the boys upstairs don’t like that sort of talent!

  10. BB – yes, it’s a miracle. yet what do the science-dorks have to say about him? “Well, he’s not a PhD, and doesn’t understand SCIENCE so he’s not worthy to supervise us…”. And then there’s the other camp who jacks him for looking like he should be a manager at a fast food restaurant (which he does)…

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